December 2007
 Issue 50 

Marriage Alive! Newsletter

Marriage Articles
Choosing To Work On 
Your Marriage

Making Your House a Home

Other Articles
Owe No Man Anything

Giving Spiritual Gifts This Holiday Season

Inside our Newest Book
Sneak Peek of our newest book! Soon to be released.
See All 26 Chapter Titles

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Choosing To Work On Your Marriage

Choosing to work on marriage takes willingness by both spouses. You either want to work on the marriage, or you don’t, it is really that simple. Sometimes you might talk yourself out of staying married and look for reasons “why” you should not work on the marriage. You know when you’re talking yourself out of working on your marriage when you go to friends and family who you know may be biased toward you, and against your spouse.

You tell them how you have been wronged by your spouse and how all the problems shadowing the marriage is their fault. Your friends might tell you that maybe your spouse is no good and to leave them. The more you listen to them the more your mind gives you justification for not working on the marriage. This is how many couples deceive themselves into divorce. Going to family and friends are the worse people to go to when having marital difficulties. It may very well end your marriage for good!

I’m here to tell you, a marriage gone wrong is never just the fault of one spouse.  Now, it is true, some people are a lot harder to get along with than others, and therefore, one spouse may be hurting the marriage more just by stubbornness and selfishness. But it always takes two to get married and two to end the marriage. By going around seeking reasons for not working on the marriage you will find it because you have already set it in your mind to not save the marriage.

But in a marriage gone bad there almost is never a good guy. It is realizing that we can be good a good guy, and that we have value in life for others, and ourselves that will make us want to choose to restore the marriage.  Restoring marriage is about being willing to say, “Hey, I was wrong, lets try and work this problem out and save the marriage”.  All it really takes is someone to make the first move, and say, “Let’s do it”!  “Proud in our ways” keeps us from being humbling ourselves to one another. 

Wherefore receive ye one another, as Christ also received to the glory of God. (Romans 15:7 KJV)

All marriage issues can be dealt with in a positive light when both spouses put in the willingness to do so. It’s called “giving in”, “listening”, and then being understanding of each other on particular issues and, or feelings each spouse cares about.  It doesn’t matter what the problems are in marriage, whether they are about infidelity, lack of communication, addiction, or just plain selfishness, couples can come out from these troubles and learn to be givers rather than takers.  

The biggest determent I see in many marriages is not what you think it would be. It is the unwillingness to change ourselves. You see, couples focus so much of their time and energy on what the other is doing or not doing that they don’t notice what they themselves might be doing to make things better. 

Let’s get real here. We all need some kind of inner healing first so we can be a better marriage partner. You cannot heal your spouse; you can only be a part of their healing. In the same way, your spouse cannot heal you; they can only be a part of your healing process. Therefore, it is our responsibility to work on what we can about ourselves rather than focus on changing our spouse or placing blame on them. 

Wouldn’t you agree? This is how you choose to work on your marriage by choosing to work on yourself and doing what you can to make the marriage better. 

And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves for charity shall cover the multitude of sins. Use hospitality one to the other without grudging. 
(1 Peter 4:8,9 KJV)



 Making Your House A Home


Maybe you have heard the saying “A building is a place where people live, but a home is where a person can rest and be safe; a place of refuge”. Is your house a place of refuge where you can be at peace and feel safe, or is your house just a place where you hang your hat every night?

I personally know that a house cannot be a home with an unhappy woman managing it. The woman is usually the heart of the home front, and if she feels confined or does not have hobbies, or ministry to occupy her time, and balance out her day, she may feel unfulfilled as a wife and woman.  A woman should be all that she can be for herself, God and family. She can be content and fulfilled when she balances out her days with activities and hobbies that she enjoys.

A mom lovers her children more than life itself, but that does not mean she must play with them twenty-four hours a day! A man loves to eat and get his share of good food, but that does not mean his wife must spend most of her day in the kitchen cooking for her husband either. There is much more to being “a stay at home mom” than meets the eye.

I’ve talked to several women who work a full time job who would love to quit their jobs and be a full time stay at home mom. And I think that is just wonderful, but I always suggest they diversify their time at home with interests, hobbies, and or, a ministry that they enjoy embarking on along with the responsibilities of being “a stay at home mom”.

In my earlier years of marriage and family I would spend most of my days wiping snotty noses, cooking, and scrubbing floors and toilets in my home, but I soon learned that I was not happy doing just those things. I wanted to do something else; something a bit more fulfilling, but at the time I was not sure what that “something” was. 

