Heaven Ministries
September 2008
 Issue 58

Marriage Alive! Newsletter

Marriage Articles

Why Are Unhappy People Unhappy?


4-Day Gallbladder Cleanse

Question From A Reader

Is It Normal For My Husband To Look At Porn?

Healthy View of Sex and Sexuality

Heaven Ministries Store Front Marriage Books Click here

Journey on the Roads Less Traveled

Because of its thoroughness, this book (Journey on the Roads Less Traveled) would make an excellent preparation for marriage, in conjunction with a specific church program, or in and of itself as a private preparation.

Quoted by Joyce Ann Edmondson
Author, The Listening Tree: Fifty Stories of Grace-full Everyday Living

Buy Journey


 Why Are Unhappy People Unhappy?

Unhappy people are usually unhappy because they have not mastered the ability to be happy within themselves. Therefore, they may try and gain happiness/pleasure through others no matter what that entails. Don’t get confused with my usage of unhappiness and then compare it to depression because they are two different things. This article is about unhappy people - not depressed people.

An unhappy person often uses others to get what they need out of life. At first this may work, but after a while the relationship begins to experience problems because their partner cannot tolerate the life getting literally sucked out of them. This kind of needy and spongy behavior is what the medical and psychiatric establishments like to call, “codependency”.

There is nothing really wrong with these kinds of people, except for the fact they need to come out of their selfishness, grow up, be accountable and take responsibility for their own happiness. Unfortunately when certain establishments coin codependency as some life long emotional problem, people don’t take responsibility for their behavior. For them it’s always someone else’s fault why they drink, why they look at porn, why they do drugs, why they have an anger management problem, why they feel like the whole world owes them a favor, and why they continue to live a bitter filled existence.

"Realize that true happiness lies within you. Waste no time and effort searching for peace and contentment and joy in the world outside. Remember that there is no happiness in having or in getting, but only in giving. Reach out. Share. Smile. Hug.

Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself." -- Og Mandino

The problem begins when the unhappy person does not get all of their needs and desires met through someone else and believe they are unhappy because of the person they married. But in actuality nothing is further from the truth. Unhappy and bitter people have made an addiction for themselves – they have a compulsion to wallow in their misery. They are stuck inside of their discontent and bitter heart and can’t get out, no matter how much they continue to use and abuse others for happiness. 

The miserable person may even seem jovial to others on the outside – they go to work every day, take care of their families, and seem to have a normal life, but on the inside something is amiss with these unhappy, bitter folks. They often complain about others, and try and control anyone they can to get their needs and desires met. But marriage, and any relationship for that matter, cannot stand up under such abuse and the marriage usually ends in divorce.

So, what can an unhappy person do to help themselves out of their misery? First off the unhappy person should realize that happiness does not grow on trees – you cannot get happiness through others. You are hurting so many people in the process of creating happiness for yourself and that is very wrong. 

Happiness is found within the person you are – you master happiness for yourself, once you master the art of connecting with your Creator. If your connection is faulty so will be the person you can be – the whole and complete person you were created to become. Happiness is made through building up your spiritual connection with God. God gives us everything we need to sustain ourselves with. If you have made room in your heart for His wisdom, knowledge and love, then you will find happiness within.

Jesus said, “Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you shall receive, and your JOY will be complete.” (John 16:24 NIV)


Four-Day Gallbladder Cleanse

The gallbladder cleanse is an easy and natural way to expel gallstones. What can you expect while doing this simple cleanse? Expect to be hungry for four days.  Putting the joking aside, the gallbladder cleanse is a great way to expel gallstones and clean the gallbladder. The gallbladder cleanse is actually two cleanses in one. The gallbladder cleanse also cleans the urinary tract and kidneys. So the gallbladder cleanse is quite important to overall health and well-being.  If you susceptible to getting bladder infections and other urinary tract conditions such as kidney stones than this cleanse is an absolutely must for you.  But don’t take my word for it. Do your own research and find out all you can about it so you will feel comfortable with it. 

I know what some of you might be thinking. You’re thinking it’s impossible to expel gallstones naturally, right? Well, you’re wrong. At first I was skeptical too, I mean after all, if gallstones were so easily expelled from the body why are more people not doing this simple cleanse rather than having their gallbladders surgically removed? I believe they are skeptical. When we are conditioned since childhood to run to the doctor for every little ailment we begin to believe that doctors really are responsible for our overall health. But doctors are not responsible for our overall health and well being, we are.

Understand the difference. If I got into a car accident and severed a main artery, I wouldn’t run home and make a juice drink. No, I’m going to run as fast as I can to the nearest doctor to give me some blood. If I fell off my roof and broke my neck, I’m not going to be able to repair that by doing a colon cleanse, I will most definitely need a doctor. Do you see the difference? We need doctors for what doctors are trained for.

I do believe that people are becoming wiser to their overall health and opting for a more natural way of healing rather than using medications to mask their symptoms. The first and most important aspect about our health that we need to know is what we put into our bodies on a consistent basis is what makes us vibrant and full of energy or sick and weak. It is our responsibility to take care of our health and we do that by opting for a healthy lifestyle and way of eating.

