Heaven Ministries
September 2007
Issue 48

Marriage Alive! Newsletter

Marriage Articles

7 More Reasons To Stay Married

21 Ways To A Successful Marriage

For Thought

Jump Start Your Mind With Spiritual Affirmations


The Alcoholism Trap

Understanding why you drink and what you can do to beat alcohol addiction for good and achieve total sobriety.

Now Available at Amazon

Below are a few excerpts from the book, The Alcoholism Trap

     Addiction can be controlled just like obesity can be controlled. Obesity like addiction can be controlled through proper eating and healing of the spiritual, emotional, and psychological aspects of the addictive personality, which when restored to health is total sobriety.  Total sobriety is the cure for alcoholism.

     Total sobriety is the only real cure for alcoholism. Some sober alcoholics have told me that years after they quit drinking they still felt depressed, anxious, panicky, angry, or resentful. These emotions have nothing to do with alcohol addiction, except for the fact that it is probably one of the elements that facilitated addiction to alcohol in the first place! The question that needs to be asked here is why is a person depressed? Why is a person still holding in anger and other negative feelings? What can addictive people do for themselves mentally, emotionally, and spiritually that will help them with their destructive emotions?

If an alcoholic is still depressed years after quitting drinking, the chances are they will still exhibit an addictive personality and will feel the need to abuse drugs, food, sex, and or alcohol to feel better emotionally.

By trusting in what God says is true, the alcoholic can believe in the power of God’s word to help guide him or her away from their fears and into God’s truth and love. God’s breath-filled words, and spiritual presence over-powers any weakness we may have and reveals the truth in the addict. The weakness is the addiction, and not the person. The person is not weak, but the addiction controls the person through his or her compulsion to drink, which is the weakness.

The bottom line is addicts are powerless without God! The Spirit of Christ is the stronghold for the alcoholic. It is the foundation for the alcoholic’s life!  Do you want to stop beating yourself up? Humble down your proud and arrogant ways. Let go of the old sinful selfish person to God. Let go of all your heavy burdens. Believe in yourself and know what a better person you can become, without the weight of addiction upon your shoulders!

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Get a Free hardcopy of The Alcoholism Trap
How? Email me by using the contact button on the website.


Do You Love an Alcoholic?

The second part of The Alcoholism Trap is written for those who love an alcoholic

     You may already know that you are powerless to getting your loved one to stop drinking. So the next best thing is to detach from them. The first step in being able to detach is by realizing that the shenanigans of the alcoholic is not your problem. Don’t try and fix their messes for them. Not only does this enable them to continue drinking, but also justifies their drinking.  Don’t allow yourself to become ensnared in the alcoholic trap with them. Stay out of the trap, so you can help them. Ninety-five percent of what an alcoholic says is manipulative in nature anyway, just so you will keep enabling their behavior; so don’t start believing in the lies of the addiction. Separate yourself from the antics of the alcoholic.

How can you live with an alcoholic and love them at the same time? Very carefully. It’s true, it is very difficult to live with an alcoholic, but people do it all the time. Most loved ones of alcoholics are unhappy and lonely because they are not doing anything about their circumstances. Going to Al-Anon and or reading the Al-Anon materials can be a relief in itself, and so I highly suggest you decide in which way you are going to attain the knowledge and information you need to help yourself.  

If your spouse had diabetes or cancer, would you get sick with them? Of course not, so why get sick with the alcoholic? That is what you are doing each and every time you enable, rescue, justify, and stay in denial. Granted, it is a lot harder loving someone with addiction then it is someone with cancer, but each sickness has its own circumstances and issues that need dealt with accordingly.

Once you realize the impact of how your actions may be affecting the alcoholic in your life, you can detach properly from the alcoholic’s destructive behavior.  Detaching can be difficult to do but if you love the alcoholic and want to be supportive, detaching with love is the way to go.  Are you enabling your loved one to drink? Are you rescuing them from their problems and responsibilities? Ask yourself these questions to find out? 

Am I doing anything that would enable the alcoholic to drink? 

Am I doing anything that would facilitate the alcoholic’s behavior? 

Am I doing anything that would rescue the alcoholic from his problems?  

Am I getting driven into the disease with the alcoholic? 

     There is hope for the alcoholic in your life, if you take care of yourself first, by not enabling, rescuing or getting driven into the addiction. Once you are aware of what you should and should not do, you will be free to set boundaries for yourself in the home.

Alcoholism is a trap, but you can stay out of it and actually help your loved one out too

This is the complete guide to alcoholism and its insidious trap.

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Journey on The Roads 
Less Traveled

Book Description
Read one of my 2004 newsletters On The Road Less Traveled and it will surely give you an  inspirational and spiritual look into the details of this book!

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7 More Reasons To Stay Married


There are many good reasons why we should stay married.. Here are just a few. Can you think of any more? I'm sure there are many more reasons for staying married. This article is for those couples that are contemplating divorce.