I felt unfulfilled; something was missing. Some days I just was not that happy even though I had so much to be blessed for. I didn’t have any hobbies or outside interests. Watching soap opera’s was about as close as I came to outside interests. After awhile of not doing something that “I” enjoyed doing, I started to take my discontent out on my husband and children, and that was not good for my marriage. Fortunately, I discovered how much I loved reading and gardening, and of course, my most beloved activity, writing and encouraging others in their marriage. 

My children are teenagers now, so I am not wiping running noses anymore, but I still need to cook for my family and clean my home. The difference now is, I balance out those responsibilities with gardening, crafts, and writing for my ministry and other ministries. And that is the "something" that I was looking for.

A woman, wife, and mother is not being all that she can be for her family when she is only tending to babies, cooking, and cleaning. She must do other things that she enjoys to balance out her life, and of course that would not take away from her responsibilities at home. We need to ask God what else He would like for us to do with our time, energies, and talents.

Don’t believe the negativity you sometimes hear about being a homemaker. If a woman is discontented with being “a stay at home mom” it is because she has not discovered her talents and gifts yet. God has gifted each and every one of us with His purpose. Find yours and start using it! Because, ladies, there is more to being “a stay at home mom” than cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, and wiping running noses. Find out what your "more" is and do it!

…The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her; so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. (Proverbs 31: 11, 12 KJV) She consideredth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. (Proverbs 31:16 KJV) Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates. (Prverbs 31:30,31 KJV)



Owe No Man Anything

Have you ever felt stressful or anxious over your financial situation? Maybe you are way over your head and can’t get out of debt? Maybe your family business went out of business. Maybe you were laid off from your job. Many things unexpected can happen to our financial situation and make us feel apprehensive about our future. 

The first thing we need to do is take a deep breath, relax and pray about it, asking God to give us peace and comfort during our financial trial. It is certain that God hears our prayer, but sometimes the way we pray can be a hindrance. If we pray in vain asking God to miraculously somehow send us the money, that kind of praying will never get answered the way we expect. 

God is not a Magician. He is our comforter and our assurance that one-day we will be with Him. If we have faith and ask for solace, He will give us the peace we need, but we will still have money difficulties. We should not ask God to rescue us from our debts but to help us from going into debt in the first place by giving us the knowledge we need to think outside the box of society for our needs. 

Are we investing in a shaky economy or taking unneeded risks because we want more things? Is that where we are putting our faith? Are we sending our wife off to work and the children to day care because we want more stuff? Are we really confident that that is what’s best for our family?

Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal; For where your treasure is, there will be your heart also.  (Matthew 6:19-21 KJV) 

The believer must seek to avoid debt as much as possible. In this world there is only one certainty and that is God and His truths. So when we feel uncertain and ridden with anxiety about our financial situation we can take confidence that our life, no matter how much or how little money we have, is on solid ground. That’s what matters.

Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law. (Romans 13:8 KJV)

God does not want believer’s to put their confidence in things that can be destroyed, instead as Christ Ones we are to build our life on Christ and His unshakable Kingdom because that is our only certainly in an uncertain world. Knowing this then where would you most want to put your faith and trust? 

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. for my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. (Matthew 11:28-30 KJV)



Sneak Peek Inside Our New Book


     I wrote this book in the attempt to bring to light some of the misleading information about divorce and the persuasion of infidelity regarding Christians today.  First of all let me say this, I don’t condone adultery. And just because it is forgivable by God, if a spouse repents and turns from their sin, it still does not make it justifiable in any way shape or form. Infidelity always hurts someone and causes much unneeded animosity between couples. It’s always best to be healthy minded spiritually and mentally so you won’t be tempted by lustful desires in the first place.  But unfortunately many Christians today are not keeping as spiritually fit as they should and that is another reason why I wrote this book.
     Statistics are now showing that divorce is practiced among the Christian community at a faster rate than the general population – why is that? I have some observations about that and I will reveal those insights in this book. I don’t like to set in stone what statistics are saying until I get a second and sometimes third opinion, but I do know this, there are many Christian couples that I know personally through my online marriage ministry who are contemplating divorce, have divorced, or are going through a divorce. I always try and talk them out of it because it is sort of like leaping before you look. Divorce is almost always a hardened heart that has not had time to “look before they leaped”.
      Divorce becomes inevitable because, usually, at some point in the marriage, couples grow apart and then issues come butting their little horns in the marriage, and honestly, without the proper foundation to base those issues on, divorce becomes paramount.  Stuff piles up on more stuff, and pretty soon divorce “seems” like the only way out of a hard place.
     This book will be quite a learning experience for both spouses as they choose to work at the issues in their marriage with a newfound wisdom that only God can give them.
     If you don’t think you need any insight outside of yourself, then I believe this book may not be for you. But if you are repentant of being unfaithful in your marriage, and want to heal yourself and restore your marriage, you will love this book. And if you are a wife or husband of an unfaithful spouse you will love this book. 

