| Heaven
Ministries May 2007 Issue 45 |
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What's
New
Marriage Articles A Wife's Submission To Her Husband
Other Articles Alcohol: The Most Used And Abused Drug By Teenagers
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What's NewI am finishing up a book project on alcohol addiction. This book is written for the alcoholic and the spouse or loved one of an alcoholic. It is filled with excellent information that you probably won't find in other books concerning this topic. If you are an alcoholic or are a loved one of an alcoholic I recommend this book! This book is written from my own experience battling with addiction and what I did to get "Beyond Alcoholism and Towards Total Sobriety!" A must read! UPDATE in 2008. The book is now titled The Alcoholism Trap and is now available in all popular online bookstores. If you would like to be contacted when this book is available for purchase, let me know by replying here: Contact us Here Stop Divorce In Its Tracks The Lawyer's make it very easy for couples to divorce one another just because of irreconcilable differences. “Irreconcilable differences” are words used for most divorce decrees that give justification for divorce. It’s true, couples have conflicting opinions from time to time, and they may even have major conflict once in a while, but these differences do not warrant the separation from each other according to God. Lately I have been getting more and more emails from people who are not in agreement to divorce their spouse, what can they do? Don’t they have any say-so in the matter? It’s unfortunate because according to the state, they don’t have any say-so. A spouse can refuse to sign the papers, but the state has loopholes for that too, it is called the “uncontested divorce”, which means, if you don’t sign, the divorce proceedings will go on without you and you will then have no say-so in any of the logistical matters concerning the divorce. I did the research. Many Christian married folks now-a-days have worldly attitudes about what marriage is and what marriage should be; not all of them, but many of them. As Christian’s we should never venture out of the godly realm of authority and into society for the answers we need. The Master Designer Himself is the only One who really cares about you and your marriage. The main reason a spouse might decide to get a divorce is because they are unwilling to work on the marriage. They usually have no idea that they too might be at fault for the problems associated with the marriage. Selfishness blinds people to having a committed heart to someone else. They are really only interested in serving themselves. The problem with this kind of attitude is that putting your spouse’s feelings in front of yours is what marriage is all about! I’m not saying that all the fault should go to the spouse who wants the divorce; it certainly takes two to tango, but which spouse is the one being selfish, the one who wants to work on the marriage and stop divorce or the spouse who doesn’t want to work on the marriage and get a divorce? The only thing that will have any real impact on a spouse deciding to work on the marriage rather than get a divorce is the power of the Holy Spirit within them. Only Christ can change a bad attitude. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. (Romans 12:2 NIV) Christian couples divorce because they are out of balance spiritually within themselves. They have been conditioned to believe, if they don’t “feel” a certain way, or if their spouse sinned against the marriage, they are entitled to divorce. But that is not what God says. Divorce is ugly and vengeful, and it always hurts someone terribly. You can stop divorce in its tracks by realizing that it is out of a hardened heart that most divorces take place. I believe if couples would only slow down, and take the time to find themselves; to realize that they have a part in the disintegration of the marriage, they can together seek the proper answers they need to rectify any irreconcilable differences, and save the marriage. Don’t waste your time focusing on what your spouse did or didn’t do. Focus on allowing Jesus Christ to direct your spirit in the proper ways of loving yourself and others. Meditate on God’s words of wisdom for your marriage daily, and watch how easy your thinking changes from the divorce mentality to choosing to work on your marriage. A husband, who unconditionally loves his wife, will not seek a divorce. And the wife who unconditionally loves her husband will not seek a divorce. It doesn’t always seem fair, but when you understand how love operates through the workings of what Jesus Christ did for you, you will better understand how you can love others unconditionally. Jesus Christ loved us so much that He paid a debt he did not owe because we owed a debt we could not pay? The same analogy applies to marriage. Don’t love because you want something in return; love because that is a principled aspect of who you are. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this way: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8 NIV) A Wife's Submission To Her Husband Some Christian wives tell me they
have a difficult time submitting to their husband because he is behaving
inappropriately, either through controlling behavior or demanding
submission, or other ungodly activities. If this is the
case, I must admit that it would be difficult to submit to this kind of
authority. After all, many of these women go on to tell me they thought
they married a man of God, not a Hitler. Fortunately, God knew that this
would happen from time to time, and so He left us with appropriate
instructions on how to handle this kind of marital difficulty. First of
all before we get into what appropriate action to take, wives should
identify the consistency of this kind of behavior, and then try and figure
out what she can do to rectify the situation from happening. Does your husband behave
controlling only some of the time, all of the time, or only once in
awhile? The reason she needs to identify the consistency of his behavior
is simple, really. If a man consistently demands that his wife submit to
him, than he has his own spiritual issues that need attended to before he
can actually think that his wife should submit to his tyrant behavior.
