Heaven Ministries
March 2009
 Issue 61

Marriage Alive! Newsletter   

Marriage Articles

I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You Anymore

Who Are You? What Is Your Purpose? 


How To Find Bargains And Stop Using Credit Cards

Ask Angie
What Should I Expect From Pre-Marital Counseling?

5 Things You Should Know Before Getting Married

Heaven Ministries 
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Marriage and Health Books

Sugar Overload Syndrome

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Healing Mental and Physical Disorders Naturally
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Journey on the Roads Less Traveled

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"Because of its thoroughness, this book (Journey on the Roads Less Traveled) would make an excellent preparation for marriage, in conjunction with a specific church program, or in and of itself as a private preparation."
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Who Are You? What Is Your Purpose? 

Have you ever asked someone who they were? If you have then you know that they begin to tell you their name and profession. But is that really who they are? Is a mechanic from Oregon just a mechanic from Oregon? Is a housewife from Pittsburgh just a housewife from Pittsburgh? People like to tell us what they do for a living but it doesn't tell us who they are. After a while they go on to tell us all of the accomplishments they have made in their life. Not one time do they attribute those accomplishments to God. This is sad because the reality is, without God we are nothing!

Has anyone ever told you they were a "child of God"? Probably not. And that's because most people do not relate with or connect their lives with God - they keep themselves separate from God. This disconnection from God is detrimental to your spirituality. And that is the problem with Christianity. If we are disconnected from God we will not live our spiritual lives with passion - with resolve - or fervor. The whole purpose for being a Christian is to dedicate our lives to God. People have taken their Christianity with a lackadaisical attitude. 

Its not that people are evil or bad but they do not connect themselves to the living God, therefore their lives do not reflect the goodness that comes from God. If you were to ask any Christian where they originally came from they would say, such and such mother and such and such country, but they will never say "from God." "I am a creation of God." They won't tell you that. 

But we are all children of God, even those individuals who do not believe in God, they are still children of God. If someone were to tell me that they are a Pastor from such and such church that still does not tell me who he is. Anyone can be a Pastor, but not anyone can believe and say with conviction they are a child of God. 

If you believe with all of your heart that you are a child of God then you should start basing your life as that child - a child of God. Connect yourself to the living Christ and transform your life from just a mechanic who lives in Oregon to a child of God who works as a mechanic that lives in Oregon. 

As a child of God what is your purpose in life? Your purpose as a child of God is to live each day "for" God, whether you are a mechanic, doctor, housewife, or Pastor. Perhaps you are a married mechanic from Oregon. How would you live each day for God being a married mechanic from Oregon? If you profess to be a Christ One then your first priority is to God, remember? Then it is to your marriage (wife). What if you are a married mechanic from Oregon with a family. Then it would be God, wife, and then children. 

At this point you may be wondering, what about me, my job and what I want, where does that come in? Your purpose is not to gratify the self. Your purpose in life as a married mechanic with a family is first to God, then your wife, children, ministry, if you have one, and then finally yourself. the minute we change priorities around and mix them up, we aren't living our purpose anymore. How can a husband or wife be a good marriage partner when they have put themselves above God? 

The point I'm trying to make here is if you are a child of God then LIVE as a true child of God. Don't say you are a Christian but then put yourself at the top of the list, above God. You are not separate from God unless you make yourself to be separate. Are you a child of God who works as a mechanic and who is married and has a family? Or are you just a mechanic with no purpose for your life? Where is the passion and fervor in that?

How To Find Bargains and Stop Using Credit Cards

The best way to stop using credit cards is to change your attitude. If you really believe that you need brand new cars, homes, clothes, furniture, etc, then you probably won’t make it very far without your credit cards. But you can make it very well without your credit cards when you change the way you think you must live.

Twenty-four years ago I used to be embarrassed to be seen in a thrift shop. (blame it on the way I was raised). One day I said to my husband, “What if someone I know sees me in this thrift shop?” And you know what he said? He said, “If someone sees you that you know, then they are in here too”.  I was stunned because I never thought about it that way. Ever since then I have never been embarrassed to shop in a thrift store.

I love to find bargains because I love shopping. Thrift store shopping can really make twenty bucks go a lot further. I never leave a thrift store without buying a name brand, almost new item of clothing. The Good Will thrift store sells good used clothing for one-dollar on Thursday, Friday, and Saturdays. Call your local Good Will and see if they do the same. No one should be without clothes, no matter how the economy has affected them. If you have an attitude like I once did, then I guess you can pay $50 bucks for your next pair of jeans. 

Call or go visit your local farmers. Frank and I went down to our local organic wheat farmer and bought a 50-pound bag of organic wheat berries for $10 bucks. Wal-Mart sells legumes in one pound bags for under a $1 that feeds my whole family, plus leftovers the next day! Scan your weekly grocery ads and buy veggies and fruits that are on sale for that week. I could go on and on about how to spend less and eat healthier and better. There is no reason to splurge every week on groceries like people do - its ridiculous. 

