Heaven Ministries
July 2010
Volume 10 Issue 71

Marriage Alive! Newsletter   

Marriage Articles

Emotional Adultery: 
How Husbands and Wives Disrespect Each Other

How to Submit to Your Husband's Headship Position

5 Ways to Save Your Marriage

Ask Angie and Frank
Watch and Listen as Angie and Frank Talk About Emotional Adultery


Heaven Ministries 
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Marriage and Health Books


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How Do I Detach From an Alcoholic Spouse?

Are you living with a Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde? Do you awake in your bed and wish you didn't have to start the day with an abusive alcoholic? Are you riding on an addictive roller coaster ride with the alcoholic you married? Do you often feel afraid and depressed because you don't know how the alcoholic is going to behave? Well, it's time to break free! It's time to get off the roller coaster ride and rescue yourself from the behaviors of the alcoholic you live with and love. 

Rescue Yourself From the Traps of Alcoholism

We  hope that you make good use of our healing materials that we have carefully put together by putting the strategies and guidance to work in your personal life and marriage. It is very possible to learn to live with and love the alcoholic in your life, without "it" making YOU go crazy. Don't let addiction steal another minute of your day!


Definition of Marriage
Noah Webster 1828 Dictionary

Marriage: The act of uniting a man and woman for life!

Marriage was instituted by God himself for the purpose of preventing the promiscuous intercourse of the sexes, for promoting domestic felicity, and for securing the maintenance and education of children.





Emotional Adultery: How Husbands and 
Wives Disrespect Each Other

How Husbands Disrespect Their Wives

Husbands who stare at, or flirt with other women may not think they are being disrespectful, but it is very hurtful to their wives. The bible talks about this in detail about how a man is to love his wife. “Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25)

Disrespecting our wives by ogling, touching, chatting with online, flirting, or staring at other women is not conducive to a healthy relationship, simply because it causes resentment and jealousy between couples. Husbands who make a habit of looking at other women in the wrong way are also disrespecting God’s creation and the one flesh of marriage.

If we are having a difficult time keeping our eyes in our own fence then we really do need to ask Christ to help us with our temptations. If you believe it is wrong then let down your pride and allow God to go to work in your personal life. God clearly lets us know that if we go to him in faith that he will keep us from being tempted more than we can bear.

“And God is faithful, he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so you can stand up under it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13)

All moral sin starts with being tempted. But understand that we make ourselves tempted by having the wrong attitude about the opposite sex in the first place. Some men believe it is ok to stare at and flirt with other woman as long as they aren’t having sex with them, but the fact is it is very harmful to the spirituality of the man who is doing it and to his wife who sees what is going on.

When a married man (or woman) ogles and flirts, it begins to form an attitude within him that this way of behaving is ok. The truth is carrying this attitude around is what leads up to adultery. Eyeing other women may seem innocent enough, but one day it will go further than just ogling. What is in a man’s heart will come out in his actions. “But I tell you anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:27-28) Christ calls it emotional adultery and that’s what it is.

Both men and woman are to blame for wrong behavior that happens between them. Married women should not be giving any reason for another man to stare at her. I realize that even though she may not give reason, a man is still apt to stare at her, but that is a whole other matter altogether. It still takes two to be tempted and then commit adultery. If you aren’t doing anything wrong then you have nothing to worry about. The bottom line is some women have a role in this wrong behavior by the way they dress and carry themselves.

How Wives Disrespect Their Husbands

What do you think? Should a married woman dress to please her husband or to please her ego? Did you know that women are judged by the way they dress and carry themselves? In an instant a man will know if he can stare and flirt.  Her demeanor is the biggest tell-tell of them all. Women either give off the appearance as someone who wants to be flirted with and stared at, or they don’t.

Has your husband ever said to you that your dress, skirt, shorts or shirt were too revealing? Then you are a very lucky woman because this kind of a man is only trying to protect you from staring eyes. Some men don’t know how to express themselves appropriately and so his wife may think he is trying to “control” the way she dresses. But actually he is only trying to keep other men from looking at his wife!  No real man wants to have other men looking at his wife’s cleavage or thighs—it is very disrespectful.

