Heaven Ministries
November 2010
Volume 10 Issue 76

Marriage Alive! Newsletter   
 Marriage Articles

Instead of Always Saying “I Love You”, Show Love In Your Actions

How Society Distorts Headship and Submission

Modern Christianity in Society Today Is Not Christ-Like

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How a Husband Should Love His Wife and a Wife Her Husband

God made them male and female for a reason. 1) To give and receive sexual pleasure in marriage. 2) To bear children for the Lord. 3) To compliment one another in marriage. 4) To show the example of Christ and the church—marriage is the living symbol of Christ and the church. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.  He nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church.  (Ephesians 5: 28-29) And this is the way marriage should be. 

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How Do I Detach From an Alcoholic Spouse?

Are you living with a Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde? Do you awake in your bed and wish you didn't have to start the day with an abusive alcoholic? Are you riding on an addictive roller coaster ride with the alcoholic you married? Do you often feel afraid and depressed because you don't know how the alcoholic is going to behave? Well, it's time to break free! It's time to get off the roller coaster ride and rescue yourself from the behaviors of the alcoholic you live with and love. 

Rescue Yourself From the Traps of Alcoholism

We  hope that you make good use of our healing materials that we have carefully put together by putting the strategies and guidance to work in your personal life and marriage. It is very possible to learn to live with and love the alcoholic in your life, without "it" making YOU go crazy. Don't let addiction steal another minute of your day!


Definition of Marriage
Noah Webster 1828 Dictionary

Marriage: The act of uniting a man and woman for life

Marriage was instituted by God himself for the purpose of preventing the promiscuous intercourse of the sexes, for promoting domestic felicity, and for securing the maintenance and education of children.

Instead of Always Saying “I Love You”, 
Show Love In Your Actions


In what ways can a husband show his wife that he loves her? In what ways can a wife demonstrate her love for her husband? Loving someone means much more than words can say.  Showing our love is much more sincere than telling our love. Anyone can say “I love you” but not anyone can “show love” because loving someone takes effort and sacrifice. This is why scripture says, “Love must be without dissimulation”.  If you are ever confused about what love is ask yourself, “Am I truly being loving by doing this, or is the person who is giving love to me showing sincerity?

When a husband shows his wife that he loves her it doesn’t necessarily mean that what he is doing is something that he wants to do. What it means is he is sacrificing something of himself to show love for his wife. As an example, when a husband shows love he may give of his time with the children and allow his wife free time for doing something for herself. He doesn’t have to do this, but he does it anyway out of love for his wife.

A husband can show his love for his wife in many ways. He may rub her feet while they watch television together. He may cook dinner for the family, or clean the house, or tune and oil her car for her to make sure it is safe for driving. He may take her out to dinner and to her favorite movie, even though the movie is not one he would have picked out to watch. He may bring her breakfast in bed on Sunday…

Some husbands show their love through protecting their wives. A husband may make sure his wife does not answer the door to strangers if she is home alone. Or perhaps he does not have her drive at night to go shopping by herself. Or perhaps he buys her a handgun and shows her how to shoot it for self-defense. When a husband asks his wife to not dress in skimpy or revealing clothing, he is protecting her from men thinking lustful thoughts about his wife! Whatever it is your husband does to show his love for you, this is love. Remember, circumstances are different in every home.

When a husband loves his wife in the ways of God he is accepting his headship position with the importance it deserves. Some husbands may not want their wives to work outside of the home, which is actually the ideal situation for peace and harmony for the whole family. When a husband takes his position seriously he will be a good guide and have family regulations in place of how the household is going to be managed and what is permissible and what is not for each member of the family, including his wife. If a husband does not love, care for and protect his wife properly then he is not really loving her.

When a wife shows her husband her love, she does it out of respect of his headship position. Sure, a wife can rebel and not respect her husband as the man of the house, and many wives do just that, but this is not the way God designed marriage to be. Some women balk at the idea of a man’s protection for her. It’s because they have been raised to believe that they don’t need a man to protect them. They have the “I am woman, hear me roar” kind of an attitude. Sadly 75 to 80 percent of women, even though they are married are or will be victims of some kind of abuse, whether it is sexual harassment from work, rape, beaten and robbed, or murder. And sometimes it is by people they are acquainted with from where they work. Some wives confuse a husband’s protection as being controlling. If in the end what your husband is asking you to do is something good for you then how can that be controlling? Women have made a mockery out of “how a husband is to love his wife”!

