Is Looking at Pornography the 
Same as Adultery?

“You have heard that it was said, "Do not commit adultery. But I tell you anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Matthew 5:27,28

Pornography has snuck into our homes like Satan did with Eve in the Garden of Eden, tempting even the purest of heart. Some people have never thought about looking at porn before they had a computer, but now it somehow repeatedly gets in their view, and oops it happens.

There are a few really bad apples out there that revel and delight in tossing immoral imagery into our faces. Whether we read about these lusty desires in our Spam email or see it on popup banners, we’ve all come face to face with it through our computer. Most of us don’t think twice about deleting porn from our email and in fact, we try to get popup blocker to stop the harassing banner ads.

Since porn is tossed out recklessly everyday in front of our face, eventually someone is going to click on it.  It might be your husband, your wife, or your teenage son.

The bad apples are overjoyed! They work for Satan. Satan tells them sneaky and conniving ways how to do it, and make it more enticing. The bad apples comply because they want everyone to be depraved like them.

The problem begins when a person is tempted into viewing this garbage and they do not apply any moral ethics they might have on a godly foundation. The worldview of what morality is in grave error. If you base your belief system on something that is sinful, you will become in bondage to that particular sin. That is how Satan gets people involved in his work. They serve him by being a slave to sin.

Because porn repeatedly shows up on our computer in one form or another, we eventually give into it out of curiosity and say, “But one time won't hurt”. In reality, folks, it does hurt. It hurts yourself and your loved ones tremendously.  

 “You have heard that it was said, "Do not commit adultery. But I tell you anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Matthew 5:27,28

1. Lust is an unhealthy and sinful desire that takes a person away from that which is right and good. It does not matter if it is lusting after strangers on the Internet or a fleshly body in a secret place. To yearn for the flesh of another person other than who you are married is wrong thinking taking over your mind and eliminating the natural goodness that resides in man. 

Satan knows that by getting you to think and envision the lusty images in your mind first will entice you to desire it. Once you take a peek, you look again, and again, until you can’t seem to get the immoral imagery away from your mind, and you become ensnared within it. If you think long enough, you become what you think. God says we are not to even THINK about these things in our mind.

“Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes, for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread, and the adulteress preys upon your very life”. Proverbs 25, 26

You are worth more than a loaf of bread, aren’t you? If you continue in your wrong thinking, you will turn moldy, and then no one will want you.

2.  If the act of adultery is wrong, then so is the intention. It is considered mental adultery and thus a sin! To be faithful to your spouse with your body, but not your mind is to break the trust that is so vital to marriage.   

Pornography is easily justified in the minds of those who view it.  They have broken a code of ethics to validate in their minds that it is okay to view it. Pornography for many is more justified than the physical act and if they get caught looking at it, all they have to say is, "well, at least I didn't have an affair."

This kind of thinking is wrong and is in total denial. Denial is the opposite of acceptance. If you can't accept that what your doing is wrong then you are in denial. The Internet only enables those who are tempted to continue in their addiction.  Satan instructs the bad apples to get smarter and smarter in their different ways to put it out to the world. That means you have to fight back harder to eliminate sexual immorality from your life.

“It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God.” 1Thessalonians 4, 3-5

Viewing Pornography and getting off on a temporary rush is only a symptom of a much greater problem. Lusting after the flesh of heathen strangers is bad enough, but this lustful desire also defiles the body, mind, soul, and marriage. In my book, it is the same as having a physical affair. 

How can I stop looking at pornography? 

The power to rid yourself of temptation and to remain faithful comes from what you believe. Therefore it does not rest in you alone but in your Creator. If you have been unfaithful it is because you do not have the foggiest idea how to utilize the tools (gifts) God has given you. 

Loyalty to ones spouse is a part of the giving process that you learn through allowing God's love and forgiveness into your heart and mind. When you accept what the Truth is, you can actually give of yourself and do it freely.  It's really that simple. Accepting is on the same line as humbling oneself. If you humble yourself to God, the one and only true director, you are giving yourself to God. Once you actually release your errors to God, He will rid you of temptation.  

For those of you with a conscience, I say don’t kick yourself too hard. You made a mistake and looked at porn. Pick yourself right back up and start all over anew. I say the same thing for those who have had an affair. Just because you were weak once does not mean, you are a weak person. You are what you believe to be true. Your potential is much greater than you allow. God will give you the power to cease and desist all tempting situations in your life, and become the person you were intended to be. But you have to accept and believe in God as you source.

God hasn’t condemned you yet. It is not too late to turn your life around and come to your full potential. Let go of Satan’s hand and take a hold of Christ’s hand. Don’t condemn yourself!

