|Marriage Alive! Newsletter|
What's New With Heaven Ministries?
Marriage Preparation Articles
We are delighted and blessed to be able to provide our readers and their families with another ministry: Heaven Ministries ~ Scriptural Romance in Preparation to Marriage. The web address is: http://www.heavenministries.org
Bookmark and Favorite for new article, books and updates.
Frank and I have also written a new Ebook about how single Christians can prepare for a rock solid marriage through scriptural romance and Godly courtship. You can order our new ebook from the home page.
We also have a New Forum on Godly Courtship and Preparation to Marriage. This forum is for Christian parents and their children. If you are a single Christian person, never been married, whatever your age, this forum is for you. We encourage you to come check it out and post your comments, questions, and Godly wisdom and encouragement. Our entire family will be a part of this new forum and we hope to see your family there too. Blessings, Frank, Angie, Brandon, Angelo, and Alex
If you really want to save your marriage, you must start with a clean slate. That means to get rid of the worldly attitudes and practices that have polluted your marriage and follow God’s plan for your marriage instead. We’re so used to treating our marriage like everyone else does, or the way we were taught, or from what we think is the right way to handle it, but look where all that has gotten many of our marriages of today.
We have to change our attitude.
Why is it so difficult for people to recognize the need for God’s design
in their marriage? I think it is because of lack of faith. If we had more
faith in the power of Christ working in our lives we would be applying
Christ’s principles into our marriage. We have to change the way our
heart thinks. We do this by asking God into our lives and letting His ways
be our guide.
Reality dictates that a person can never truly change themselves for their spouse and so going to marriage gurus for advice usually doesn’t work. They tell us what we need to do to change something about ourselves for our spouse. But it won’t work! We have to go to God! For example: If a spouse is acting immorally do you think they can change themselves to not behave in that way just because their spouse has asked them to? I don’t think it will work in the long run. If it doesn’t come from the heart of the doer than how can they change?
But when we know and study
God’s Word and change our patterns and attitudes for him, it works!
It’s not that we don’t want to be good spouses—its just that because
as imperfect as we are, we still need God in our lives to help us lead a
Godly life. He is our Source for everything! Christian living is not about
going to church once a week it is a lifestyle, and we have to change our
ungodly ways because we love God with all of our heart, mind, and soul.
God gives us the power through
the Holy Spirit of Jesus Christ to lead our lives with wisdom and
righteousness. But if we are too proud to go to God with our attitudes and
ungodly ways, we’ll never have a clean slate. We’ll never learn how to
perceive how marriage is supposed to be based on the One who created it,
because we’re so busy creating our marriage the way we think it ought
to be!! In other words, we’re managing our marriage, which was
created and established by God without God! Can that be possible?
Marriage absolutely needs a
firm foundation for support bit if the foundation is rocky with rocky
patterns, views, and attitudes it will eventually come tumbling down. For
instance if a wife or a husband make their career more important than each
other, the marriage will obviously be supported on the “Me, Me, Me
attitude”. They don’t realize that making a career more
important—working longer hours for more money is not the way to having a
happy marriage. It is the opposite way to be happy in marriage.
We have to keep our focus on
Jesus and then make changes in ourselves and for the marriage—otherwise
it won’t work and your marriage will end up with the rest of the divorce
statistics. You can start with a clean slate by giving up old behaviors
and patterns. Give your old attitude to God. Let Him bury it for you. Then
ask Jesus Christ into your marriage and make Him and His principles the
most important part of your life.
For the Christian to have a
great marriage means to have a great relationship with Jesus Christ. You
must be willing to serve and care for your spouse even more than you care
for yourself. This attitude of service in both the husband and the wife
will allow for the marriage to prosper and flourish with blessings.
God did not sanctify
(set apart) marriage for spouses to be selfish with one another. Good
grief, no! Marriage was created and instituted for God’s purpose—your
marriage belongs to God. Marriage is a living symbol of the relationship
between Christ and the church.
As a Christian if you
believe that you are ready to care for and commit your life to another in
the “ways of the Lord” then the next step is to find friendships in
the Lord and wait on God. Be still with your emotions. Don’t let your
emotions rule the relationship. That means you have to get dating and the
attitudes that are associated with dating completely out of your mind.
Dating is not for the sincere Christian to partake in.
Find Friends With
Common Interests and Beliefs
God will make aware to
you, if you are “still” with your emotions, a suitable man or woman in
the Lord. Christian single people should not have intimate attachments
with others (date), but rather they should search for like-minded
friendships in the Lord through common interests and beliefs.