Ironically, men stare and flirt because they have been given the signal from the woman that its ok to do it—her demeanor and dress give it away! But then these very same women complain and files sexual harassment suits. We do it to ourselves! We have to be careful! When a woman behaves sexual in appearance or demeanor she will attract the wrong kind of attention. And if we do not want that kind of attention then we should consider carefully how we dress and convey ourselves.

We need to protect our marriage from the world! Sharing our marriage with the world is asking for trouble. When a married man stares at and flirts with other women he is disrespecting his wife, God and the one flesh of marriage, not to mention he is disrespecting himself. He is literally sharing himself with the world. We need to ask God to help us keep our eyes and thoughts in our own fence because this is God's purpose for us in marriage.

And when a woman dresses to please her ego, she is doing the same. She is giving off the wrong impression. How can a marriage be protected with all of this behavior going on? The only way to protect our marriage is to not let the world in. This starts with the husband and wife working together in the one flesh of marriage by pleasing God with their marriage rather than pleasing themselves.

The truth is no matter what a woman wears or how she carries herself there will always be unbelieving men, who can’t resist what does not belong to them, but at least she did not have any part of it and her heart is right with God and her husband. We are God’s wonderful and beautiful creation and we don’t have to dress to please others but to please God, and that’s all that matters.

Kissing, touching, online chatting, ogling, flirting, and looking are all forms of emotional adultery. Watch and listen as Angie and Frank talk about kissing others when you are married. 



Five Wise Ways To Save Your Marriage


There are many things that couples can do to save their marriage. Although circumstances for each marriage are different, what I’m going to discuss in this article applies to every marriage. 

1. Be Willing To Work on Your Marriage

Couples need to be willing to pick up the pieces and work with their spouse. Humble yourselves to each other. So many times couples blame one another for the disarray of the marriage because they are hurting inside. No one wants to feel hurt, pain and suffering. But what happens when we don’t even try to forgive? The broken pieces of the marriage remain on the floor!

If no one is willing to pick up the pieces the marriage will remain broken. Negative emotions, past baggage, guilt and vulnerability will be carried with you into the next marriage or relationship. Don’t think that remarriage is going to make you happy or solve your problems. That’s not reality. The reality is you can pick up the pieces and resolve your martial problems and be a better marriage partner because of it.  

2. Change Attitude From “Don’t Care” to Committed

So how do you change an attitude from “don’t care” to committed? You just do it. Understand that you probably walked into the marriage with non-commitment, even though your feelings told you otherwise. This day and age, many of us have not been taught the value of marriage, and many of us don’t know what the bible says about marriage. This “don’t care” attitude about the sanctity of marriage is what is killing marriages and families. What does God say about marriage? God says marriage is for a lifetime.

3. Forgive and Encourage Daily

Realize it’s not just the big things that need forgiveness, but the everyday small things too. Forgiveness works very closely with acceptance. In marriage couples need to accept and tolerate the person they married. Forgive your husband for leaving the toilet seat up and watching too much television. Forgive your wife for not being a good cook or house cleaner. Do these small things really mean an end to the marriage?

We all have areas that need improved on. The best way to improve on ourselves is to encourage each other. Does that seem backwards to you? It is not backwards when you look at the big picture. When you encourage the person you married, you will be lifting them up in spirit, and in turn, they will see the positive aspects in you and do the same. Couples absolutely need to encourage one another every day. Instead of finding fault and bringing each other down, find the good in one another and bring each other up.

4. Appreciate Each Other More

This area in marriage is greatly lacking. Do you want to know why? Some of us take our marriage and everything in it for granted. Some of us never stop to think about all that our spouse does for us. Do we expect too much from the person we married. We somehow think that if only they would do this, or change to be like that, and then we would be happy. But this kind of thinking is not reality, is it?

Stop and notice your marriage. When was the last time you told your spouse how much you appreciate them for all they do? Don’t let the doldrums of marriage make you emotionally lazy. Show your appreciation in acts of kindness and love every single day of your marriage.