If God is your source, and he is, that is where you came from, why do you look to the world (Satan) for reassurance of self? If the world is where you look for truth, you will believe what the world says, and probably be weak in your sin again. As with any addiction we are powerless to defeat it on our own.

When we fall into weakness, essentially, we’re like a confused lost puppy unable to find our way home. We do not have a map to help us search for the lost treasure. We’re probably not even sure why we are unfaithful and some of us remain in weakness. We have decided that society is our home, and society tells us that unfaithfulness is acceptable. Which, on the opposite end is what God says is not acceptable. As I said earlier, when you accept what you see in the world as truth, you tempt yourself into adultery and immorality of all kinds, which is not truth, but a devilish lie told by Satan.

It is God's will that all marriages be built upon the rock of loyalty and when you remain steadfast and loyal to your spouse, even through the hardships, you are allowing God to give you the understanding you need to remain faithful. By trusting in what God says for your marriage, you are less tempted to stray from the marriage, whether in the physical act or through pornography. 

Therefore, you must stop looking to society for the answers. Faith comes from believing in what you cannot see with your eyes, bringing those beliefs into the heart and acting upon them with passion.  Having and utilizing the power of faith is an individual matter that is gained by your own personal relationship with God. Make God you source!

Copyright 2006 Heaven Ministries

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Angie’s Marriage Column ~ January 30, 2008

Question: My husband has an addiction to pornography. However, he does not see anything wrong with it whatsoever and will not admit to it being wrong. He believes it is a normal natural thing to do and that I need to accept this 'part of him' for us to continue to be married. He often times looks at porn on a daily basis. Until he is willing/able to admit to his addiction and due to the 'demand' placed on me to fully accept this as a part of him, how should I handle this? I am currently living apart from him even though we are still married. Thanks!!

Guidance: Your husband is definitely in denial about his addiction. As long as he remains in denial, he’ll continue to think nothing wrong with looking at porn. As with any addiction “the substance” or “abuse of a habit”, if you will, is only a symptom of something greater going on within the addict. You can help your husband come out from denial by first taking care of yourself, spiritually, mentally and emotionally.  – Detach yourself from that part of your husband and do not have any part of it by not enabling it in any way.  And you do not have to undermine your own beliefs to accept that which you know to be wrong and ungodly.

Spiritually, you need to find your way to God and pray about this and ask God to bring you the peace of mind you need so you can get through this disturbing time in your marriage. God is our source for comfort and strength in our time of need. Build a protective wall of God’s love around yourself so you won’t feel alone with this problem. Connect with other women who are going through the same thing. Search for reliable information that works on helping the addict get to the root of their problems rather than cover over the addicts inner emotional problems with a band aide.

Your husband is greatly confused about porn addiction and the fact he believes there is nothing wrong with it, tells me he is in great denial. That is a lie fed to him by the master of lies himself.  Anytime a married person looks at another with “feelings of lust” it is considered adultery of the heart and mind.  What a man thinketh he is. Your husband is committing adultery in his heart, which is just as inappropriate as the physical act.

What a man thinketh he is. Your husband is committing adultery in his heart, which is just as inappropriate as the physical act.

“But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” Matthew 5:28

“But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man. For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies.” (Matthew 15:18,19 KJV)

I’m assuming because you separated yourself from your husband, you have made your stand by letting him know how you feel about him looking at porn. Addictions are powerful, so much so that as long as the addict is in denial they won’t come out from addiction unless it is on a temporary basis. That mans pressure, threats, coercion etc from you and or,  “or else” ultimatums is not going to do a bit of good until he realizes that what he is doing is wrong against himself, God and marriage. He needs to realize he has a problem – period!

Being that your husband is in refutation about his addiction, he’ll have to come to reflection of his problem on his own. The reality is if your husband is not a believer, he may never come out of the deeper issues that he is holding, onto and he will remain in an addictive personality because of that. Your husband desperately needs to put his faith in God to make him the whole person God wants him to be.

Without God in the forefront of our lives, as you can see, we are nothing. Unbelievers’ care about is the pleasures of the world. Without spirituality to guide your husband from his erring ways, it will be an uphill battle for him. You can threaten a man with death but if he needs a drink or needs to shoot up, or needs his pills, or needs to look just one more time, the threats won’t matter. They’ll still abuse their substance or their habit.

So…the first step is for your husband to come out of denial.  How can you help? What you can do, without your husband feeling like you are tying to control him or turn him into a Christian is to print out scriptures that reference to sexual immoralities and temptation and leave them laying around the house in inconspicuous areas for him to find and read. I’m leaving you with a website that has some very good free material on porn addiction that you can print out also.

Pornography Addiction Resource: This is a very good site with free materials, articles, and teleseminars.  http://www.kickporn.com/

Articles resourcesPornography Addiction: What Can A Wife Do?