1. Divorce Hurts

Divorce can take the whole family for a loop. Divorce brings about tension and animosity among family members, frustration and confusion, anger and rebelliousness to the truth, and downright selfishness.  Younger children, especially, can be devastated by the effects of divorce.

2. Divorce Will Not Make You Happier

In a major new study, statistics show that divorce does not make a person happier. In fact, a study conducted by a team of leading family scholars headed by University of Chicago sociologist Linda Waite, the study found that two-thirds of unhappily married spouses who stayed married reported that their marriages were happy five years later. In addition, the most unhappy marriages reported the most dramatic turnarounds: among those who rated their marriages as very unhappy, almost eight out of 10 who avoided divorce were happily married five years later! Wow, now what does that tell you? 

3. Most Marriages Are Restorable

In most cases, divorce gives people an easy way out of a restorable situation. Divorce keeps people from being able to handle stresses and trials of a relationship later on down the road and the chances they will divorce again are high. Most marriages are restorable just by putting in the added spiritual effort into them, and that goes for your marriage too!

4. Divorce Is An Unacceptable Decision

I think that divorce is a selfish and one-sided decision from one spouse who is unwilling to put in the added effort that marriage needs. But have you stopped to think about how by divorcing your first love you are breaking apart a creation that God established? God is the Creator and Master Designer of Marriage. There is not an establishment in society that can actually break a contract between you and God. That is why you are considered still married in God’s eyes.

But for Adam no suitable HELPER was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord made woman out of the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man, the man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh, she shall be called woman, for she was taken out of man. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be untied to his wife, and they will become one flesh. (Genesis 20-24 NIV)

Can you see how choosing to rely on divorce is actually a selfish act? Not only is it selfish but also divorce is often a spontaneous act proceeded out of the unwillingness to accept responsibility in the marriage.

5. You Can Choose To Work on Your Marriage

When we choose to do what’s right, and truly ask for God’s guidance by removing selfishness from our hearts and minds, and apply “principled acts” of love into the marriage, we realize more of what we have and what marriage really means to us – it becomes more important in our spiritual bank because we actually understand our purpose for marriage. Marriage is not about only you and what you want - it is about the both of you and how you both can serve God in your marriage.

6. Marriage Should Be A Lifetime Commitment

For believers, I have to say, there really are no loopholes in marriage for divorce, not even infidelity. If a man or woman is married to an abuser in any form, they can separate from each other for a time, but even that does not justify divorce in God’s eyes. He expects married couples to work problems out instead of divorce. Again, this is where perseverance comes in. 

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character; and character, hope. (Romans 5:3,4 NIV)

7. God Wants You To Stay Married? 

God does not want us to break apart what He has instituted. In fact, God being the creator of marriage is also the controller of marriage. This is precisely why scripture says, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery”. (Luke 16: 18 NIV)

In God’s eyes and in the contract between you, your spouse, and God, you’re still married!  As believers we have options for helping us to stay happily married rather than break up the home front. Those options may include not chasing after the easy outs of society and asking God to give you the perseverance and faith to stick it out with your first love.

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21 Ways To A Successful Marriage  


1)    Make God Your First Love – Ephesians 6:21  

If we make God our first love than the rest of the character traits seem to come into play all on its own, don’t you think? 

2)    Love Unconditionally – Romans 12:9  

I know that sometimes it is difficult to love unconditionally, but is it not better to be all that we can be for others than not to be?  

3)      Be Submissive – Ephesians 5:21

Submission is not losing oneself to a controlling husband, it is giving yourself to someone you care for in a selfless and loving way. All good relationships require submission.  

4)      Be Respectful – 1 Peter 2:17

What is so hard about respecting the person we married? If we have been hurt by our spouse, why not work it out in a respectable and responsible manner instead of holding in grudges? This way you can go on respecting one another. 

5)      Be Appreciative - 1 Thessalonians 3:9 

When was the last time you gave your spouse a hug and told them you appreciate them just for being who they are?  

6)      Be Compassionate – Colossians 3:12

Compassion goes a long way when your spouse needs your supportive understanding and reassurance on something. But all too often a spouse rejects the other because they disagree or are holding in resentment about something else. Get to the bottom of your problems so you may love one another appropriately. 

7)      Be Considerate – Galatians 5:22

Be considerate and kind with your spouse at all times, even if they are in a “not so good mood” and accidentally said something they shouldn’t. Work with your spouse not against them.  

8)      Be Giving – 2 Corinthians 9-7 

Being a giving person without expecting something in return takes the three P’s -- Patience, Practice and Prayer. We have been conditioned into believing that when we give, we must receive something in return for our efforts, but God’s world does not work like that. Don’t "expect" so you won’t feel disappointed.  

9)       Be Gentle in Spirit – 1 Timothy 3:2,3

Do not go to bed in anger. When angry communicate that anger in a productive way rather than negative way. It is okay to be angry, it is not okay to direct that anger at someone.  