The bible tells us that a husband is to love his wife and the wife is to be respectful and submit to that love. Understand that this is what love is! Love is not sex. Love is not that giddy feeling you had when you first met your husband. Love is giving of yourself, even when you don’t feel like it!

Do you think Christ felt like suffering and dying for the world sins? No, he asked God if there was any way to take the cup away from Him. “O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me, nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.” (Matthew 26:39) Jesus knew what he must do and what the Father's will was, but if it be possible, He asked.

Christ suffered terribly. Christ went through a brutal several hours before his death. That’s love! So then how much more is it to show our love by doing nice things for the person we are married to? We're destroying God's marriage because of our selfishness. We can't suffer just a little bit, instead we divorce and don't even try restoring our marriage to God? 

But look what Jesus has done for you! Couples, because they don’t know what love is are destroying their marriage and making a mockery out of God’s will for them in marriage. The picture of love in marriage is sacrificial love from the husband and a wife who respects her husband’s headship position through submission. She is his helpmeet.

“Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” (*Ephesians 5:25) Wives, submit yourself unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. (*Ephesians 5:22 and 24)

***The bottom line is when husband's and wives do not love one another according to God's design for them, they aren't really loving one another. How Should a Husband Love His Wife and a Wife Her Husband?



How Society Distorts Headship and Submission


Modern Christianity in Society Today Is Not Christ-Like

Many people claim Christianity and yet many of these same people are not behaving very Christ-like. Scripture talks a lot about the contrasts of believers and non-believers. It says, “For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit.” (Romans 8:5) This scripture doesn’t mean we won’t sin, it doesn’t even mean that we won’t be tempted. It is showing us the difference between the lives of believers and unbelievers.

Where is our heart? What are we living for? What is our purpose in life?  Are we storing up treasures for heaven or do we only care about today and what we want and how we feel? “For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God.” (Romans 8:6-7)

What does it mean to behave Christ-like? Well, not to offend anyone but if we truly claim to be “of Christ” much of Christian culture would have to undergo a radical transformation. Ask yourselves, where are these Christians coming from that make up Christian culture? From the Christian churches! But Jesus Christ is not sincerely worshipped and revered in these churches as the head of the church. There are a lot of lackadaisical attitudes, hypocrisy and dissimulation in the Christian churches and culture of today.

Modern Christianity is scary. It’s scary for those who are truly seeking spiritual truth. For many, when they seek truth, they are given the wrong message, and are deceived into living their lives in ways that are not of God. Many things such as dating seem good and the right way to find a life spouse but dating is NOT scriptural. Wearing clothing that is revealing may look nice on slim figured young women, but is NOT scriptural. Women disrespecting their husbands spiritual guidance for them is NOT scriptural.

The long list of “it’s ok” to do in Christian society is “NOT ok” according to the WORD of God. It’s almost like the churches are reading a different bible! But we know, it is the same bible, so then what is wrong? People are not listening! The Word of God has turned into a fairytale in the minds of those who are not hearing the Word. They are only hearing what their ears are attuned to hearing. More and more people are listening to feel good preachers, those that preach what people want to hear because no one wants to be told how to live. Scripture talks about this: “For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears; and they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables.” (2 Timothy 4:3-4) Wow!

What is the church? The church of God is not the church you go to every Saturday, Sunday and or Wednesday. “The Church” is God’s people! The church of God is NOT a building. God’s people make up Christ’s Church!  God wants the people to worship Him in Spirit and in Truth, which is what is inside of our heart and mind, not religious symbols, nor rites and ceremonies, nor the things inside of a church building.

There is nothing wrong with going to church IF you already know the truth about the spiritual Christ in your life. But if you are soul searching, or if you are confused, or if going to church is not filling up that missing aspect of your life then going to church is not where you are going to find God. God is omnipotent, meaning He is everywhere!  Jesus says, “I am the way the truth and the life and no one comes to the Father except by me!”

