Heal Marriage After Adultery
by Angie Lewis  
Heaven Ministries

Do you want your marriage nursed back to health? If you want your marriage restored it will take some effort on your part. Stop peering over the fence at your neighbor, and put your eyes back in your own yard where they belong.

First, the offended spouse needs to forgive completely (see my article, forgive a cheating spouse), and secondly the offender has to understand why he strayed from the marriage bed in the first place. Infidelity is only a symptom of a greater problem within the framework of the marriage.

If you have been unfaithful or have anything else pulling you away from your spouse, ask yourself why? What am I doing that would cause me to be disloyal? Don’t blame your spouse for your weakness. Grow up and take responsibility.

I marvel at how often I hear couples blame each other for their own unhappiness. Couples should be looking for ways they can please each other instead of bringing each other down.

Don’t you want to give of your self freely to your spouse?  Then step harder on satan’s back, and get off your spouses back! Why are you giving away your body and mind to strangers and those who are probably only using you?  

It takes willingness and effort to seek out all that God wants for you and your marriage. It is God's WILL that you continue working on establishing for your marriage a foundation based on trust, respect, commitment and honor. Without these traits imbedded into your belief system, you will become weak again and again. What kind of marriage is that?

If you are willing to give up your weakness and truly want to do what is right for your marriage, God will forgive you. Through His death, Jesus Christ has paid the price to release you from the bondage of sinful immorality.

Can you accept that?

You are forgiven on the basis of the suffering and physical death of Jesus Christ. Acceptance of this great truth and the willingness to give up your unfaithfulness, and rely on Jesus Christ for your new way of living is God's will for you.

Can you accept that? If not, this article is not for you. 

The woman caught in adultery is a prime example of Christ’s love for you.

It says in John 8:3:11 “The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the law, Moses commanded us to stone such a woman. Now what do you say?” 

"If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her."

At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, "woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

"No one, sir," she said. 

"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

Support your marriage on the Devine Truth of the realization that your sins are forgiven. Start over anew and embrace all that you have been blessed with in your present situation and hold on to what you have. Be willing to reestablish the bonds of trust and respect for each other. 

Base your love and actions upon the spirit of Jesus Christ. Center your communication with one another around Gods word by taking the time to study and search scripture.

Marriage is tough! There is no disagreement there. The ability to accept, forgive and love must be honored and cherished everyday.  You need to honor your spouse. You need to respect their position in the marriage, and you desperately need to stop analyzing, reviewing, and basing your marriage upon your spouse’s faults and weakness.

Did you know that with God's guidance you can learn to humble your proud and selfish ego? You will see beyond the weakness of your spouse and learn to forgive them with the loving kindness, that if they are remorseful for their actions, they deserve from you as their spouse.

A marriage is only as strong as its foundation. The groundwork for our lives is adopting the Spirit of Jesus Christ; He is the support, which holds up the marriage when under pressure. 

1 Corinthians 3:11 “For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ.” 

Seven ways to rebuild trust in your marriage after adultery.

1.) Forgiveness needs to be attained in its entirety to re-establish the bond couples once had for each other, and bring the relationship to its full potential.

2.) The erring spouse needs to cease in the act of adultery. 

3.) Communicate effectively through the use of expressing the positive attributes of one another, and talking out your thoughts and feelings with care.

4.) Acceptance of each other’s faults must be established. We all have faults; quit looking at your spouse’s faults, and start looking at your own.

5.) Study scripture for the knowledge of truth, and wisdom of God’s words. This gives your spouse the notice of your commitment in the marriage and boosts their willingness to try harder also. 

6.) Time will tell.  Experiencing the rightful actions of each other will eventually bring back the trust that was tampered with. The offended spouse needs to see that it isn’t going to happen again.

7.) Roles, positions and responsibilities of each spouse need to be honored and respected. Couples need to place more value and importance on their responsibilities by reassuring one another from time to time. 

You can see from the seven attributes above, you only need to put forth some effort on your part. What’s wrong with that?

Your marriage won’t be nursed back to health overnight, but by showing each other the willingness to trust God and to put Him first in your own life shows your spouse what your true intentions are for the marriage.

  Copyright 2006 Angie Lewis ~ Heaven Ministries
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