Am I Married to a Bull?
By Angie Lewis

What do you get when you pair two bulls together in one corral? An awful lot of head butting! A Marriage in this predicament will most likely head straight into the mud.

All this means is couples need to pick themselves up out of the mud, stop butting heads with each other and start putting forth more effort in the reconnection department. Isn’t your relationship worth it?

Remember your spoken thoughts at the altar as you looked into your spouse’s eyes, and swore to commit to each other through thick and thin?  

If you feel unmarried or not in a relationship anymore it is time to bring out that pre-marriage energy and get reconnected and bond totally with your spouse.

Unfortunately, the culture of today makes the domestic diva feel deprived and worthless. Consequently more and more of these seemingly deprived women are jumping on the band wagon and establishing careers, leaving the husband and children to tend for themselves, leaving household duties and responsibilities unattended. 

How can couples in marriage be united when there are needs and desires that aren’t getting met?  How can couples profess to love each other when they are so busy doing the selfish things each wants? Outside opportunities and trivial desires keep couples from growing together in the marriage.

For example, a wife might have her own career, friends and agenda, which keeps the husband from wanting to get close to her, consequently he has his own buddies and sports games that he attends to, leaving his wife with her own agenda.

The husband in this scenario thinks his wife doesn’t need, love or want him anymore, and when issues are challenged the couples behave like two bulls, butting heads every chance they get.

Neither spouse is involved with the other except for getting on each other’s back because the lack of organization around the home.  What chaos! Lack of household organization is great cause for neediness and disruption around the house. 

It is a natural instinct for a "real man" to want to be in charge of the home and family, and to protect, love and care for his wife. But now-a-days many women feel they do not need this from a man, and rebel against it. This is very sad indeed for it is pushing away the design that God intentionally planned for marriage. 

What happens when God’s design gets messed with? It doesn’t work out, plain and simple.

Two bulls in one corral will cause tremendous head butting! No marriage can withstand the pressures of two bullies harassing each other. Nor can love be sustained when bulls go their separate ways either.

What can two bulls in marriage do?

First off, remember the commitment you made with each other. Does that not mean something to you? Isn’t it important to remain committed to what you started?

Many important issues outside of marriage need a commitment as well to be successful. Commitments are like striving to reach our goals. If we don’t put forth effort to attain the goals we make in life, they will probably not get accomplished. We have to work towards our goals to have them come to light.  

Marriage is the same way; couples need to continue to put forth effort to retain the love they once had in the marriage.  They have to work towards keeping the marriage built upon the promise they made with their spouse in the beginning for the marriage to continue to shine bright in the darkness.

Marriage is a never-ending journey.

When couples shut down and stop communicating is when they really lose touch with each other. The other communication problem I see a lot is couples not expressing feelings properly. 

Most of the time feelings get in the way and when an angry bull tries to communicate with another bull they head butt, by accusing, blaming and finger pointing instead of talking. Those horns can play real nasty.

This is emotional abuse in the third degree.

If we become angry and hostile it will close our spouse down and issues will never get resolved. Here we go again, back to square one.

When issues don’t get resolved? They get stored away in the mental capacities until a later date when they can be used to justify the next heated argument.

War of the bulls!

Unresolved issues turn into resentment, which escalate into more head butting. Pretty soon, because of this, and not knowing how to communicate properly, couples eventually learn to avoid issues they think would cause emotional outbursts. 

They have finally decided head butting doesn’t work and so they shut down totally. They feel it is better to just keep things the way they are instead of confronting each other, which invariably causes more frustration, resentment, animosity and pain. 

The bottom line is if you want to feel married again and be loved, learn to express feelings of anger appropriately without accusing and blaming. Try walking in your spouse’s shoe for a change.

Try putting forth a little bit more effort into the marriage like taking walks together, playing games, sharing a candle lit dinner, and whatever it is that you enjoy. Try including your spouse next time.  Do it together!

And of course, allowing God's wisdom and love into the marriage works wonders. Don’t let your marriage turn into the loveless doldrums. Stop being so bullheaded and give in to each other for the sake of love and commitment! God will be pleased that you did.

And remember, God’s intention for marriage is a bull and a cow together in the corral, not two bulls!

  ~~~
Copyright 2006 Angie Lewis ~ Heaven Ministries
Articles may be reprinted by citing the author, website, and copyright. Thanks!