The gallbladder cleanse is basically an apple juice fast. That’s right, an apple juice fast, so you better like apple juice. For three days you drink nothing but apple juice. Sounds simple enough, doesn’t it?  You should use organic apple juice, but I have done this cleanse using the grocery store pure apple juice, no sugar added, and I didn’t notice any difference in how I felt.

Everyone reacts differently to how the cleanse will affect them. Every time I have done the gallbladder cleanse, which is three times, I have never experienced any side affects except for being hungry and a bit of minor stomach acid on the first day of not eating anything but apple juice. Some people on the third evening of the cleanse have experienced light to moderate cramping and still others have gotten heartburn, stomachache, and or indigestion. So this is just a guideline on what you may or may not experience. 

The reasons we have problems with our gallbladder in the first place is because gallstones get lodged in the ducts that carry bile from the liver to the small intestine. If any of the bile ducts remain blocked for a significant period of time, severe damage or infection can occur in the gallbladder, liver, or pancreas. Diets high in fat and cholesterol and low in fiber increase the risk of gallstones due to increased cholesterol in the bile and reduced gallbladder emptying.

Foods that are the most harmful and help in the formation of gallstones are hydrogenated oils, refined sugars, white flour products like donuts, potatoes chips, french fries, deep fried foods, pasteurized dairy products, red meat, and alcohol.

If you decide to do this cleans and you get hungry, drink more apple juice, at least a gallon a day per person and get your mind off of food by watching movies, taking walks, or reading a good book. On the third evening of the cleanse, when you are ready for bed, drink a half a cup of pure extra virgin olive oil to soften the stones; have some lemons handy for cutting the oil from the back of your throat. Then lay down on your right side to prepare your body for the expulsion of the stones the next morning.

On the morning of the fourth day we drink a sea salt flush, which cleanses the bowels and helps to expel any toxins that have accumulated in your system over the years. This flush is a large tablespoon of sea salt with an eight-ounce glass of filtered water. It is kind of salty tasting and you may drink additional water if thirsty. You may expel anywhere between 50 to 200 gallstones, or even more.

Make sure you have nothing important scheduled for the morning hours because you may be in and out of the restroom for several hours as your body rids itself of unwanted toxins and gallstones. You may eat a light dinner of broth with cooked veggies or brown rice and toast for dinner on the fourth evening to get your body ready for regular eating again. If you decide to do this cleanse and you have any questions just send me an email, I will be happy to encourage and advise where I can.


Question From A Reader 
Is It Normal For My Husband To Look At Porn? 

Marriage Question: I've been married for a year and a half. My husband has a problem with anger, but he has gotten better. Our biggest issue right now is porn. He tells me it's normal and natural to look at porn, but it hurts me deeply. I just cannot accept this as a normal condition of marriage. I moved out about three weeks ago. We are discussing working things out, on this issue however, he will not budge & neither will I. Am I abnormal for feeling angry and threatened by his desire for porn? Should I try to work on things or just stay away and divorce him? Any advice would be appreciated.

Marriage Guidance: No, it is not normal or natural to look at porn, in fact it is an unhealthy view of sexuality about yourself and others. 

1. Lust is an unhealthy and sinful desire that takes a person away from that which is right and good. It does not matter if it is lusting after strangers on the Internet or a fleshly body in a secret place. To yearn for the flesh of another person other than who you are married is wrong thinking taking over the mind and eliminating the natural goodness that resides in man. 

Satan knows that by getting people to think about and envision the lusty images in their mind it will entice them to desire it. Once  a person takes a peek, they look again, and again, until they can’t seem to get the immoral imagery away from their mind, and they inevitable become ensnared within it. 

If we think long enough about our lustful desires we eventually give way to them. This is because we have no connection to our Creator. We must allow God's love into our life and be forgiven. God says we are not to even THINK about these things in our mind. We need God! We need God's forgiveness! 

“Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes, for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread, and the adulteress preys upon your very life”. Proverbs 25, 26

2.  If the act of adultery is wrong, then so is the intention. It is considered mental adultery and thus a sin! To be faithful to your spouse with your body, but not your mind is to break the trust that is so vital to marriage.   

Pornography is easily justified in the minds of those who view it.  They have broken a code of ethics to validate in their minds that it is okay to view it. Pornography for many is more justified than the physical act and if they get caught looking at it, all they have to say is, "well, at least I didn't have an affair."

This kind of thinking is wrong and is in total denial. Denial is the opposite of acceptance. If you can't accept that what your doing is wrong then you are in denial. The Internet only enables those who are tempted, and who have no connection to Their creator, to continue in their addiction.  

“It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God. 1Thessalonians 4, 3-5 

The power to rid yourself of temptation and to remain faithful comes from what you believe. Therefore it does not rest in you alone but in your Creator. If you have been unfaithful in adultery or lustful thinking through porn it is because you do not have the foggiest idea how to utilize the tools (gifts) God has given you. Ask God into your life!

  • Believe that God loves you no matter what you have done.
  • Accept the fact that you need God. 
  • Humble your life over to God.
  • Ask Christ to forgive you and to help you with your addictions. 
  • The believers strength and faith come from God.