Whole foods are much, much cheaper then buying the processed item too. Read this article on five healthy ways to save on your groceries. You can save hundreds of dollars each month just on groceries! Healthy ways to save on your groceries

Start a vegetable garden. Most veggies like tomatoes, bell peppers, lettuce, and herbs can be grown in pots and left on the porch to grow. Anyone can plant a small garden and have plenty of produce to feed two, three or four people for the summer and fall season.  Check out this website for tips on small organic gardening. http://www.organic-gardening.net/

Throw Away Your Credit Cards

Throw away your credit cards and stop buying stuff you don’t have the money for. If you don’t have the money for a brand new television then simply don’t buy it. Look in your classified ads and buy a used television for a fraction of the cost of a new one. Credit card purchases have become an addiction. What do you think about this concept? Only using money that you have earned, does that sound like a good idea?

Do you need some furniture? Check out Craigs List. Scan your local classifieds for whatever you need. You will surely find some great bargains on furniture and many other items as well. Springtime is in the air and that means garage and yard sales. Remember the early bird catches the worm.

Did you know that the collapse of the economy has not affected everyone?  Only those people who have sustained themselves through the use of credit and some business owners have been affected. The collapse was inevitable. Just like an addiction to alcohol, some people are addicted to buying what they want with credit. It is very fearful times for many people right now, especially for those who lost a home, job, career, credit, etc. Credit was a crutch for them – its how they sustained themselves – its how they kept up with the Joneses.

The good news is you can start all over anew. But first, always pay off any outstanding debts and loans you have if possible. The best way to start all over anew is to change your attitude about your needs and how you will buy things to fulfill those needs. Do you need that brand new car or will the used car meet your requirements instead? Or how about if you don’t have the cash on hand for something, just don’t buy it. 

What are your actual needs? Focus on separating your wants from your needs. work towards only what your household needs first, and after your needs have been met, then any extra money can go towards the purchase of bigger items.  

When we love money too much, especially money we really don’t have in the first place, it makes us greedy for more and more stuff. People’s fear of “not having” is what spurs on credit card purchases. The fear of lack is simply the lack of the spiritual Christ in our lives. If I am not happy and content with what I have, then I am obviously lacking something in my spiritual being. God says over and over again that we have NOTHING to fear. If we have a growing relationship with Him. God will take care of our needs. 

We all just need to learn how to relax, smell the roses (literally), take a break from “buying with credit” and learn to be more reliant on God, which is self reliance through the knowledge that our Creator has given us. Where is our hope? Hope should be with God and all that He says He will bless us with. 

Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit. (Jeremiah 17:7-8)

We should ask God to give us the blessings of wisdom, knowledge and love. And then we will be living in a peaceful life with the Lord, Jesus Christ by our side. That is all that matters. 


I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You Anymore

Has your spouse told you they weren’t “in love” with you anymore?  Well do I have news for you. The saying “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore” is a worn out cliché.  It’s not possible to “fall out of love” because you weren’t “in love” to begin with. The excuse “I’m not in love with you anymore” is nonsensical. Let me tell you why.

There is no such emotional condition as falling out of love; it’s a justification for doing whatever you are planning on doing.  It’s a way to let your spouse down easy. What you’re really feeling and should be saying is “I don’t want to love you anymore”. It usually means that the attitude towards your spouse and marriage is not what it once was.  Perhaps you are talking yourself into having an affair or perhaps you have already had an affair.

The person who says “I’m not in love with you anymore” is searching for a feeling.

The marriage has stopped giving them a feeling they want and expect to have. It is an attitude that builds up after months and or years of a lifeless marriage – a marriage that has no intimacy. This is why quality time spent together (intimacy) is more important than sex in a marriage. Not that sex isn’t important, because it is, but that sex IS NOT INTIMACY. Sex may be a part of intimacy but it is not the whole picture.

Intimacy can be as simple as playing a board game or planting seeds together in your garden; or intimacy can be as complex as working together in a business or getting involved in a hobby with your spouse. But couples aren’t doing any of these things together anymore! They have drifted apart, each doing their own thing. When couples stop doing things together they lose the intimate bond between them they once shared when they were first married.

“I’m not in love with you anymore” actually means “I don’t feel close to you anymore”.

Couples NEED to have an intimate attachment with one another for marriage to be healthy. If couples aren’t getting their intimate needs met in the marriage they are more apt to seek it from somewhere else. Ironically, they could be trying to bring back intimacy with their spouse but don’t know where to start, or perhaps they feel resentful or angry about something their spouse did, and so they never try to get close again.

If couples do not have a bond of intimacy with each other it is inevitable the relationship will have major problems and one or both spouses will feel they aren’t “in love” anymore. The good news is you can perk up your marriage and reawaken intimacy by spending quality time together.  Do stuff together! Stop behaving as if “she has her life” and “he has his life”. You both have your lives with each other!

Express yourselves in nice ways and be good listeners. Be considerate and respectful of each other’s feelings. Write down all the things you love about your spouse and put it under their pillow. Write down all the ways you can show your love. Be more willing to go the extra mile for your spouse. Be more loving and you will feel more loving!

