Heaven Ministries
January 2011
Newsletter #77

Marriage Alive! Newsletter   
 Marriage Articles

How to Have a More Peaceful Marriage and Home life

Can I Break Off A De-Facto Relationship Because of a Cheating Spouse?

3 Ways Career Wives Are A Disadvantage to Marriage and Family

Putting Marriage and Family First!

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How a Husband Should Love His Wife a Wife He Husband

God made them male and female for a reason. 1) To give and receive sexual pleasure in marriage. 2) To bear children for the Lord. 3) To compliment one another in marriage. 4) To show the example of Christ and the church—marriage is the living symbol of Christ and the church. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.  He nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church.  (Ephesians 5: 28-29) And this is the way marriage should be. 

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How Do I Detach From an Alcoholic Spouse?

Are you living with a Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde? Do you awake in your bed and wish you didn't have to start the day with an abusive alcoholic? Are you riding on an addictive roller coaster ride with the alcoholic you married? Do you often feel afraid and depressed because you don't know how the alcoholic is going to behave? Well, it's time to break free! It's time to get off the roller coaster ride and rescue yourself from the behaviors of the alcoholic you live with and love. 

Rescue Yourself From the Traps of Alcoholism

We  hope that you make good use of our healing materials that we have carefully put together by putting the strategies and guidance to work in your personal life and marriage. It is very possible to learn to live with and love the alcoholic in your life, without "it" making YOU go crazy. Don't let addiction steal another minute of your day!


Definition of Marriage
Noah Webster 1828 Dictionary

Marriage: The act of uniting a man and woman for life

Marriage was instituted by God himself for the purpose of preventing the promiscuous intercourse of the sexes, for promoting domestic felicity, and for securing the maintenance and education of children.

How to Have a More Peaceful Marriage and Home Life


Can I Break off a De-Facto Relationship 
Because of a Cheating Spouse?


I have been in a de-facto relationship for 10 years and I have two kids. I am facing storms in my relationship right now. Please send me articles that will help answer the following questions;

1. Are de-facto relationships alright with God?
2. Is it alright to break-off a de-facto relationship if my partner is
unfaithful? I want out of this relationship and I really need to see God's view on
this situation. God bless.

Marriage Guidance: De-Facto means "In Fact", which means that "in fact" you are married! The state may not recognize that you are married because of lack of a marriage certificate, but God recognizes two people who are living together and having sexual relations as a commitment to each other, which is marriage. 

This is marriage (Commitment between a man and a woman) according to God

1) When a man or woman leaves parents and promises themselves to each other in a committed living arrangement. 
2) And when the man and woman become "one flesh" in the intimacy and commitment of sexual relations together. "Therefore shall a man leave his mother and father; and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh". (Genesis 2:24) One flesh is marriage. 

This is NOT marriage (but fornication) according to God

1) When a woman and man are married, but divorce and marry someone else. (You are not really married to the second person, but are committing adultery with him or her because you are still married to your first spouse. You are fornicating with the second person)
2) When one or both parties still live at home, even though they may be having sexual relations. (If you are still living at home or in your own home then where is the commitment?  

"Therefore shall a man leave his mother and father; and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh". Genesis 2:24

Sex Alone does not make the one flesh of marriage. If a woman gets raped she is not married to her rapist because she did not commit her body and mind to that man. But if a man and woman live together in a sexual relationship that is a commitment whether there was a formal public wedding or not. 

Sex plus commitment of heart and mind equals marriage...unless you are already married. 

You see when a person leaves home and begins to have sexual relations with another and they proceed to move into together and have children and etc, etc, that is a commitment and a promise to each other, and therefore is a marriage. You are married!

De-Facto marriages only mean a marriage where the state does not recognize it as a legal marriage. But God very much recognizes it as the "one flesh" of marriage. So this should answer both of your questions. Just because a spouse is unfaithful does not mean you can get a divorce and you are free to remarry.  I mean, if you do not care about your soul then, I guess, like many unbelievers you can leave the marriage, but in God's eyes you will be committing adultery if you marry someone else, or if you begin another so called "de-facto relationship with another. 

If you want more materials about this according to scripture then please look through some of our marriage articles and read our free ebook Permanency of Marriage. 


3 Ways Career Wives Are A Disadvantage to Marriage and Family


In a marriage where the wife has a career it puts a lot of extra demands and strains on the marriage and family. This article speaks in generalities and is not intended to be a fact in all marriages.  Not all career wives cheat, nor do the husbands that are married to them.

