According to Readers
Digest Family Thesaurus, resentment means, bad feelings, anger,
outraged spirit, crossness, bad temper, dungeon huff, ill will,
rancor, bitterness, sourness, wounded pride, hurt feelings,
displeasure, animosity.
Do any of these feelings sound familiar? Are you harboring any
of these feelings about your partner? We do feel negative at
times. It is because we're hurting. We hurt because we let
someone hurt us. There is nothing wrong with having these
feelings. It's only wrong when we harbor them inside of
ourselves and don't do any thing about it. When we don't voice
our feelings in a proper manner (see communication) or not at
all, it will carry a negative affect on ourselves and those
around us.
Examples of how not communicating properly will harbor
resentment.
(1) A husband resents his wife for gaining weight and he makes
fun of her in front of his friends and won't make love to her.
Because of his behavior, she thinks he doesn't love her anymore
and she is hurt and resentful.
Poking fun at your partner because they have gained weight is
cruel and demeaning. They may lose weight for you, but
eventually gain it all back because they didn't do it for
themselves. Try and back off for a while-give her a chance to
decide what she wants to do about it for herself.
(2) A wife is angry and resentful because her husband spends too
much time with his buddies. When he finally does come home at
night, she constantly nags at him about anything and everything
and he ignores her and walks away feeling resentful.
Constantly complaining and nagging at your husband isn't going
to bring him home any sooner. Try not to say anything at all.
When he does come home, let him see you doing something you
enjoy for yourself and that you aren't going to let his behavior
bother you anymore. Let him feel what it's like not to be nagged
at. Continue on with the evening and forget about it. You'll
feel so good about yourself after you just let it go that you'll
forget you were even resentful!
Major issues between couples cause the kind of resentment that
is harder to let go of and harder to express. What happens is we
choose to hold our hurt inside as if we we're actually hurting
the person who did the hurt, but all that is doing is causing
more of a emotional problem within ourselves.
We blame our spouse for our resentment and spend our energy
trying to change our spouse and we end up unfulfilled and
wallowing in more resentment because of it. Co-dependency runs
rampant in marriages when we don't know ourselves and when we
focus on our partners too much. We expect our spouse to make us
happy. |
Resentment is a marriage destroyer. Our thoughts and
feelings are imbedded in resentment, which in turn verifies the
outcome of how we behave and interact with others.
Some of the issues that turn into resentment in the home
The wife says....
-
He spends too much money
-
Spends too much time at work
-
Spends too much time watching
TV
-
Womanizes & has affairs
-
Controlling
-
Jealousy
-
Abusive (mentally and Physically)
-
Unhelpful around the house and with the kids
The husbands says
-
She spends too much time at work
-
Spends too much time with the kids
-
Too religious
-
Nags and complains
-
Dresses better for others
-
Spends too much money
-
Gains weight
-
Cold and rigid
-
Too controlling
These issues can be dealt with by proper communication and
the willingness to forgive the wrongs of others.
What you can do for yourself
These issues can be dealt with by proper communication and
the willingness to forgive the wrongs of others.
(1) Learn to understand and like yourself by letting go of
past issues
(2)Forgive your partner and let go of resentment you have
towards them
(3)Communicate by listening more-ask questions.
(4)Express your true self without being afraid that you
won't be liked or wanted.
(5)Stop focusing on how to change your mate, but focus on
how you can change.
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We need to find happiness and peace
within ourselves.
If we knew ourselves better, we could understand others
better. 95% of problems in the marriage would be
eliminated. |
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