Heaven Ministries
April 2007
Issue 43

Marriage Alive! Newsletter

Marriage Articles

Betrothal vs. Dating

The Intimately Satisfied Marriage


Health Tidbits


2 More Reasons to Avoid 
Soft Drinks

Question From A Reader

Where in the bible does it say that pre-marriage sex is a sin?

Book Reviews

The Running Girl ~
by Dan Blankenship


Featured Book
Running Girl
by Dan Blankenship

A book about the forces of good and evil - Spiritual Warfare.
Buy Amazon

 See my review of 
Running Girl!



Preview or buy Love The Woman You Married



Preview or Buy Love The Man You Married




Journey on The Roads 
Less Traveled

Book Description
Journey on the Roads Less Traveled is a spiritual journey providing an avenue for people to change their lives through Jesus Christ in a way that is not commonly understood. The less traveled roads take the reader down a comprehensive and well-rounded foundational understanding into the biblical world of acceptance, beliefs, spirituality, feelings, marriage, children, family, forgiveness, temptation, faith, and finally prayer while applying the power of “real love” into all of the above elements.   $17.95

Order Journey on the Roads Less Traveled

Learn more

Betrothal vs. Dating


Betrothal is different than worldly engagement; there is NO SEX during the betrothal period, and the betrothal cannot be broken off like an engagement. Betrothal is a promise between God and the couples just like marriage is. The betrothal period unlike the dating period is a sound biblically based relationship without the trappings of sex.

Betrothal leads to a healthy marriage.  It teaches, through the courtship period, how to respect, honor, love and commit oneself to another. The betrothal period teaches young people about the principled acts of love, which is so very important in marriage.

The dating process on the other hand, teaches about having sex and the need to feel a certain way in a relationship. When someone says they are dating someone, they most likely mean, they are having sex with them. That’s what dating is. 

The dating process goes something like this: when you are dating someone and you do not feel in love or ecstatic with jubilation about the person you are with anymore, then you can just dump them and jump into the next relationship that feels good to you. Dating teaches us "how not to commit" and "the need to always feel good" in a relationship. This habit of dating and sexual cohabitation is meaningless and worthless. It does not teach about the principles of love nor teach how to respect and honor someone.

Have you ever stole love from your spouse? Stealing love is easy and we have all done it, but it is wrong. If you think the way to love is through any form of manipulations, abuse, exploitation, or through selfishness then you are stealing love from your spouse. Dating teaches how to be selfish. 

Unfortunately, most people jump into marriage under the wrong guise of love because "dating" conditioned them to believe wrongly about what love really is. If you believe that love is only about getting something from the other or needing to feel a certain way then you have been mislead.

But now let’s suppose you don't go through the dating process before you get married and that your marriage is prearranged for you, meaning your parents choose the man you are going to marry and you have no say so in the matter. You don’t feel love for the man you are about to marry, but your dad says you have to marry him. 

In the bible days this was the norm for women of marital age. Many times, if she were still too young to marry, say fourteen-years old, she was betrothed (engaged) to the man she was to marry until marital age, which was about sixteen. This is what Mary and Joseph did. They were betrothed for several years before they actually got married. 

So did Mary love Joseph? It didn’t matter if she felt love for Joseph or not because back then they didn’t go by feelings to choose a suitable partner. Mary respected and honored Joseph, which is principled acts of love right there! What was she supposed to feel?  

In the bible days, women married the man their father chose for them to marry and together they learned to love and respect each other by applying the principled acts of love. Back then, most Godly women needed and wanted protected, loved and provided for and a Godly man of good character was chosen for that very purpose. Did Joseph love Mary? If he protected, provided, and cared for Mary, which he did, then he was loving her.

Today many young women don't feel they need protected and provided for, and are instead giving themselves away in sex with multiple partners, not ever learning about how to properly respect and honor a man the way he should be respected and honored. She has been disrespected, exploited and abused so many times herself because of the dating process, that to respect or love a man in the proper ways is absolutely unspeakable to her. 

Today young men are giving themselves away in sex with multiple partners never learning how to properly love, respect, provide, and protect a woman. He has been exploited, abused and disrespected so many times himself through the dating process that he is afraid to trust or love a woman in the right ways, it scares him. And women wonder why men are afraid to commit themselves in marriage!?

In my opinion the dating process is a sham, full of lies, deceit, lustfulness, and degradation of self worth and value in yourself and others. Why in the world do you have to sex to get to know someone? It is senseless and without a doubt, causing much of the unneeded problems associated with bad marriages today!  That’s my opinion.

