Is your marriage
heading into the doldrums? Do you do the same things every
night after work? Marriage
doesn't have to be boring, after all, there is so many
different ways to apply fun and pleasure into the relationship
that I am surprised more people don't do just that.
I think that we are so accustomed to the
familiar day to day living that to change our schedules and do
something different doesn't really sound like very much fun.
Is it worth the time and effort to do something different?
Absolutely!! Once you are involved in something different and
fun with your partner, you will be glad that you decided to
turn off the TV.
Bring out the creative person you are and
bring your marriage
Below are just a few things I have drummed up while working on
this newsletter that you can do from home together
without breaking the pocketbook. Try and do something
different from your ordinary schedule at least once or twice a
week and watch your marriage
Doing things together like those listed below will bring
the bonds between you and your partner closer.
Play a board game with your partner
instead of watching TV (scrabble, Clue,
Take a leisurely stroll
around your neighborhood
Listen to some Jazz music
and have an intimate conversation with your mate
Instead of dinners indoors,
have a picnic and eat outdoors
Get on the floor together
and do stretch exercises
Take turns reading out loud
an interesting book that you both like.
Make your own home movie or
Cook a scrumptious meal together
Here are a few things you and you partner can
do together away from home
See a movie or a play at the theater
Go to the beach or mountains for the
weekend or longer if permissible
Take up a hobby together, such as sailing
or photography, you name it the world is yours
Spend the night in a hotel in your
hometown (make sure they have a Jacuzzi)
Take up roller skating or ice skating (fun
way to keep those legs in shape)
When we feel like our marriage
is heading into the doldrums and we kind of feel like we are
in a rut of sorts it means it is time to share more of your
self with your partner, sharing activities and other
pleasurable times together will not only bring you closer to
your partner, but will help you to remember who your partner
is. Often times, we don't realize the growth process that has
taken place over the years and we lose touch with our
partner-so turn off that TV and get to know each other again
through sharing of yourself.
Above all, while doing these things together,
remember to always share the best part of yourself with your
partner. There is no better gift of love that you can give
your partner than your willingness to accept them just the
way they are. Acceptance is love. By showing
tolerance, understanding and patience with your mate, the marriage
can endure through the tough times as well as the good.
Comes From Within Yourself.
can love your spouse again and be happy as if you were first
by applying your positive self to the marriage"
That's what I
said----YOUR POSITIVE SELF!
We all want love. We want to be loved, cherished
and adored by someone until death do us part. And some of us
actually attain this idealism usually later on in life and marriage.
But how is this possible? We all have a positive side to us.
Sometimes we just don't use it, know how to use it or forget
how to use it. If we are unhappy it is because we have been
using more of our negative self to deal with issues in our marriage
Those men and woman who love their partner unconditionally and
cherish and adore them through all of their faults and
liabilities are those who are not only happy and content, but
are accepting in nature. Acceptance is
Love. The lover has a content and unflustered heart and
what is generated from that heart is unconditional love. The
lovee is probably very giving and unselfish as well, but that
does not mean they themselves have never placed demands on
is not perfect, therefore accept that there will be problems
at some point in time during the union. It is how one
deals with those issues which will inevitably make or break
personal happiness. When we become too attached to the inner
being of our partner and focus all our energy on them-we make
our own unhappiness even worse. This is because we expect them
to change to make us happy. But this is selfish
As part of human nature, I would guess that at
least 95% of people place unwanted demands and bargains on the
table when they love. "Okay, I'll give you sex tonight
if you will not go out with the guys." or "I
won't go out with the guys anymore if you will quit your
job." If all has been settled appropriately for the
lover, they will then agree to love in the best way they know
how. Much more can be said about "conditional love"
but not in this newsletter. see
previous newsletter on conditional love.
On the other side of the coin, without being
too extreme, if we are continually unhappy, angry, frustrated
or resentful over our marriage,
we will invariably love our mate with these emotional burdens
on our backs. When we bring these negative emotions into
we end-up placing conditions and demands onto our partner,
without even realizing it, just so we can feel better-totally
forgetting about our partners feelings. If only "they
would change", we think everything will be okay. Have
we ever asked ourselves, "what is it that I can do to
change to make me happy?" By humbling ourselves
and letting go of negative emotions we can remarkably improve
the outlook of our attitudes, which invariably rubs off onto
It is through our negative emotions that we
bring unhappiness onto ourselves. Until we realize this and
stop blaming our partner we will continue to be plagued by
discontentment. The key here is acceptance.
Learning to accept the differences in others is the key to
success for a peaceful life. On the opposite end, what we
don't accept we will invariably try to change and control. Some
of us may go through our whole lives unhappy while trying to
Sometimes we don't want to look at
ourselves-afraid of what we might see. If we always find fault
with our partner and blame them for the problems in the
relationship, than we are free from faults. We truly think,
we're the good guys and we'll do anything to stay that way,
even if it means hiding our real selves from others and
pretending to be something we are not. Eventually this kind of
thinking leads to divorce. The grass may look greener on the
other side, but it browns out over a short period of time.
If a person is unhappy and miserable, they will remain that
way in any relationship, no matter who they are with, until
they change their own negative outlook.
We might think, "If she would only see
life the way I do, she would love me." or "If
he would stop working so hard maybe he would have more time to
love me." But this kind of thinking is wrong. When we
think like this our actions aren't positive in
how we deal with many issues in our relationship. We must try
and think what is it, "I can do for the
relationship" and start taking the vocal point off
our partner. Give them freedom to be who they are. Not only is
this kind of thinking behaving selfishly, but it is so unfair
to the partner who is taking this emotional abuse.
What is the
Try applying the positive side of yourself that you
have, such as realizing that your partner did not cause your
unhappiness and remember for every flaw your partner has, you
also have flaws. Problems in relationships happen
because of negative emotions and the inability to accept
differences. knowing this, work at seeing what you can do for
yourself and happiness will invariably come to the marriage
We all need to look into and
through ourselves for the happiness and peace we crave.
We can not change our partner, but we can change our own
outlook on life and ourselves by realizing it is through our
Creator that we bring happiness into our heart, mind and soul.
Once it has entered our inner being, there is no other way to
be but positive. This constructive thinking can then be
used in every aspect of the marriage
for complete contentment and peace.
Don't forget that as much as a
person attempts to gain happiness through others, they will
only end up disappointed. Stop searching for something that
you already have. Happiness is found within yourself, start
Understand that total
contentment and peace of heart is gained through God. It is
through faith that God gives us the tools we need to take on
life and be happy here on earth. Once you have learned to
achieve this contentment and can sustain it through your faith
is when you can bring your peace onto your partner for the
benefit of the marriage.
Ironically, you must try and
find ways to make your partner happy for your own happiness.
When we do find peace and contentment within ourselves, we no
longer need to find it through others, such as our partner.
This frees them to be happy - no one wants a rope tied around
their necks. A good marriage
is one that is accepting of each other.
For more on the
subject of learning about self, download the
e-book from this newsletter or go back to website at
and read through the articles.
15: 27 "Peace, I leave with you, my peace
I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give
I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither
let it be afraid."
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