5. Realize Who The Creator of Marriage Is

Jesus Christ has already laid out the architectural design for a Christian marriage. He has given us the wisdom and the knowledge to live marriage God’s way! If we manage our marriage under our own understanding it will have difficulties and possibly fail. We absolutely have to put God first so we can understand how to love the person we married in the ways of Christ.  God is the Master Architect of marriage and for a happy marriage we need to base our actions, attitudes and motives on His design.


How to Submit to Your Husbands Headship Position


Ladies, why do you think God created you? Do you think that he created you to become a trampled on doormat? Or perhaps he created you to rule over your husband? Do you think he created you to reject your husband’s love and protection for you? God clearly and specifically lets us know why women were created.

The Lord God said, “It is not good for a man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him”.  Genesis 2:18

God created woman to balance out and complete the “one flesh” of marriage. God thought of everything when he made woman. Man and woman were made perfect for one another. God did not make woman to be inferior to her husband but to be his helper.  When we live out our purpose for marriage we are being our husband’s helpmeet and we are honoring God with our marriage.

If we live our lives to please ourselves by having a free-spirited attitude and carrying on as if our lives are our own to lead, then we become the opposite of helpmeet. The only thing we are “meeting” is our own vanity and pleasures. And therefore we become a hindrance to our husband’s spiritual growth in Jesus Christ simply because we are not allowing him to commence his headship position in the marriage.

We hinder our husband’s growth by not regarding his guidance and protection for our lives. It’s ironic because we profess to be Christians and yet many of us are not leading our lives in Christ-like ways—so then how can we say we are Christ’s Ones when we are not following Jesus Christ and the principles he has provided for us to have healthy marriages!?

We go to mainstream counselors; we complain to our girlfriends, sister, mother, and anyone who will listen about how unhappy we are in our marriage and nothing changes. We try so hard to get our husbands to listen, to help around the house, to do what we say, but this only emasculates them and tempts them to seek greener pastures.

In Judges 4: 4 God chose a woman named Deborah, a prophetess to lead Israel. At the time, she was the best choice for the position. He chose Deborah because she was a good leader and a Godly woman. As a prophetess her main purpose was to encourage people to obey God and that is what she did. She served God by obeying him and teaching others to love and obey God too.

But nowhere in the bible does God choose the wife to boss her husband around and disregard his headship position.. In fact scripture reveals quite the opposite. The husband is head of the wife just as Christ is head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. As the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:22-24).

When God made the man he gave him the natural instinct of leader/protector/overseer, and to serve his household by teaching his own family obedience to God. When a husband serves his family in this way he is doing the will of God and living out the purpose set out for him as a married man.

Subsequently, when the wife submits to her husband’s leadership position she is also leading the children towards God rather than leading them to their spiritual death. She is being a good example for her children to “see” how God intends marriage to be. Women are also leaders, protectors and overseers through their husband’s headship position! When she allows her husband to protect, teach, and care for the family in the way God asks him to, she is also leading and protecting them from spiritual bankruptcy because she is helping her husband do his job!

She is helping her husband by meeting with him in accordance to their God-given roles in marriage. Anything else is rebelliousness. Don’t be mistaken, just because Christian society has taken Christ’s teaching on submission and tread upon it does not mean it is not useful and valuable for marriage. All of Christ teachings still stand today and should be seriously regarded by all who profess to follow Jesus Christ!

If we proclaim to be Christ Ones it is our duty to follow all of Christ’s principles for righteous living. When husbands and wives live out their purpose for marriage and family it preserves order and harmony in the family while increasing love and respect among family members, not to mention the example they are setting for the Christian community.

Proverbs 31 goes into detail about how the ideal woman should strive to be and it definitely concurs with why God made woman in the first place, which was to be a helpmeet to her husband, not a hindrance. “She brings her husband good, not harm, all the day of her life.” (Proverbs 31:12) 

God Bless!
Angie and Frank
Heaven Ministries ~ Marriage Healing Ministry



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