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The Intimately Satisfied Marriage


What constitutes intimacy in a relationship? Is it having great sex once a day?  Is it being romantically involved? It could be those things, but intimacy is sharing yourself with the one you love because you trust them and you appreciate them. Sex alone is not what makes intimacy. Romance alone is not what makes intimacy. But if you put romance, sex, respect, honesty, communication, and appreciate into the equation and you balance those areas out in the marriage that could very well constitute intimacy in marriage.  

To feel close to the person you married, you first have to trust them. That includes knowing that they are there for you if you need them. An intimate relationship is a supportive one. When you appreciate, and encourage the person you love on a consistent basis you are forming an intimate bond. Rejecting your spouse in any way is pulling away at those trust levels that marriage so much needs. Couples need and want to feel secure and emotionally involved with their partner.

It is quite ironic that couples feel closer and more loving towards each other the more they give of themselves in the marriage. Intimacy is not something that just happens, it is made. It takes two to become intimate, and it takes two to bring and maintain intimacy in the marriage. If only one is working towards being close and the other is pulling away from getting close, then intimacy will not happen.

In marriage or in any relationship for that matter, if you want to be intimate and share a close bond with the person you love, then the effort most definitely has to be put into it. Intimacy is communicating on a deeper level than just talking about the weather and “what’s for dinner”? Many couples take this area of the relationship for granted. They do not realize that their marriage actually thrives on intimacy.

Not sharing closeness with the one you are married to is one of the underlying reasons for infidelity in marriage, not just physically, but emotionally as well.  And this brings me to communication in marriage. Emotional infidelity is becoming the new fad. It starts out innocent enough, but having an emotional involvement with someone other than your spouse is dangerous to the marriage. Couples do not need to go looking for someone who understands and appreciates them. All they really need to do is to be open and honest in their conversation with the person they married.

Communicating on an open and honest level is a part of intimacy process. So it is very important to learn proper communication skills on that level. Productive communication brings something into the relationship to help couples to know and understand each other. From the communication below, ask yourself what you could learn from each other.

“I like it when you touch me there?” “I feel it easier to tell you my true feelings when you don’t discount my feelings”  “When you reject me, I don’t feel very close with you.”  “I felt hurt last night when you made fun of me in front of our guests.” “Please do not make jokes about me in front of our friends.” “I would like it if you would try and come home earlier at night, but if your job keeps you working late so you can take care of us, I understand.” “I would like it if you would not wear that skimpy shirt anymore. I want you all to myself, and I don’t think it is a good idea having other men stare at your breasts.”  “I want to protect you, that is one of the ways I feel that I am loving my wife.”  “Could you please not cook spinach soufflé anymore, I just don’t like it, but everything else you cook for us is wonderful.”

This kind of communication is productive because it is open and honest. If you happen to say something negative always say something positive in the same sentence. Productive communication brings couples closer together because they are opening up to each other.  And this is what you want in marriage. It is my belief that couples have productive talks a couple of times a week. These communications keep you updated and emotionally involved with the person you married, which couples thrive on for an intimately satisfied marriage.

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Health Tidbits
Second Opinion Health Alert

2 More Reasons To Avoid Soft Drinks

Back in 1993, I told Second Opinion subscribers that the phosphoric acid in soft drinks can cause osteoporosis. Then last year, I told readers that the acidic nature of soft drinks make them better for cleaning car radiators and toilets than for drinking. Well, now there are two more reasons to avoid these drinks.

The first one really isn't a surprise, but too many people ignore it. A recent study showed that simply cutting back of sugar laden soft drinks caused children to lose body fat and weight. Those who cut the most, up to 82% of sweet drinks, lost the most weight, up to a pound a month.

The second reason you should avoid soft drinks is because they contain an industrial chemical that science links to cancer. Sixteen years ago, scientists discovered small amounts of benzene in some sodas. But they never told you about it. Why? The beverage industry promised the FDA it would take care of the problem. But 16 years later, benzene is still prevalent in soft drinks.

The FDA recently tested some 60 varieties of sodas, sports drinks, juice drinks, and bottled water. Benzene levels ranged anywhere from 2-3 parts per billion to 10-20 parts per billion. The EPA limit for benzene in drinking water is only 5 PPB. Sodas may contain up to 4 times that amount.