26 Chapters

        1.        Casting The First Stone
2.     The Pitfalls of Emotional Adultery
3.     Adultery is Not a Loophole For Divorce
4.   Why Affairs Don’t Work
5.     Make Marriage Your Responsibility
6.     When A Spouse Repeatedly Commits 
7.     Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery
8.     The Cheating Heart Syndrome
9.     The World and Sexual Lusts
10.    Marriage Restoration vs. Divorce
11.    Stop Divorce In It’s Tracks
12.    Reconcile Differences
13.    Did I Marry The Wrong Person?

        14.    How Do I Forgive My Spouse After    
    How Do I Trust My Spouse After Adultery
16     Rebuilding Trust
17    21 Ways To A Successful Marriage
18    Choosing To Work on Your Marriage
19     Is A Passionate Kiss Considered Adultery?
20     Repair Your Marriage With Your Attitude
21     Rev Up Your Sex Life
22.     What Makes a Successful Marriage?
23.     Bring Intimacy and Sex Back Into Your 
24.    Ignite The Fires of Intimacy
25.    Rededicate Your Life To Your Spouse
26.    31 Romantic Ideas


Casting The First Stone

     Can you cast the first stone with a clear conscience? Jesus has left us with some pretty straightforward moral lessons of forgiveness, love, compassion, and hope.  What is the Christian to do with these tools? Should he not use them to his advantage in every day living? Being a Christ One should make a person want to apply these tools into their everyday life – that is what they are for. Forgiveness was given to the Christian so he or she could be free to love completely, because if we don’t forgive how can we love? Compassion is putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes instead of condemning and judging them. And hope is utilizing the tools and gifts for the purposes intended so we may have everlasting life with God.      
 If a Christian is not utilizing the tools that God has blessed him with then what tools is he using to live his life by? That is the question we must ask ourselves.
     Yes, our initial reaction of an unfaithful spouse is casting stones at him or her, and there is nothing wrong with that if you are casting those stones to purposely MISS hitting your spouse with. Anger is an emotion and it can be used in productive ways for the marriage, and so rather than suppressing that emotion, use it to communicate productively with. Cast your stones, but don’t actually hit your spouse with any of them. In other words we are all grownup Christians here, I think, and grownup Christians can learn to communicate their feelings in productive and positive ways.
     I cannot believe how often people put limitations on themselves by blaming their feelings, attitude, and life in general on others. You do not have to do that because Christ has left you the Christian tools to apply in every single circumstance known to man. If you aren’t sure what tools to use for a certain circumstance in your life, look it up in your study bible and do what is right.
     If you are the spouse who committed adultery, don’t blame your spouse for your indiscretions that is totally unfair. First look within yourself, and figure out why, as a child of God, you could not handle the temptations of the world around you.  As Christian’s, remember, we are not a part of the world; we’re just passing through. Have you separated yourself from the pitfalls of society in general? That is another question that must be asked. Who are you? What do you believe in for your life? Maybe you are not a part of God’s family after all. Only you and God will know for sure.
     As a Christian, you certainly do not want to deal with major issues, such as infidelity with your own understanding because that is not what God wants His children to do. Our own understanding is almost always flawed, and is not the kind of perception that the Christian is to apply into his life; it is unwise to take matters into our own hands; it causes confusion and animosity between spouses that later they will surely regret. It is so unwise to act self-righteous and judgmental in our relationships because we end up behaving in ways that are not appropriate as servants of Christ. So the first lesson here is to be compassionate and forgiving by putting yourself in the other person shoes, so you can deal with the situation with the better understanding and wisdom that God has given you. The scripture that comes to mind here is the one about taking the log out of your own eye first so you may see clear enough to take the sliver out of your spouses eye.
     The unfaithful spouse may need some stones thrown at them, and I can certainly understand why you would want to cast them, it is a very normal reaction to have destructive feelings toward them because you are hurting. But here again, try to use the tools that God has given you to the best of your Christian ability. Okay, so your spouse was weak and they sinned against God and the sanctity of your marriage, and now what are you doing? Are you harboring angry resentment and not forgiving? Is that a sign of Christian weakness or just plain stubbornness?
     Did you know the more you hang on to the pain and hurt, and the more you cast stones at your spouse, the harder it will be for you to forgive? The reason for this is because you are telling yourself lies about your spouse and marriage, and those lies keep you in a destructive attitude that will make you do just the opposite of what you are supposed to do according to Christ.
     The best option for the Christ One is to apply what tools they have been given for each appropriate circumstance that comes up in their marriage. You do this by realizing the importance of your marriage and understanding the purpose for you in the marriage. Marriage is never easy, but we don’t have to make it so difficult either. As believers we do things on a different level – a different perspective.  That level is always superior to what the masses do because it is of Jesus Christ. Divorce is not an option for a Godly-minded person. Let’s not be like the herd who revel and delight in divorce. Divorce is rebellious and harmful to everyone involved.