Do not expect love to always feel like your first date; or the first time someone flirted with you; or that first puppy love feeling; or the way your coworker flirts with you. That’s not love; that’s desire and lust feelings. It’s the euphoria of desire and emotions, which are fleeting moments. They are only temporary and mean nothing. They cannot fulfill your emotional holes.

What is lasting? What is lasting is the love you have for the person you married. Right now you have buried your love behind a wall of what you think love should feel like. Your attitude has literally controlled the way you think about your marriage and the person you married; the person you made a promise to love forever. I think its time you unbury that love, don’t you? 



 Ask Angie 
Pre-marital Counseling

Marriage Question: I just got engaged. We both think it's important to seek pre-marital counseling. Can you tell me what to expect because everyone is saying if the pastor doesn't agree with the answers that we give he will not marry us and he will try to get us to argue and see the negative in each other.

Guidance: I'm not able to tell you what to expect from a counselor/Pastor that I know nothing about. All you both really need to do, as well as any other couples who are thinking of getting married, is ask yourselves "Will God agree with my answers?" This is what's important. Church leaders are only guides, they are not God's and should not be treated as such. What does your bible say about marriage? There is where you will find all of your answers. You can email me from my website at anytime for free pre-marriage counseling.  

If you ask me, my opinion and experience is this: Marriage preparedness starts from childhood. You cannot walk into a pastors office and take a couple sessions of marriage counseling and be good to go. It doesn't work like that. Commitment and understanding the principled actions of love and the encouragement and support of one another is something you learn as you grow in the Lord and have been brought up in a godly, family oriented environment. And that brings me to my next question.

How important is the union of marriage to your parents? What have they taught you about the importance of commitment in marriage? What are their standards towards marriage? Are they still married to each other?  No matter what someone tells you behind a pulpit, it all still rests within you and your attitude. I'm leaving you with an article for you to ponder and then go check out the family and parenting section of the website for more articles on pre-marriage preparedness. http://www.heavenministries.com/Parents%20-%20family.htm

Why You Should Not Jump Into Marriage Before Reading This

5 Important Facts You Should Know Before Getting Married

1. Marriage Does Not Solve Problems

Many young couples seem to think that once they settle down and get married that all of their problems will disappear. Some people are unhappy or lonely being single and they jump into married life for the wrong reasons. But marriage alone will not make you happy, and it will not solve emotional, personal or sexual problems you may be going through. I highly encourage all couples, at whatever age, to heal themselves of any personal issues first before jumping into marriage. You will definitely be a more loving marriage partner because of it. 

2. Marriage Is Not A Good Reason For Leaving Home

Some young women have this “hurry up, leave home and get married attitude” and I think it is because they have been highly conditioned into believing that a man of their dreams is going to whisk them off into a Cinderella/Prince Charming situation and they will live happily forever. We can blame fairytales and TV for that. This notion is so NOT true. Some young ladies are in a hurry to get away from mom and dad so they can do what they want, but if you rush into marriage, you will regret it, just like many young couples have. Getting married is not a good reason to leave home. When you are young you are way better off being at home and under the protection of your parents. 

3. Marriage Takes Total Teamwork

Everything in marriage takes team effort. Husband and wife each do their own part that keeps the marriage running smoothly, healthy and strong. In a healthy marriage, both husband and wife serve (love) one another. The wife doesn’t have the brunt of the responsibilities and neither does the husband. In a godly marriage the wife has her roles and responsibilities that she attends to and the husband has his. When couples adhere to their God-given roles not only do they compliment each other but also fulfill the needs of each other in the ways set out for them by God. 

4. Marriage Takes Absolute Commitment

You cannot get married thinking if it doesn’t work out you can get a divorce. With an attitude like that YOU WILL get a divorce. Marriage takes total commitment from both husband and wife because marriage is designed for a lifetime. Submission is mutual commitment. This is how husband and wife submit to each other’s needs. Marriage is a service. If you aren’t up to sharing yourself for the rest of your life with someone, don’t get married. Commitment is love. If you are not ready to forgive and show compassion then you are not ready for marriage. 

Commitment is to know in your heart that once you are married there is no looking back. Don’t look back or the marriage may just turn into a pillar of salt. If you even start to look back, you will do things that are not in service to your spouse and the marriage will most likely end in divorce or be terribly unhappy. A committed heart always perseveres forward running the race set out for him. 

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God promised to those who love him. (James 1:12 NIV)

5. Marriage Takes A Forgiving Attitude

Everyday you will need to forgive your spouse. This is why it is so important to understand what forgiveness really is. Forgiveness, like love and service, is commitment. Truly forgiving others the way Jesus has forgiven us, leads to complete wellness of mind and inner healing. This is why when we forgive others when they have hurt us, we feel so much better about ourselves. We understand a little bit more about the person that God created us to be. We can forgive others completely by knowing that God has forgiven us completely. 

Complete forgiveness takes a new attitude and change of heart. Forgiveness is love! God wants you to forgive and restore your relationship and love the person you have been blessed with. 

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32 NIV)


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