This is why you shouldn't trust anything in a can, especially sodas. Not only are these drinks toxic to your body for the sugars, phosphates, colorings, preservatives, etc, that are added, but industrial benzene is also found in them. I strongly suggest that you drink your own water (not bottled) that you purify with a reverse osmosis filter, and green tea (made with your own filtered water).

If you want to drink fruit juice, make sure you make it at home with fresh organic fruit and vegetables. The juice you buy at the store is devoid of nutrition thanks to the heating it undergoes when the can or bottle is sealed. And it also contains all the sugars that make you fat.

Better yet, eat the whole fruit. The fiber will slow the sugar absorption and blunt your insulin response. That will go a long way to prevent weight gain and unwanted aging from insulin. And you know there's no benzene added.

Yours for better health and medical freedom,

Robert Jay Rowen, MD
Ref: Pediatrics, March 2006; American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, March 2006.

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Question From A Reader

Question: Where in the bible does it say that pre-marriage sex is a sin? It says having sex with a prostitute is but having sex with a women that is not or do we intend saying any women that has pre-marriage sex is?

Thank you

Rev. William Loader Ph.D. LCCP,LCPC
Executive Director
Marriage Outreach Ministry
F. M. I. Regional Director

Answer:  Along with all other kinds of sexual immorality, sex before marriage, premarital sex is repeatedly condemned in Scripture. (see scripture below.) The Bible promotes abstinence before marriage. Sex before marriage is just as wrong as adultery and other forms of sexual immorality, because they all involve having sex with someone you are not married to. Sex between a husband and his wife is the only form of sexual relations that God approves of (Hebrews 13:4).

“It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is honorable and holy, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God, and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. …For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man, but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.” 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8

“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is the a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your body” 1 Corinthians 6: 18-20


Now to the unmarried and the widows, I say this: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than burn with passion. (1 Corinthians 7:8,9 NIV)


We should not commit sexual immorality, as some of them did (Numbers 25: 1-9) and in one day twenty-three thousand of them died. (1 Corinthians 10:8)

But among you there should not even be a hint of sexual immorality, or any kind of impurity, or greed, because these are improper for God's Holy people. ( Ephesians 5:3 NIV)


For this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person - such a man is an idolater - has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. (Ephesians 5:5 NIV)


Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. (Colossians 3:5 NIV)


It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality, that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God, and in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. ( 1 Thessalonians 4:3 NIV) ...For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you His Holy Spirit. (1 Thessalonians 4:7 NIV)


There are those who did not defile themselves with women, for they kept themselves pure. They follow the lamb wherever he goes. They were purchased from among men and offered as firstfruits to God and the lamb. (Revelation 14:4 NIV)


At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures....(Titus 3:3 NIV)


So I say, Live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful

nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. (Galatians 5:16-17)


Dear friends, I urge you as aliens, and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. (1 Peter 2:11)


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Running Girl 
by Dan Blankenship

As you read this sentence, the world is going through spiritual warfare. Mr. Blankenship could not have picked a better topic for the state of this present world. The battle between good and evil will always be a part of this life, but you can do something about it. (Psalms 97:10) We do not have to be a part of it – we can choose to not fall into its trap.

Dan Blankenship gives us a divinely inspired glimpse of that spiritual warfare through his novel, The Running Girl.  Eight –year old, lovable Kylee brings us the message of truth and love, while a sinister, evil man, satan himself, tries to stop the preaching and practicing of the Christian faith -- Great scriptural dialogue and conflict here!

Dan gives the reader an excellent account of how the evil of this world is trying to rule the hearts and minds of men and steer them away from God’s truth and wisdom. This is happening today through powerful establishments and agendas. There is a very powerful army out there who are out to defeat Christ’s true Church and deceive many people.

Although Dan’s book is fiction, it is very real! The book has a great storyline and would make a great instructional tool for Churches and Ministries teaching about the forces of good and evil in the world today. (Ephesians 6:12)  We don’t have to be afraid - thanks be to God, believers have been given the power of the Holy Spirit to defeat the evils and temptations of this world as we know it now. 

In the end you will be truly inspired as Mr. Blankenship shows how the believer can stand firm in their faith in Christ Jesus, and not allow the evil schemes to deceive them into believing the untruths and lies enveloping society today. (Romans 38, 39) This is what it is all about! Thank you Dan. I highly recommend The Running Girl to anyone concerned about the darkness and evils present in the world today. A good read. Can’t wait for the sequel. Don’t miss it!



I hope you enjoyed the Heaven Ministries Newsletter! 

Take care. God bless!

As always, comments and questions are welcome.   

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