These common interests
might be a church activity, sporting event, school function, project or
hobbyists event, or a community play, etc; At this event you can meet
other Christian people that share in the same interest as you. Then you
can become friends with them because of that common interest, not because
of anything else, such as receiving something from them.
This friendship should
not progress to anything further than getting to know each other based on
respect. In other words, your feelings for this person do not lead and
control your actions but rather follow your actions, where they are kept
Be Discerning With
You should be very
discerning with any friendships you would like to pursue further and
possibly for a marriage candidate. Carefully examining a persons character
is something a smart Christian will do before allowing the progression of
any relationship to be more than just casual friends.
The main goal in any
new friendship is not to allow your feelings to control the relationship.
Keep God always your main focus as the relationship develops.
If you feel that you are unable to keep your emotions in check for
this person then you must pray about it and ask God to give you the
direction you need.
Be Still With Your
Be still with your
emotions and wait on God. God will certainly let you know if this person
is the one to make a lifelong commitment with. The only time you should
allow your emotions to take over and give your heart to another is
“after” you have made the commitment to marry and are betrothed
God wants young people
to remain emotionally pure before marriage just as He wishes them
to remain sexually pure. Mary and Joseph were betrothed for a couple of
years before they actually got married but they both knew that soon they
would be married and because of that they most likely gave each their
Sexual intimacy should
be reserved for the big wedding day. This is God’s will for the
Christian. I don’t think you will ever regret saving yourself for the
man or woman you will spend a lifetime caring for and loving.
Take care and God Bless!
Angie and Frank
I have a very hard time submitting to my husband at times. We have been married for 6 years with 3 children. He has only held a job down for 1 1/2 years all together. The other 4 1/2 years it has been my role to work full time, continue my education, take our 2 disabled children to the doctors, cook, clean, do laundry and take care of the house. He says I have no right to question him and his decisions; if I do he goes crazy screaming and yelling at me. He does nothing to help me around the house except maybe put gas in our vehicle and clean the garage. How do I not have a right to make decisions when all I do to contribute to this family? my husband recently has been put on SSI for a back injury, Bipolar disorder, ADHD, OCD, Personality disorder, PTSD, and anxiety. Now with all this said doesn't it seem very one sided or maybe I'm just being too hard on him. Also he refuses to attend any more treatment-he thinks nothing is wrong with him. So what I'm trying to say is I do about 95% of everything needed for the family and I'm just to sit back and let him make all the decisions? Oh, just recently he decided we aren't to celebrate Christmas anymore because it's pagan-he has taught our children to chant Christmas is pagan and Jesus doesn't like it. They're only 5, 6, and 7 and have no clue what they're saying. Please help me understand what I'm to do.
Marriage Guidance: You have a difficult time submitting because your husband is not applying his headship position properly. You both have God-given roles in the marriage that need to become a part of your existence in the marriage for headship and submission to work.
No woman wants to be made to submit just because her husband controls her to do so, that is wrong Christian behavior. A husband needs to love his wife in the ways of the Lord. How Christ has loved us is the example husbands should be following. No woman will have a difficult time submitting to a man who is caring for her properly. I have written about this on our new ministry website in preparation to marriage. Here is the link: http://www.heavenministries.org/PremarriageStudy.htm
Christian couples who are sincerely trying to save their marriage and who want to do God's will, must come together in the Lord and start all over anew. Forget about everything you learned from your parents, pastors, friends, family and acquaintances and go back to the basics of what scripture (God's Word) says. The bible is the Christians instruction book for daily living.
God's design for marriage is built upon a foundation of love and all of this other stuff that is going on in marriage is based upon what people have learned and have been conditioned into believing. It's wrong folks, I'm sorry to say, but when husband and wife roles get mixed up and we base our behaviors on self-seeking desires, marriage can't stand up!
God, being the creator of marriage would seem to know what works best for couples and therefore He has left us His principles for applying into our marriage. Here is a couple of great articles the ministry has written to help you get started on your new marriage. Don't be like everyone else, save your marriage by going to the root of the problem and regrowing new roots.
- Duty to God first and foremost
- Accountability to God
- Second duty to wife
- Responsibility to wife
- Third to children (if applicable)
- Love, cherish and protect wife
- Primary provider for wife and family
- Accountability to wife and family
- Primary spiritual decision maker
- Primary decision maker on large issues that involve the rest of the family
- Responsibility to love your fellow man
Duty to God first