10)      Be Humble – Matthew 23-12

If you get proud and arrogant with your spouse, they will put up their defenses and that works against the marriage. Be open, honest, and humble with each other.  

11)      Be Trustworthy – 1 Timothy 3:11     

Be Trustworthy. Never give your spouse reason to not trust you because of what you say or because of your actions.  

12)      Be Faithful – Hebrews 13:4  

Faithfulness is a great virtue of character. All couples can be faithful when they choose that path.  

13)      Be Devoted To One Another – Romans 12:10 

Remain devoted to one another through the good times and the “not so good times”. All marriages go through some rough spots from time to time, work through those rough times and watch how your perseverance builds character. 

14)      Be Forgiving – Colossians 3:13 

Couples must forgive one another daily. Bear with each other and learn to accept one another.

15)   Seek Wisdom  - Proverbs 8:10,11

Having Godly wisdom is one of the most important aspects of understanding how to love one another properly.

16)      Communicate Well – Proverbs 10:19 

Learn to communicate productively with your spouse. When issues and arguments pop up in the marriage you will be glad you know how to handle yourself in the proper ways that actually get issues resolved. 

17)      Be Understanding – 2 Corinthians 6:3-10

Having an understanding spouse means so much to the relationship. No one wants to feel alone or invalidated for feeling a certain way or doing a certain thing. Marriage is teamwork, so work together.  

18)      Be Compromising – James 4: 1-2

Ending arguments and managing the household by apply compromising solutions is what keeps a marriage running smoothly. Know whose role and responsibilities are whose and then apply yourself to that position in a loving manner.

19)      Manage Well – 1 Timothy 3:1-11

Managing your relationship and household takes focus and organization. Just make sure you keep God at the top of the priority list and everything else will fall aptly into place.  

20)      Be Selfless – Philippians 2:3

Selfless loving actions is loving unconditionally. No one will ever totally be able to love in this manner but Christ is our example to follow, so we should strive to be the best we can for others through our actions.  

21)      Be Committed To Your Marriage – Proverbs 5:18,19


  If we are committed to God than we are committed to our marriage.


This is my list for a healthy marriage. We may slip up and error, but that is okay, we are not condemned for erring; we are condemned for not trying.   

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Jump Start Your Mind With Spiritual Affirmations


What we think and believe will inevitably come out in our actions. In one-way or another a negative attitude can make or break a relationship.  The power of your mind is a strong force and can be used to do good with or can be used to do damage with. What do you watch on TV? Who do you hang out with in your spare time? What kind of people do you work with on any given day?

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. (Ephesians 4:22,23 NIV)

What happens when we watch inspirational and meaningful programs on television? We walk away feeling good and having a good outlook on life. We literally become inspired. But what happens when watch horrific or violent images and hear negative and destructive programs on television? It gives us the opposite effect, doesn't it? We may feel depressed, sad, lonely, or angry watching these negative programs on a daily basis.  It may even give us nightmares during the night, making us feel tired and grouchy in the morning.

In the same way, the people we associate with could be steering us away from God rather than to God. As believers our minds absolutely need a daily dose of spiritual wisdom and guidance to help us get through the day. Many people we interact with through the day may use foul language, or boast unkind words about each other, and they may have a bad attitude toward life in general.  This is not what our minds need to see and hear every day.

Affirm your Christ centered beliefs every day with daily devotions and prayer. Keep your focus always on Christ and take Him with you when you leave the house. When you go to work and when you are around people who cannot control their tongues and bad attitudes, you can be the salt of the earth and the light on the mountaintop for them! 

Your attitude should be the same as that of Jesus Christ. (Philippians 2:5 NIV)

How can we have a Christ like attitude when we get all stressed out because the boss gave us a heavy load, or there is too much office politics between co-workers, or there is favoritism going on with the manager? Don't let yourself become a part of it!

For everyone born of God overcomes the world. (1 John 5:4 NIV)

As Christ followers we are not to be a part of this world. We should not intermingle within the worldly behaviors and attitudes of unbelievers. Don't let the world tell you who you are - let God tell you who you are. We must learn to affirm in our heart and mind who we are and what we believe through what we know to be true. 

For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God's sight.  (1 Corinthians 3:19 NIV)

I don't believe, that no matter how hard we tried, we could ever have the same attitude as Jesus, but at least we have an example to follow, so that when we are in the world among unbelievers we can be the affirmation for Jesus Christ. Jesus' attitude was a humble one and He walked the earth serving others. We should try and follow that attitude to the best of our ability. To serve others is not to be like them but to be different and stand out as an example of virtue and principles.  Isn't that following Jesus Christ?

Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened. But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect. (1 Peter 3:14,15 NIV)

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I hope you enjoyed the Heaven Ministries Newsletter! 

Take care. God bless!

As always, your Comments and questions are welcome.   

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