Issues within ourselves are what keep us from loving one another in
the proper ways. If it happens only once in awhile,
then she needs to look at herself, and find out what she may be doing to
upset the godly nature of her husband and stop doing what it is she is
doing. Or he may be going through an emotionally stressful time in his
life, and only needs to feel reassured about something. These kinds of
issues in marriage need talked out in proper communication. If a husband
only gets controlling and demanding once in awhile, then I would tend to
believe there is probably good reason for his spiritual authority and
protection at that time. One problem I see is that many
Christian women hang around with other single and unbelieving women at
work, and they tend to adapt to each other’s philosophy and beliefs,
even trying to conform to worldly standards and remain a Christian. For
instance, a Christian woman may hear how much fun it is to go out dancing
in bars from her unbelieving friends, and believes she is missing out on
some fun. When she goes home she has a difficult time submitting to her
husband when he says he doesn’t want her to go out dancing in bars with
friends. Or her friends tell her how they boss their husband around and
would never ever submit to their husband in a million years! Hello! Do not
be unevenly yoked with unbelievers! A husband may see his role as head
of the family a bit differently than his wife. Most Christian husband’s
who take their position seriously may protect their wives from outside
influences with great authority, while she may take his behavior as
demanding or controlling. Great discernment and godly wisdom is needed
here, not forgetting to pray about it together, so you may both understand
what is the proper way to lead and the proper way to submit. If either
spouse fail to commit to the purpose set out for them by God, there will
be troubles such as described above. On the other hand, if a husband is
often taking advantage of his leadership position than I tend to believe
he is an unbeliever using the scripture for his own gain. And if that were
the case God has specific instructions for that. And if a woman has a husband who
is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce
him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified by his believing
wife… (1 Corinthians 7:13-14 NIV) Many times in such circumstances a
Christian wife finds her strength through the power of Christ in her life
and she can remain married and sometimes her husband may even become a
believer. This is what God intends for marriage, but it may not happen in
all marriages. In a healthy marriage both husband
and wife submit to each other but the husband is the main spiritual
leader. A woman who is sure of herself and is made to feel good about who
she is will not have a problem submitting to her husband’s loving
influence. Submit to one another out of
reverence to Christ. (Ephesians 5:21 NIV) Wives, submit to your husbands as
to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head
of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church
submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in
everything. (Ephesians 5:22-24 NIV) Jesus Christ submitted His will to
the Father, and Christian’s are to honor Christ’s example. So then
this is how a wife is to submit to her husband. If she does not submit to
her husband, then she is not honoring Christ or His example He left for us
to follow. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example that you should follow in his steps. (1 Peter 2:21 NIV) NEW BOOK ~ Beyond Alcoholism and Towards Total Sobriety - the Chapters
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Alcohol: The Most Used And Abused Drug By Teenagers According to the National
Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, June 1997, alcohol is the
leading cause of death among teenagers. Teenage drinking contributes to
the high rate of teenage car crashes, traumatic injuries, suicide and date
rape. Alcohol is by far the most used and abused drug among America's
teenagers today. According to a national survey, nearly one third (31.5%)
of all high school students reported hazardous drinking of five or more
drinks in one setting. Twenty million American's
are alcoholics, and the children of these alcoholics are likely to inherit
the disease. More than 40% of those who start drinking at age fourteen or
younger become alcoholics. The problem I see is the lack of knowledge
about alcoholism being an inherited disease. Children of alcoholics are
four times more likely than other children to become alcoholics, according
to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry Teenagers, if you have a
mother, father, or grandparent with the disease, then you might be
susceptible to becoming an alcoholic. It is not a good idea to even have
one drink. It is like playing Russian roulette. Abstinence is the best
strategy against defying the odds of being another death statistic in the
cogs of alcoholism. I came from an alcoholic
background, and I know first hand the destructive affects of what alcohol
can do. I had no way of knowing that I would become an alcoholic, even
though my grandfather was an alcoholic. I didn't know that at the age of
seventeen, while drunk, I would be driving with my best friend and roll my
car three times into a telephone pole. Fortunately for me, I wasn't hurt,
but my friend will have back problems for life. I can't tell you in a
short article all the pain and suffering I put my mother through when I
was a teenage drinker, or the anguish I put my husband through, but I can
tell you this, I have been completely freed and forgiven through the love
and saving grace of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I have been
alcohol free for over fourteen years! Teenagers please don't
let yourself become trapped within the depths of this insidious disease;
instead become informed about the susceptibility of alcoholism being
passed down from one generation to the next. Abstinence and education is
the best and most effective means of preventing the use and abuse of
alcohol. All it takes is one drink
of alcohol if you carry the gene from a relative; that one drink is ONE
too many! And even if you are not susceptible to becoming an alcoholic,
alcohol is very dangerous and can make you do stupid things you normally
would not do. Abstinence is the best policy!
I hope you enjoyed the Heaven Ministries Marriage Alive Newsletter! Take care. God bless! As always, comments and questions are welcome. Copyright
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