Heaven Ministries

Marriage Alive Newsletter                   

                   issue #4                 December 2002


I Had An Affair 

Bringing Back Fidelity In Your Marriage

How Can I Remain Faithful? 

Is Society To Blame For Immorality?

Is pornography the same as adultery?


























































































































I Had An Affair? 

Bringing Back Fidelity In Your Marriage

How Can I Remain Faithful? 

Is Society To Blame For Immorality?

Is pornography the same as adultery?


I Had An Affair 

Many marriage issues offset immoral actions between spouses. A husband might cheat for the lust of the occasion and the temporary effect it brings, while a women might cheat because she feels unloved by her husband.                                     

There are dozens of foolish and petty reasons of why your spouse might be cheating on you, but they all boil down to one thing- foundational support directing the marriage and where that support comes from? 

From who and where do you receive your ideals of what is right and wrong? What is acceptable and what is not acceptable to you for your marriage? 

Feelings of ill will towards your spouse generates wrong thinking and creates unfaithfulness. Unresolved issues in marriage create wrong thinking and the longer a person contemplates the act of unfaithfulness and imagines doing it, the easier it is for that person to feel justified in their behavior when they are unfaithful. You might conjure up all sorts of reasons of why you can cheat on your spouse. Wrong thinking will rule the heart, therefore it needs to be eliminated all together, lest you become tempted. 

This is the way of an adulteress:
She eats and wipes her mouth and says, "I've done nothing wrong"
Proverbs; 29:20

Here is how it happens. Adultery becomes justified because of what you perceive to be a bad marriage and you begin to blame your partner for your transgression. Instead of trying to make amends and repair the problem, you commit an act that is morally wrong. You might say something like, "you made me have the affair because you won't have sex," or, "I did it because you don't talk to me and I feel unloved." 

These statements might be true as you perceive them and to justify your sin, but these issues did not cause the infidelity. These issues are symptoms of the problem. Cheating on your spouse is a symptom of the problem. High or low blood sugar is a symptom of the problem. Addictive drinking is a symptom of the problem. 

The real problem is non-belief, the symptom is a bad marriage.

When you continually tell yourself that you have an unpleasant marriage and think about all the terrible wrongs your spouse has done to you, not only are you on a pity pot, but you will feel more and more justified in your mind to act immorally against your partner.  

While a deficient marriage can lead one astray through wrong thinking, it is the lack of faith in God and lack of commitment in the marriage that actually causes the act of unfaithfulness. The marriage would not be deficient if it was guided by a directive which consisted of moral values.

The causes of what might offset adultery are endless and can affect each marriage differently depending on the circumstances. Yet, the root of all immorality begins with what the eyes can see, such as worldly views, actions, internet, thoughts, environments and media,  then acting upon those thoughts. What one sees and hears, they believe, which gives the justification to sin. 

The foundation to all immorality in the world is not believing in God.  It is Him that gives you the faith and conviction to set morally right standards for yourself, and then finally bring those convictions into the marriage to share with your partner. When you do this the marriage establishes itself on a basis that is guided by the standards of the Creator.  

The world sets standards that are supported by wrong thinking, therefore these standards do not and can not set a firm foundation for yourself or marriage. Worldly views can not set a system of beliefs that is morally right and they can not set convictions that will keep anyone from doing what is right. 

The world is full of immorality-often thrown into your face and what you continually see and hear becomes morally acceptable in your heart. Finally your belief system is made up of these outside circumstances rather then from God and that is where the problem lies. It is your belief system  that establishes your convictions in life. 

God did not say it was okay to be unfaithful. He clearly says that adultery is a sin. Yet the world is the promoter of adultery! If the world promotes sin, then the world is not directed by God, but directed by something else. 

Temptation develops through wrong thinking that has and is continually developing in the world. The problem is that people aren't evil, they just don't know any better and conform to what they see. Monkey see, monkey do.  

Since God will not validate unfaithfulness, you will look for validation somewhere else. Infidelity is socially acceptable, politically correct and promoted in the world of men. And as long as the world is where you look for your moral principles, you shall surely fall into temptation, even when you know it is wrong!  

The worse thing, you can do for your marriage is to sit every night with your spouse and watch degrading, twisted, ungodly and heathenistic comedy shows on TV! And parents allow their children to watch this garbage! 

The world can not protect your marriage. You are in effect handing your marriage to a stranger, "here is my life, tell me what to do," who then dictates for you your moral standards of what you should believe.

You need to personally ask God to cover you and He will give you the elements you need to stay strong and away from the temptations of the world.

The old saying, "out of sight, out of mind," rings a loud chord, since God is out of sight, many have forgot what is the Truth (right and wrong). Society throws itself in your face all day long with it's lustful temptations and creates desires that are sinful and corrupt. 