Loyalty to ones spouse is a part of the giving process that we learn through allowing God's love and forgiveness into our heart and mind. Once we actually release our errors to God and allow Him to take over in our life, He will help us to understand what love is and how to love others in the right ways! Right now, without God in our life, we will have no understanding to know the difference between love and lust. 

It is God's will that all marriages be built upon the rock of loyalty and when you remain steadfast and loyal to your spouse, even through the hardships, you are allowing God to give you the understanding you need to remain faithful. By trusting in what God says for your marriage, you are less tempted to stray from the marriage, whether in the physical act or through pornography. 

Therefore, we must stop looking to society for the answers. Faith comes from believing in what we cannot see with our eyes and bringing those beliefs into our heart and mind and acting upon them with passion.  Having and utilizing the power of faith is an individual matter that is gained by your own personal relationship with God. Make God you source!

I highly recommend that every married couples go see the movie Fire Proof or rent it when it comes out on DVD. I was so happy when I went and watched this movie, it is in my opinion the best (love story) movie I have ever seen! I will tell you this --- this movie was RIGHT ON!


Fire Proof Your Marriage!


Sexuality: Healthy View Towards

In the beginning God made them male and female. Have you ever pondered why God created the first man male (masculine) and the first woman female (feminine)? God did not create another man to be a sexual companion to Adam, nor did He create another woman as a sexual companion to Eve. God predestined the sexual union to be between only a man and a woman, hence, He created Adam/Man and Eve/Woman. They were perfectly created for each other sexually, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. God gave them the ability to experience deep pleasure and love for one another and the ability to bare children for the world. 

Healthy sexuality begins with attitude, hence if we have an attitude that sexual relations with anyone we desire is acceptable within our moral conscience we will have sex with anyone we desire, even if we are married. This is a moral issue that reflects back into the preconditioning of the human mind. “What one believes one becomes.” We become what we believe”.  

God created them male and female in the beginning for a reason and that was to sanctify and bless marriage by keeping it holy and pure. This ideal may seem old-fashioned and out-dated but God’s principles do not change – people do.  Dating and having many sexual partners before marriage has caused society to confuse LOVE with LUST, hence sexuality is distorted in its thinking and becomes unhealthy. Anything other than the sexual union between a married man and woman creates a distorted view of sexuality and is not healthy. 

Healthy sexuality is respecting persons and their bodies. Healthy sexuality is respecting yourself and your body. Until society can work its way into a healthy way to view the opposite sex, sexuality will remain corrupted and distorted in its thinking. Because this culture has lost respect for itself as a whole, its view of sex has become one not built on love but built on sexual attraction. And that view has caused numerous problems in marriage and family as well as society in general.

Sexuality Issues and Concerns

Sexuality should be viewed as something beautiful between a married man and woman and regarded without feelings of shame or guilt.  When we feel guilty or shameful for something we did sexually that means we are doing something wrong and against our moral conscience.  The lax views and attitudes of our young people today about sexuality has become extremely unsafe and hazardous to their own sexuality, especially since the arrival of HIV and AIDS in our society.  Having a laissez-faire attitude towards our sexuality has contributed to numerous issues and problems within our society that have damaged the sanctity of family and marriage. 


LOVE is kind = considerate, caring, giving, thoughtful, understanding

Lust is envy = jealous, greed, spite, resentment,

LOVE is not proud = humble, submissive, meek, modest

Lust is self-seeking = selfish, rebellious, rude, egotistical, hateful,

LOVE rejoices in the truth = God is love, Love is God = Wisdom, Holy Spirit,

Lust delights in evil = Satan, sin, wicked, iniquitous, immoral, and dishonest

Sexual immorality is a temptation we all must face on a daily basis. God doesn’t forbid sexual sins just to be difficult. God knows its power to destroy people’s lives physically and spiritually. God wants to protect us from damaging ourselves with immoral sexual desires.  Sex outside of the marriage relationship always hurts someone.  It hurts God because it shows that we care more about our own lustful desires than Him.

Paul said in Corinthians, “Do you no know that your body is the a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price (Jesus Christ death freed us from sin). Therefore, honor God with your body” 1 Corinthians 6: 19-20

Many people believe they have the right to do whatever they want with their own bodies.  And they think this is freedom, but really, they are enslaved to their own lustful and sinful desires – they are in bondage and a slave to their own lustful desires and this is a negative and destructive way to view sexuality and to live.

The world has been given moral principles for very good reasons - biblical principles are our stepping-stones towards eternal life with God. When we have a healthy attitude about our sexuality and when we learn to respect others and their bodies we can be free to actually love others wholly and completely without sexual temptations getting in the way. God created all the principles we need to live healthy, productive, sexually pure lives right here on earth.

We must teach our youth about the positive aspects of sexual abstinence until
marriage and the purity of marriage. Let's teach them to respect themselves and others.



I hope you enjoyed the Heaven Ministries Newsletter! 

Take care and God Bless!

As always, your Comments and questions are welcome.   

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