2008 UPDATE: Book is available at any online bookstore. Or order it from Available as a hard copy or e-book. Get your copy today!


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Giving Spiritual Gifts This Holiday Season

How can we give someone spiritual gifts during this holiday season? Can we wrap HOPE up in a box and put a big ribbon around it? No, we can’t. But we can BE hope by sharing our testimony with someone who has ears to hear. That would be one of the best gifts we could give anyone. Who could not use the message of hope? 

Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that HOPE in the Lord. (Psalm 31:24 KJV)

Can we wrap WISDOM up in a box and put a big ribbon around it? No, we can’t. But we can SHOW wisdom by living our life as an example of someone who has built his or her house on the rock. There is no better gift we can give others than the gift of wisdom. 

How much better it it to get WISDOM than gold! (Proverbs 16:16 KJV)

How can we gift-wrap MERCY? We can forgive someone who needs our forgiveness by showing mercy and giving them the gift of compassion. We teach compassion and kindness by doing compassionate things. How great forgiveness becomes when we have unburdened someone’s heart through our compassion for him or her.

Which now of these three thinkest thou, was neighbour unto him that fell among the thieves? And he said, He that shewed MERCY in him. Then said Jesus unto him, Go, and do thou likewise. (Luke 10:36,37 KJV)

PATIENCE can never be gift wrapped because it would shut it up in the dark. But we can show patience with someone who is having a stressful day behind the check out counter or we can be patient with our own family by listening to what they have to say without interrupting like we always do. Patience truly is a virtue. 

The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have PATIENCE with me, and I will pay thee all. Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt. (Matthew 18:26,27 KJV) 

Can we just hand over TRUST in a pretty red box with a green ribbon around it? No, we must first ask God to help us to trust again so we can give the gift of trust to someone we love. We cannot give the gift of trust until we accept the gift of Christ within our heart. Blessed is the one who already trusts in God, for they can freely give trust away to another. 

It is better to put your TRUST in the LORD than to put confidence in man. It is better to TRUST in the LORD than to put confidence in princes. (Psalm 118: 8,9 KJV)

Last Christmas many husbands and wives looked for LOVE under the tree but all they got was a tie and a blender or a shaver and a necklace. Love does not come in pretty shiny packages because it is something that needs to be acted upon by the giver. How many ways can we show love? We can show love in a hundred and one ways – find your ways and give love away today.

Better is a dinner of herbs where LOVE is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith. (Proverbs 16:17 KJV) 

Too many people are living in a state of depression and loneliness. What better present can we give then the gift of JOY? In what ways can you gift wrap joy and bring happiness to the sad, and encouragement to the discouraged, and courage to the fearful and, rest to the anxious. God says He will fill our mouth with laughter and our lips with shouts of Joy! 

In his neck remaineth strength, and sorrow is turned into JOY before him. (Job 41:22 KJV)

How does one show THANKFULNESS? We do not find thankfulness under the Christmas tree; on the contrary it does not come in a big or small package because thankfulness is shown through our life in Christ. It is shown in how we treat others and how we treat ourselves. 

We should all stop and be thankful for the many things we take for granted, such as the man or woman we married, and know how blessed we are to have that person to share the rest of our life with. Being appreciative of him or her at all times throughout the marriage, and not just when everything is going smoothly. 

Being thankful for the beautiful children God has given us, so that we may teach them His merciful ways of giving and loving without expecting anything at all in return. Our children belong to God - we are only caretakers of them until they are old enough to take care of themselves. 

We have so many things to be thankful for that we take for granted, but this article is getting too long as it is. So I must end it with the biggest blessing we have been given, and that is forgiveness through Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. Without this magnificent blessing we would not understand what any of these precious gifts I have mentioned so far can really do for our lives, but as it is, we know that through Him we may some day be with God in Heavenly Paradise. 

For though I be absent in the flesh, yet am I with you in the spirit, joying and beholding your order; and the steadfastness of your faith in Christ. As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in him: Rooted and built up in him, and established in the faith, as ye have been tught, abounding therein with THANKSGIVING. (Colossians 2: 5-7 KJV)



I hope you enjoyed the Heaven Ministries Newsletter! 

May God Bless all of you and keep you safe.

As always, your Comments and questions are welcome.   

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