Facts About Submission (love) In Marriage
by Angie Lewis

Many folks seem confused about the subject of submission. Hopefully, this article will bring to light some needed wisdom and understanding concerning this issue and put to rest the culturally accepted folklore we hear about everyday in society about submission.  By the way, this is not my wisdom, it comes from God, and I am just His messenger.

Fact 1 

Scripture says that the husband ought to (love) submit to his wife.  What for? Why can't a husband just boss his wife around and treat her like a doormat? Why can't he demand that she do things for him? Because that is not acceptable behavior on how a Christian husband is supposed to love his wife. 

For the Christian man, there is a proper way to love his wife, and that is not being demanding, ruling, abusive, controlling, or bossy. A husband's love is submission to his wife. So then I guess it works both ways. This is the kind of submission God is talking about because it is the same way Jesus Christ submitted to the Church.

Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her.  Ephesians 5:25

Jesus Christ GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR THE CHURCH!  What church? We are the Church! Jesus died for us. That is how a Christian husband is to love his wife. He is to love her by GIVING HIMSELF UP FOR HER.  He doesn't literally die like Jesus Christ did, but he does make her well-being of prime importance in his life.

Fact 2

Submitting to your Christian husband does not mean you cannot think for yourself, or have your own opinions, thoughts, and ideas. On the contrary, it means you are free within yourself to respect, honor and love the man you married.  It means you love God and trust your husband.

Many women feel threatened by a man because they do not feel good about themselves or because they were abused in the past and now they perceive all men to be abusive. Negative beliefs about submission tend to grow and grow and grow, until soon enough the majority thinks a woman who submits must be a back woods hillbilly. This is what I call a web of total deceit. Folks are deceived into believing what they hear or what they have been conditioned to know.

Fact 3

A wife does not have to submit to an abusive husband. If a man is abusing his wife in any way, shape or form, then the scripture clearly does not apply. Did Jesus abuse the Church? No! A Christian man should try and be as much like Christ as he can be. If he is abusing his wife, he ought to rethink his position as a Christian and come to terms with why he might be treating his wife improperly.

We are human and make mistakes. To err is to be human, folks. And everything in marriage is not going to fit into its nice little comfort zone all the time. Christian couples fight and yell and slam doors. This is not the kind of abuse I am referring to. This is normal marriage stuff that usually ends with repentance and forgiveness. If abuse continues in the relationship, that is what I am talking about.

Fact 4

Some couples already submit to each other and don't even know it! Submission is another way to compromise oneself for the other.  Submission is cooperation. Submission is giving way to something we want for something they want.

My friend said to me the other day about how much she liked the book I wrote called, Journey on the Roads Less Traveled. She went on to tell me that she could never submit to her husband. You know what I told her? I said, really? That is odd because I see you submitting to your husband every time we are together!

She had to think about if for a minute and she agreed with me. They have a great relationship. She is very independent minded by the way, but their relationship just kind of flows together as one unit because they are always giving in to one another, and they don't even know it! When you don't have to think about submitting, but just do it, that is a good relationship.

So, why didn't my friend know that she already submits to her husband? Because her husband is not demanding, controlling, ruling, or abusive with her, he just loves her the best way he can through his own love for God!

Fact 5

Submission is a piece of cake when you trust in God. Submission takes one thing, and that is great humbleness. Humbleness comes from God. We learn to be selfish by the way we were raised, and what made an impact in our life while growing up.  We either learn to remain selfish or we learn to grow out from that negative attitude, and learn to be free with who we are with others.

For instance, if I am not free to be me, then I cannot give any of myself away. If I am free with who I am, I am free to love others with the love that never asks for anything in return.

Selfish people are too needy to love others properly. This is one of the major problems in marriage.  Only when we give ourselves up like Christ gave himself up for the Church, can we love others properly.  

Why do people humble themselves?  Because they trust in God! Why do people trust in God? Because they are humble!

Fact 6

The best marriages are mutually submissive ones. Marriage is all about give and take, negotiation, and compromise.  Think about your life with your spouse. In what ways do you compromise and negotiate with your spouse? What would happen if you rebelled over these issues? What happens when you only think about yourself?

But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy, and good fruit, impartial and sincere.  James 3:13-17

Copyright © 2006 Heaven Ministries ~ Angie Lewis
Articles may be reprinted in full by citing the author, copyright and website.