You can block out wrong thinking by accepting God's view of what is right and wrong, (truth).  You must realize what is important for you in the marriage and what your position in the marriage will be. Even when you are having conflicts with your spouse, you can block out bad thoughts by choosing to accept who you are, (child of God) and where you came from, (God). 

The world did not make you. The world did not tell you who you are and what you can become. God created the special person you are, so then why do you keep looking to the world for acceptance of yourself?  

Is Society to blame for immorality?

Because the world is made up of millions of different thinking people, it is not the fault of the individual who is in the world, but who conforms and goes along with the vast new liberal views that continually become more and more corrupt. Obviously this tells me that there are more liberal and ungodly individuals in the world then morally conservative individuals. Minority rules!   

In general, the world is corrupt, it is true. Yet not every individual in society is corrupt. The world asks for what it wants. And it is continually in need of new scandals, shocks and late-breaking news to keep it entertained. The world is bored and looks forward to something new to traumatize it daily. The world has lost sight of the natural conscience of man and what is real. As a whole the world just is what it is. But as individuals in the world, great potential remains, these individuals just don't know it. 

It is the responsibility of the individual to disconnect themselves from the views of the world and to connect to their spiritual self. It is the individual who has a personal relationship with God, no one else can know the mind and heart of another, therefore as an individual, you should begin utilizing the spirit of God within yourself and begin living to live again. You, in essence help the world more by utilizing His spirit and becoming an example to others of what is right and wrong. 

Since the world can not be changed and religious sects have not facilitated in it's morality, you must look for the solution to the problem within yourself. The Truth lies within the spirit God has given you, that is where all truth can be found.  

It is the responsibility of the parent to not let the world be thrown into their child's face and it is the responsibility of the parent to be the example for their children. If the individual would take their responsibilities seriously, the world wouldn't be what it is today!

When you commit yourself to acting upon what God has given you, and utilize the tools He has given you,  everything else falls into place and  individual moral character comes naturally. 

The good news is, you can ask God for guidance and understanding when you feel tempted into an immoral situation. But just asking through prayer is not enough. Faith must be applied to those thoughts and prayers so when you act upon them, you are doing it on faith. Faith is a tool, God gives you. 

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      Bring Back Fidelity In Your Marriage

  • Forgive your partner for their weakness. Understand and realize, it probably had nothing to do with you, as much as they would like to blame you for it. 

  • Be willing to share in the commitment of what you started. That means to remain married and work through your problems.

  • Share with your spouse, your thoughts and ideas of your personal relationship with God, So you can better understand what roles you both will establish in your marriage.   

  • Be willing to position yourself in your marriage with the importance you deserve.

  • Trust in God for Truth so you can firmly plant your marriage on a Godly foundational setting.  

  • Utilize your beliefs with passion to their full potential through your convictions and realize how important it is not to stray from the marriage bed.

  • Fear what God has established rather than man's agenda.  
    (When we follow the leader, because of fear of what someone thinks about us, we shall surely fall into temptation.)

Acting upon morally sound convictions confirms your fear of God and is absolutely more powerful than any temptations that come from the world. Because of your faith, God will help you to not be tempted and will help you to love your spouse through the natural giveness in your heart. 

Any problem areas in your marriage can be worked out through that giving up of yourself, which is a process that establishes itself through learning to give yourself up to the "Will of God", instead of acting upon your own will.





Is Pornography The Same As Adultery?

You have heard that it was said, "Do not commit adultery. But I tell you anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already  committed adultery with her in his heart." Matthew 5:27,28

Pornography has snuck into our homes like Satan did with Eve in the Garden of Eden, tempting even the purest of heart. 

There are a few really bad apples out there who have chosen to throw this garbage into the faces of individuals who might have never thought about viewing it. 

The problem begins when a person is tempted into viewing pornography and applies any moral ethics they have on a foundation that is in error. The world view of morality is in grave error. If you base your belief system on something that is sinful, you will be sinful.

You may say, "but one time won't hurt," but it does hurt. It hurts yourself and your loved ones tremendously.    

From what I have read on the subject, which is many hours of research, I have found that most opinions differ from mine in that they don't believe it is the same as having the physical affair.  I disagree with that assumption for these reasons.

1. Lust is an unhealthy and sinful desire that takes a person away from that which is right and good. It does not matter if it is lusting after strangers on the internet or a fleshly body in a secret place. To yearn for the flesh of another person other than who you are married  is wrong thinking taking over your soul and eliminating the natural goodness that resides in man. 

Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes, for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread,
and the adulteress preys upon your very life.
Proverbs 25, 26

2.  If the act of adultery is wrong, then so is the intention. It is considered mental adultery and thus a sin! To be faithful to your spouse with your body, but not your mind is to break the trust that is so vital to marriage.   

