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How Can I Forgive When It Hurts So Bad? By
Angie I know it hurts. It hurts so bad we don’t want to
forgive. The pain is unbearable at times and all we really want to do is
get revenge, or keep wallowing in the pain that our feelings give us and
remain resentful and angry. This is such a common problem in marriage
today, so I feel it is worth more than rubies and gold to keep writing
about it. I sometimes wonder if “living in our feelings”
is just another form of addiction. I mean, I remember very well when I
would rather feel resentful and treat my husband with contempt rather
than work on forgiving. I did not know what I was supposed to do to get
out of the rut of unforgiveness, so I lingered in it for years. I was so
used to feeling bitter and resentful that I actually thought it was
normal. But it is not normal, and let me tell you why. If we don’t grow out from our selfish feelings
and forgive, we will never fully know God. But if God created us then
why would we not have a growing, loving, and personal relationship with
Him? Something major in our lives would be missing; we certainly would
not be whole people without our Source, right? How could we ever learn
to love others in the proper ways if we do not know God? Forgiveness is
love and Christ dying for us is that forgiveness! In fact, the law requires that nearly everything be
cleansed with blood, and without the shedding of blood there is no
forgiveness. (Hebrews 9:22 NIV) By going to God and admitting our own sins and need
for Christ’s forgiveness that is what helps us to understand what
forgiveness really is and why it is so important in our lives. We have
to admit that we ourselves need forgiveness before we can accept it, and
that takes faith in Jesus Christ. If we don’t believe that Christ can
forgive us, then we are living in denial about forgiveness. That means
we are in denial about Christ. You can truly forgive others if you first
repent of your sins and ask Jesus for forgiveness, and He will renew
your heart and mind. You were taught, with regard to your former way of
life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its
deceitful desires, to be made new in the attitude of your minds, and to
put on the new self, created to be like God (Christ-like) in true
righteousness and holiness. (Ephesians 4:22,23 NIV) True forgiveness involves a change in your attitude
– a renewal of your heart and mind. That renewal is the Power of the
Holy Spirit working on your heart. Only God can turn a unforgiving,
bitter heart into a forgiving one. We cannot buy forgiveness or love and
we cannot deceive ourselves by believing we have already been forgiven
when we haven’t. Only Through Christ’s love for us can we forgive
others. When Simon saw that the Spirit was given at the
laying on of the apostles’ hands, he offered them money and said,
“Give me all of this ability so that on everyone on whom I lay my
hands may receive the Holy Spirit.” Peter Answered” “May your money parish with
you, because you thought you could buy the gift of God with money! You
have no part or share in this ministry, because your heart is not right
before God. Repent of this
wickedness and pray to the Lord. Perhaps he will forgive you for having
such a thought in your heart. For
I see you are full of bitterness and captive to sin. (Acts 8: 18-23 NIV) *** Angie Lewis has written three books on how to have
a happy marriage. She has just finished her fourth book called THE
ALCOHOLISM TRAP: Understanding Why You Drink and What You Can Do To
Achieve Total Sobriety. For more information about this book and marriage
books, please visit: http://www.heavenministries.com To see book previews, please visit: http://stores.lulu.com/angielewis |