Did you know that dating, feminism, public schooling, women working outside of the home, religion, voting and politics, divorce, materialism and Christmas are not something that a sincere Christian should involve themselves with. It may not be a downright sin to vote or to date, or for a woman to submit to another man, but these things lead us away from serving, loving, and pleasing God. Being divorced causes us to remarry, which is a sin. How can we “train up our children in the way of the Lord when they are going to public school? Christian mothers are supposed to be home training up their children in the Lord, not sending them off to a strange school. This is one way she is a helpmeet to her husband!

How can a woman who claims feminism also be a Christ-follower? This is a true oxymoron. Voting for a public figure to come into office and celebrating Christmas are idolatry, and they both take us away from what is true and right for our lives. We all know that sexual perversions, idolatry, adultery, greed, pride, and having an angry and bitter heart all come from those who profess to be Christians, but are these things Christ-like? NO, they aren’t Christ-like, so then how can we claim to be living for God when we are not following Him?!

Yes, we all sin because no one is perfect, even the best of Christ-followers accidentally sin from time to time. This is why we have grace and mercy from Christ. Praise God that Christ chose to die for our wretched lives! Sincere Christians are forgiven when they sin. Do you know why? Those who truly follow Christ are already dead to sinning with intention—they live by faith and put their trust and hope in Jesus Christ. But if we sin intentionally or when we choose to not follow His principles, because we live by faith in ourselves, do you think we are forgiven for that? I don’t think so. We are not forgiven for not having faith in Jesus Christ! This does not please God. We have to live our life pleasing to God, not contrary to God!

If we repent with sincerity in our heart and turn our life away from sin, we will be forgiven. But if we continue to live our life as if the Word of God is a legend, there is no forgiveness. We have to choose forgiveness for ourselves by living lives that are pleasing to God! Christianity is something you do—it is a lifestyle. So take a look at your lifestyle, pray about it, and ask God to give you wisdom to know the truth and the guidance to put your faith in Him, not in the flesh. It all boils down to “faith”. Where you faith is, so there also will be your heart.

A nice Christian woman asked me if she could remarry because her husband divorced her.  Sadly, I explained to her what Jesus said about divorce and remarriage. “NO, you cannot remarry because that would be a sin”. God wants us to reconcile with our spouse or else remain unmarried. But the churches teach it’s ok to remarry. They teach it’s ok to divorce your spouse. The Christian culture of today is out of control and leading this new generation down the same path full of deception and dissimulation!

Someone commented on one of our videos titled “Wifely Submission” Here is what she said:  There should be no "man of the house" there should be "the man and women" of the house. The man should not be the leader nor the women, it should be equal. I don't think that I should have to submit to my husband on anything. I think that it should be a team effort to make things easier on the both of us.”

You would think this comment came from a feminist, wouldn’t you. But actually she is only 15-years old and is already confused about her womanhood. She’s too young to “be” a feminist because she lives at home, but in her heart she is a feminist, and sadly she will never truly be happy NOT being the lady God wanted her to become. She has already been conditioned to believe a certain way by her mother, who is also confused. She will never find true love because a man of God will not marry her, or if he does the marriage will be very difficult for both of them. Marriage has one captain. A marriage with two captains will have many problems down the road, as many of you may already know.  

The bottom line is are we following Christ or modern Christianity? To be Christ-like means Christ must already be living in us as the Holy Spirit, and His Spirit in our lives helps us to consciously and subconsciously follow Him. If we are following our own desires and pleasures it means we are living carnally minded lives, only looking to please ourselves. Ironically about 80% of the people living in the US claim Christianity, but according to the ways of modern Christian culture, the real number is much lower at about 10 to 15 percent of Christians actually following Christ and living spiritually minded lives.

But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his. And if Christ be in you, the body is dead because of sin; but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. (Romans 8: 9-10)

Talk is cheap. We can claim to be any thing and be any thing to any one, but God knows our hearts and eventually everyone will see our fruits. If our lives have nothing to show for our so called Christian walk then I think it is time to honestly review our faith in Jesus Christ and seek out the error of our ways, if not for those we are supposed to be loving then for our God, the Father who loves us and created us with a purpose; to love fully and to be the whole and complete people for Him.

“THERE is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. For the law of the Sprit of live in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death”. (Romans 8:1-2)


God Bless!
Frank and Angie
Heaven Ministries ~ Marriage Healing Ministry


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