Heaven Ministries
July 2008
 Issue 56

Marriage Alive! Newsletter

Marriage Articles

Why Does 
Jealousy Hurt

Love vs. Lust

Loving The Way God Wants

Questions From A Reader

My Husband Believes It is His Job To Control Me - Please Help!

To Preview or Buy our Marriage Books Click here


 Journey on the Roads Less Traveled

(Angie's personal testimony)

Journey on the Roads Less Traveled is a spiritual journey providing an avenue for people to change their lives through Jesus Christ in a way that is not commonly understood. The less traveled roads take the reader down a comprehensive and well-rounded foundational understanding into the biblical world of acceptance, beliefs, spirituality, feelings, marriage, children, family, forgiveness, temptation, faith, and finally prayer while applying the power of “real love” into all of the above elements. The book will challenge the reader to go a step further in their faith and beliefs by helping them to identify with all the aspects of their character, namely the spiritual element of who they are and can become. In her book, Angie Lewis offers the spiritual counsel we need to live at peace with ourselves, and have a closer relationship with God.

Buy Journey


Why Does Jealousy Hurt

Jealousy is a very powerful emotion and if left unattended it can literally wreck havoc in our relationships and marriage. Why do we get jealous of our spouse? Why does jealousy hurt so badly? Jealousy hurts because we feel this emotion usually after our spouse has harmed us in some way. But sometimes we feel jealous for no reason whatsoever and this is very harmful to our relationships.

There are several reasons why we get jealous. Jealousy is a mixture of insecurity, anxiety, and fear. And if we allow this emotion to take precedent in our life we will surely create problems in our marriage and other relationships because of it. To have these feelings can be scary. But did you know that God tells us there is nothing to fear when we put our trust and confidence in Him. God will take fear, jealousy and anxiety away from us.

He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” (Mark 4:40)

Childhood environment has a lot to do with how we react with our spouse and other people we are involved with. This is one reason why it’s crucial for families to stay together and adhere to the proper roles and positions given to them designed by God. God definitely knew what he was doing when he established marriage – there is a purpose for each and every person in the family and when we rebel against the design of God we can see the impact of how negative emotions can rule the heart. For instance, if a parent abandoned us when we were little we may carry those feelings over into our relationships with others.

The good news is it does not have to be like this. We can overcome jealousy by learning to put our trust in Christ. When we put our trust in Christ we will automatically trust our spouse. Where is the jealousy? Where is the fear? Where is the anxiety? By learning to give up being in control of our jealousy, we can finally be free of the feelings that make us feel jealous.

Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy? (Proverbs 27:4)

If our spouse has sinned against the marriage in some way and we are jealous and suspicious of them, then those feelings are justified, but there are ways we can use our emotions in productive ways to bring about a resolve to the marriage dilemma. When we communicate properly about how we feel rather than remain in a defensive mode of character, we can better figure out ways to mend the marriage. Jealousy makes us defensive and we use it to tear down the marriage rather than build it up. But this way is allowing our emotions to control us.

Understand that our emotions don’t have to control us. We can be in control of how we use our emotions by realizing the potential of what they can do. Jealousy can bring about many other issues and cause resentment and animosity with the person we are jealous of. This is what we don’t want. What we do want is to talk about our feelings with our spouse and come to an amicable solution to resolving the issue of jealousy in an appropriate manner.

The best way to get over jealousy is to express ourselves about why we feel jealous. Don’t be afraid to talk about the way you feel and why you feel a certain way. If there is good reason to feel mistrust or suspicious with your spouse find ways through your communication to reestablish trust with them again.  Scripture gives us the principles we need to overcome our emotions and move on in a good way with our spouse. Our emotions are ok to have when we don’t let them take control over our lives.

We need to pray about it and ask Christ to give us a fresh new look at the issue in the marriage that is causing the jealous emotions. Build the marriage back up by learning to work together in healing and restoration of the marriage, always keeping God in the forefront while always respecting one another in all ways.

“Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. (1 John 3:18)

If we feel jealous, anxious and fearful of our spouse for no apparent reason than we must put our trust and faith in God and allow Him to heal us of these emotions and live by Christ-like principles of loving rather than living our marriage through feelings of what we think love should be. This 



Love vs. Lust

There is a great contrast between love and lust. Lust is more of a sexual or greedy feeling, while love is more of a secure and content filled feeling we get from giving and receiving. Lust does not have to be something sexual, it can be a greedy desire for more money and power, etc. But for this article, I am using it in its sexual context. 

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 sums up the common traits and variances of love and lust. 