1. Working Wives Are More Focused On Their Careers

When a wife goes to work every day her focus is on her job, her friends, her co-workers, and on the money she is making. This does not leave very much focus left for her husband and children. Many wives who work all day do not have the energy or inclination to cook nutritious meals for the family. She is too tired emotionally and physically to be a helpmeet to her husband and way too tired to make love with her husband.

When a wife is home taking care of the things of the home and family she is involved with such details, which makes her undeniably more bonded to her husband and family. She wants to be intimate with her husband and do more family oriented activities with her husband and children. The bottom line is the career woman’s priorities are not in the home. And this goes against everything God design for marriage.

2. Working Wives More Prone to Unfaithfulness

If ever there were a study done on marriage and working wives, I would venture to say that in marriages where the wife works outside of the home there is more adultery by the wife, and or, the husband. This is because without the emotional and intimate attachment of husband and wife, what is holding the marriage together? Intimacy is the glue that keeps marriage together. The one flesh of marriage is the intimacy and commitment of a husband and wife. This emotional breakdown makes both women and men vulnerable to attention and flattery from the opposite sex.

Reality dictates that lust temptations are higher among wives who work outside the home, simply because she is working along side other men who may flatter her and make sexual advances towards her to make her feel good about herself.  I know for a fact this happens—it is part of working among unbelievers and people of weak faith. When a man flatters such a woman, who is not emotionally or physically intimate with her husband, she is more prone to give in to lust temptation.

This is what happens in marriage where intimacy is gone and husband and wife do not share themselves with each other emotionally, and of course where faith is weak and there is no conviction to stay faithful. Now of course, this is not to say that all women with careers are going to cheat, but what it is saying is that women who work in environments with other men, and who may be having marriage problems such as described above, are more apt to be unfaithful.

3. Career Women Have a More Independent Attitude With Husband 

A woman with a career has a different attitude than a woman who stays home to be industrious in her own home. She carries an independence about her that literally keeps her emotionally detached from her husband, whether she realizes this or not. This is also a fact. Where a woman’s heart is there you will discover her priorities. A stay at home wife is concerned with the things of the home and a career woman is concerned with things of her employment or business and self.

When a wife’s priorities are outside of the home it ultimately makes intimacy between husband and wife strained. A husband needs his wife emotionally and physically and spiritually and every which way. Wives should not be neglecting their husband’s needs because of money. That would be foolish.

He that trusteth in his riches shall fall; but the righteous shall flourish as a branch. He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind: and the fool shall be a servant to the wise at heart.  (11:28-29)

Most career women often behave bossy and demanding with their husbands just because of a feministic attitude. Her demanding attitude makes her become the head of the household. She micromanages her husband and makes the decisions in the home. Many husbands cower to their wives domineership because they don’t want to cause any waves, or they don’t realize they have given up their headship role to their wives.

Essentially it is in her attitude, which makes her a feminist. She may think she is not a feminist but her behavior and attitude says otherwise. God did not make man superior over the woman but to be her protector. God did not make women to be inferior to the man but to be his helpmeet.  Neither sex is superior or inferior to the other.

God created men and women different. Those differences compliment and support each other. God created man with strength and women with femininity; this is how they encourage one another in their God-given roles. The fact is no one is born sexually opposite of how God made them to be for each other. Only when we choose to rebel against our God-given roles does our mind become perverted and so do our relationships. Sadly it is the women who have lost their way with God that create all of the feminist garbage that is in society.

A Different Perspective

Many people may not see this perspective on this issue but all you have to do is read and study the bible to understand God's perspective and design for marriage. When a woman strives to do a man’s job outside the home, no matter how much money she makes, it is disadvantageous to her marriage and to her family. There are far more disadvantages to a wife working outside the home than there are advantages. In fact, there are no advantages except for the money. But in most respects the money is a disadvantage becomes it takes a woman away from “seeing” God’s perspective and the money becomes more important to her than her husband and children. Having a happy marriage is all about getting our priorities right with God.

Lastly, what happens next, because I’ve seen it over and over again is the husband, feeling emotionally and sexually removed from his marriage seeks his needs elsewhere. It is a vicious cycle.  So to sum it all up the three main disadvantages of a career wife are that her priorities are out of line, and because of this, intimacy between her and her husband is gone, and because of this unfaithfulness is more prone to happen. The song is true, “Money can’t buy you love”.  

Putting Marriage and Family First in Your Life!

God Bless!
Have a Blessed New Year!
Frank and Angie
Heaven Ministries ~ Marriage Healing Ministry


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