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When In Conflict Who
Is Right?
It is never about right or wrong. It's about why we have conflicts with our parents in the first place, and how to get passed those conflicts in productive ways. We do not want to harm the relationship because of conflicts - we want to grow closer together and learn BECAUSE OF conflicts. Christ has given us a great and wonderful principle to live by about conflicts - "If at all possible, live at peace with all men". It is almost always possible, and rarely impossible to live at peace with others, whether they are our employers, friends, children, siblings, or parents. It is very possible to live at peace with others, its just that everyone wants to be right! "I appeal to you, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought". (1 Corinthians 1:10) Children and teenagers living at home need to find solutions to conflict and help to resolve them for the sake of a happy, peaceful home front. Parents need to do the same. And adult children who are not living at home who are in conflict with their parents also need to resolve, amicably, any conflict they have with an adult parent. It is what God wants you to do. As Christ Ones, it's not about what we want. ....it is about what God wants and then making the right choices for ourselves and for others. "Live in harmony with one another, be sympathetic, love as brethren. Be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, BECAUSE TO THIS YOU WERE CALLED so that you may inherit a blessing." (1 Peter3:8-9) Forgiveness in families goes a long ways towards mending broken and faltering relationships. Compassion in your heart is a blessing. Why hold onto grudges? What does that do for you, but bring bitterness and contempt into your heart and mind? In my opinion, no one is right if it means the loss of family unity. Adult children should not be holding grudges against their parents, not only is it stressful and bad for your health but think about the parent who lives out their end days thinking you hate them. We must forgive all people who trespass against us, even if they themselves have not asked for forgiveness from God. Do not make someone else's emotional problems a part of your attitude because it will literally make you sick. "Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification." (Romans 14:19) It is so much better for your spiritual self to "detach with love" from a parent who is difficult to get a long with then to waste your time, energy, and spiritual resolve on unforgiveness! Throw off their baggage from yourself and stop carrying it around. Children and teens living at home need to do the same if you are in disagreement with parent(s). Talk with your parents. Write down on paper what you're going to say to them so you will be ready to be mature about the situation and express yourself in a productive way. You still need to obey your parents but you don't have to allow any abuse to engulf your mind and thoughts. Love your parents, and if you must, "detach with love" from what you think is abusive. Get busy with something else, go to your room and listen to music - do whatever it takes to not be confrontational and disagreeing in a negative way. If you want to confront your parents about something going on in your life, or about a rule or restriction that they have given you, do so in a good way. Learn to not whine, or complain about how you feel and about what you need, but simply talk with your parents in an open and honest way and they will be more apt to be understanding with you. "Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this right. "Honor your mother and your father" - which is the first commandment with a promise -"that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." (Ephesians 6:1-3)
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