LOVE is kind = considerate, caring, giving, thoughtful, understanding 
Lust is envy = jealous, greed, spite, resentment, 
LOVE is not proud = humble, submissive, meek, modest
Lust is self-seeking = selfish, rebellious, rude, egotistical, hateful, 
LOVE rejoices in the truth = God is love, Love is God = Wisdom, Holy Spirit, 
Lust delights in evil = Satan, sin, wicked, iniquitous, immoral, dishonest

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 
1John 4:8

Dear friends, since God so loved us, we ought to also love one another. 
1 John 4:11

The world has a superficial and selfish view of love, which has contaminated our understanding of what REAL LOVE is. The culture believes that love is something that makes us FEEL good and that it’s acceptable to sacrifice moral principles to obtain such love. But in doing so this culture IS NOT obtaining the love characteristic but the lustful ones. 

Love involves unselfish acts. Faith is the foundation of God’s message. By putting our complete faith in God gives us the freedom to love others completely. 

Matthew 5:27-28 says, “You have heard that it was said, “do not commit adultery, but I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right hand causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for you whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.”

When Jesus said to throw away you right hand or gouge out your eye, he didn’t mean in the literal sense because even a blind person can lust. Jesus’ thinking was that if that were the only choice, then it would be better to go into heaven with one eye or one hand then to go to hell with two hands or two eyes. 

Acting out lustful desires is very harmful in four ways:

1. Lustful desires destroys marriage
2. Lustfulness is rebelliousness to God
3. Lustfulness always hurts someone
4. Lustful acts lead to premarital sex

Jesus said the desire to have sex with someone other than your spouse is mental adultery. Therefore, If lustful desires are in our thoughts, then they most likely will come out in our actions! 

“For where you treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Luke 12:34

In essence, it’s in what we THINK. What we crave and lust for in life shows our values and morals. What we think in our heart and mind comes back out in our actions. 

Lustful thinking can turn into...

1. Adultery = divorce
2. Premarital sex = genital diseases = lack of sexual interest with spouse
3. Sin = death

Sexual immorality is a temptation we all must face on a daily basis. God doesn’t forbid sexual sins just to be difficult. God knows its power to destroy people lives physically and spiritually. God wants to protect us from damaging ourselves with immoral sexual desires. Sex outside of the marriage relationship always hurts someone. It hurts God because it shows that we care more about our own lustful desires than Him. 

Paul said in Corinthians, “Do you no know that your body is the a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price (Jesus Christ death freed us from sin). Therefore, honor God with your body” 1 Corinthians 6: 19-20

Many people believe they have the right to do whatever they want with their own bodies. And they think this is freedom, but really, they are enslaved to their own lustful and sinful desires – they are in bondage and slave to their desires. When we become Christian’s (Christ ones) the Holy Spirit lives in us and fills us up, and we no longer own our own bodies, but we belong to God. 

Are you loving others in the ways God wants you to love?

Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble. (1 John 2:10) 


Loving Gods Way

How can we love ourselves and others when we are unhappy, depressed, resentful, lonely, addicted, or when we have past issues that haunt us, or when we have a low self worth? How do we break free from the past and start living for the here and now?

What we really need to do is address what is holding us back from loving ourselves and loving others. Why are we unhappy, depressed or lonely? Why are we addicted to drugs, sex, or alcohol? Why are we allowing our feelings to control the person inside us? Why do we have a low self-image?

Past issues can literally haunt us and steer us further away from God's loving arms where we truly belong. These issues take hold of our minds and tell us it's okay to feel a certain way. For instance, if you were sexually abused as a child, your mind might constantly tell you not to trust men. Or if you were brought up in an alcoholic home environment, you may abuse alcohol yourself or not able to handle your emotions proeprly. These kinds of past issues will keep us from loving the person we are, which in turn will keep us from being able to fully love others as well. So what can we do?

We can put our total trust and faith in our Creator and let Him free us from our heavy burdens. It's really that simple, but yet, the most difficult aspect is humbling ourselves enough to allow God to actually go to work in our lives. We don't need addiction and pride to keep us from loving the person we are. These things are like crutches that only ease the pain for a little while. God already knows what is holding each and everyone of us back from loving. All we have to do is let Him know we are ready for Him to transform us. 

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. (Matthew 11:28,29 NIV)

What we really need is to have total belief that what Jesus says for us is true. We need to have faith enough to know that when Jesus says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened," that he is inviting us into His life so we can finally experience healing and peace for ourselves. Then we can begin living a new fruitful life in God and for God, instead of for ourselves. This means we might need to make some changes in the way we are living now if we want to heal our past and learn to love the way God wants us to love. 

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. (Hebrews 11:6 NIV) 

God continually assures us that those who honestly seek Him will be rewarded. Rewarded with what? Rewarded, not only with eternal life in all of its magnificent bliss, but in this life we are now living! Isn't that wonderful news? I encourage all of you who have heavy burdens you are carrying now to strip them away from your hearts and minds and begin acting on your faith and knowledge of God. Love yourselves so you can love others the way God intended for you to love. 