Pornography is easily justified in the minds of those who view it.  They have broken a code of ethics to validate in their minds that it is okay to view it. Pornography, for many is more justified than the physical act and if they get caught looking at it, all they have to say is, "well, at least I didn't have an affair." This kind of thinking is  wrong and is denial. Denial is the opposite of acceptance. If you can't accept that what your doing is wrong then you are in denial. The internet only enables those who are tempted to continue in their addiction. 

It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God. 1Thessalonians 4, 3-5

Viewing Pornography and getting off on a temporary rush is only a symptom of a greater problem. Lusting after the flesh of heathen strangers is bad enough, but this lustful desire also defiles your body and your marriage. It is the same as having a physical affair. 

How can I remain faithful? 

The power to rid yourself of temptation and to remain faithful comes from what you believe.  Therefore it does not rest in you alone but in your Creator. If you have been unfaithful it is because you do not have the foggiest idea how to utilize the tools (gifts) God has given you

Loyalty to ones spouse is a part of the giving process that you learn through allowing God's love and forgiveness into your heart and mind. When you accept what the Truth is, you can actually give of yourself and do it freely.  It's really that simple. Accepting is on the same line as humbling oneself. If you humble yourself to God, the one and only true director, you are giving yourself to God. Once you actually release your errors to God there will be no more temptation. 

Ok, so you made a mistake and had an affair, but you can pick yourself right back up and start all over anew. Just because you were weak once does not mean, you are a weak person. You are what you believe to be true. 

If the world seems true to you, you will believe what the world says as truth and will probably be weak again. When you accept God's love for yourself, you will understand why you are in the world and that you do have a purpose in life and for your marriage. I believe God wants all His children to be good, morally upright examples, not only for our own families, but for strangers as well. 

Before, when you did not know God, you did not have a firm position to place your beliefs on. You were confused like a lost puppy who can't find his way home. You did not have a map to help you search for the lost treasure. You probably didn't even understand why you were unfaithful and so maybe you just remained in error. You were a part of  what society says is acceptable.  Which, on the opposite end is what God says is not acceptable. As I said earlier, when you accept what you see in the world as truth, you tempt yourself into adultery, which is not truth, but a devilish lie. 

A person can be strong in the Lord, but societies strength comes from something else. The foundation that holds up society does not come from God.

The remarkable thing about faithfulness is that when you are faithful to your spouse, you are not only giving up yourself to only your spouse, but are giving yourself up to the will of God!

It is God's will that all marriages be built upon the rock of loyalty and when you remain steadfast and loyal to your spouse, even through the hardships, you are allowing God to give you the understanding you need to remain faithful. By trusting in what God says for your marriage, you are less tempted to stray from the marriage, whether in the physical act or through pornography. 

On the opposite end, when you trust in your own understanding of what you think to be right for your marriage, you will inevitably fall away from righteousness and come under the spell of disillusionment and begin living from what you have accepted in your heart as truth from the view of the world. 

As an example of where you might try and find truth from the world is through reading a worldly view magazine. But now, not everything you read is based on a spiritual idea or holy example.  If you happen to read an article about "being unfaithful in a Glamour type magazine, they won't even mention the power of faith or that God exists. Adultery and immoralities are promoted by these type magazines. The editors select authors opinions and views by what the people want to hear and believe, and that is all about it. People want to read that it is okay to be unfaithful and they will continue on reading that garbage so they can gain MORE validation to become unfaithful! Do you get it?!!! hehehehhe.  

The world preys upon each other for validation - forgetting that God exists. For the young people who are still trying to find themselves, getting caught up in a world full of lies is absolutely horrible to say the least.

If a person has no understanding of who God is, they will have no moral and ethical control over what they do in life and no standards to base any spiritual beliefs or convictions upon. They will go through life guided by their own understanding of what they think the truth is, instead of looking for where the truth originated. 

If you or someone you know has been unfaithful, it is not because they want to be unfaithful-they know it is wrong, it is because they don't know how to use the potential that God gave them. Because they don't know God through acceptance, they don't know how to use the holy spirit that resides within themselves.  

God gives you tools to use to help you stay upright and moral. One of these tools is faith. When you apply faith into your life, which comes from your belief in God, your heart and mind begin to understand the purpose of why you are here, why you are married and how important your marriage really is to you. 

Society does not apply godly standards for it's directive, therefore society in general is unable to utilize the potential of faith. That is why it is so corrupt as a whole. The world has not accepted God as the Truth. As a matter of fact, the world, through every device possible is trying very hard to delete God from the hearts and minds of individuals in the world. That would be you and me. Let's not let them control our minds and tempt us into sin. 

Therefore, you must stop looking to society for the answers. Faith comes from believing in what you can not see with your eyes, bringing those beliefs into the heart and acting upon them with passion.  

Having and utilizing the power of faith is an individual matter that is gained by your own personal relationship with God. 

It is not to late to come out of Sodom & Gomorrah. You do not have to base your opinions and thoughts on the ideas of sinful character. You can find your way home, just ask.

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