Jesus said, "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (John 13:34-35 NIV)


Questions From A Reader 

Marriage Question: I am so torn inside. My husband believes it is his job to control me. This is a direct quote from him.  He discusses my submission to him at least three times per week.  He believes men are superior to women and that I am not accepting of the inferiority of women as designed by God and am just not willing to accept the authority of God in my life. Any help offered that actually would strengthen me would be appreciated.

Guidance: It is not your husband's job to control you, it is his job to love you. He does that by providing, protecting, and leading the home in the ways of the Lord, that means by applying God's principles and teachings into the daily living within the marriage. God does not want a husband to demand submission or to control a woman and make her submit -- that is abusive behavior! Any woman who is treated this way, would be feeling the same way as you are now. Your husband probably does not think he is doing anything wrong. He does not see his own behavior and the more you complain and nag at him about it, the more controlling he becomes. You must find ways to work with him so he does not have to feel the need to be controlling with you. 

God created man and woman equal in his eyes. Your husband is on a pedestal and until he is told to come down and humble himself to his wife, he will not understand that God did not make one gender superior over the other one. What God did do though, is made the woman to be the weaker partner in the sense that she will need protected by her husband because she is not as strong as he is. She will need sheltered by him because women are more vulnerable than a man because she lacks the strength to fight off an attacker physically and even emotionally. Today, women are taken advantage of all the time, just because they are not knowledgeable about the same things. For instance, women are ten times more apt to be taken advantage of when she takes her car to the mechanic. I'm not saying that all mechanic's are con men, but some are. 

Some husbands may take their position very seriously, and the wife may take it to mean he is being controlling, but it is our job as their wives to take heed to their spiritual counsel over our lives. If we let feminists control us with their views than we're not only rebelling against God but allowing the feminist view to control us and our actions. Read and study the scriptures, pray about it and then come to your own conclusions. The bottom line is if a husband is putting God first in his own life and adhering to the teachings and principles of Christ than he is loving his wife appropriately. 

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. (1 Peter 3:7 NIV)
What does the above scripture mean? This scripture does not mean "weaker partner" in the sense of moral or intellectual ability, but in physical ability. What is Peter trying to teach to husbands? I think Peter is telling husbands to honor and respect their wives by protecting them against outside influences and criminal abuses. If a husband is a man of God he will protect his wife from harm. When a woman is NOT under the covering of her husband or parents she will be more vulnerable to the criminal and sexual abuses of society or from the temptations of other men making advances on her. This does not make a woman inferior to the man but more vulnerable to outside influences because she is not as strong and forceful as a man. Woman are created more sensitive emotionally and delicate physically. God created women in this way so she would make a good helpmate to strong and powerful Adam. 

God made man and woman as equals in every way according to scripture. Women were made equal with man since the beginning when God created us. God made both male and female in his image! Neither man nor woman is made to be more or better in the image of God than the other. And neither sex is exalted and neither sex is depreciated. God values both sexes as the same!

"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them". (Genesis 1:27 NIV)

Question: I am feeling to the point of mental breakdown. Where do forgiveness and losing resentment play a part in this?  Even when I do this, the situation and accusations at home do not change. Even when I try to be all sweet and nice, trusting that God is at work, etc. being calm, etc. talking rationally and softly, the submission talk goes on and on and I am left very confused and wondering how Christian life all turned out this way.  I cannot believe that Christianity and honoring God in marriage is supposed to look like my husband says it is. 

Guidance: Marriage based on Christ's principles and teachings creates a loving, respectful, and honorable marriage. Both husband and wife have their roles and responsibilities in the marriage. Your husbands position as head of the marriage is to protect, provide, and care for his wife as if it were his own body. That is what scripture teaches. He is not to be controlling, manipulative and self-righteous. 

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her, to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain, or wrinkle, or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself". (Ephesians 5:25-28 NIV)


Scripture teaches husbands to love their wives "just as Christ loved the church!" Is Jesus demanding and controlling with the body of believers? No, instead, Jesus gave himself up for the church (the body of believers). Jesus gave his own life up for our life! That is how a husband is to love his wife. Husbands ought to be using the scripture to make their wives holy through the word of God - This is what spiritual headship is! 


Husbandly protection is a husband sacrificing his life for his wife's life if need be. It is making his wife's well being of prime importance by protecting and caring for her as he would his own body. Christ's death sanctified and cleansed the Church and when believers do the will of Christ it is God's Word that cleanses us. When a husband loves his wife the way Christ loved the Church, he cleanses her and makes her holy and blameless. 

"Cleansing her by the washing with water through the word". Ephesians 5:25




I hope you enjoyed the Heaven Ministries Newsletter! 

Take care and God Bless!

As always, your Comments and questions are welcome.   

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