You Can Restore Your Marriage
Copyright © 2007 Heaven Ministries 

We can only restore marriage when we come to realize that marriage must be based upon the design of who created it. What one creates, one also controls. This means couples need to stop trying to control each other and give their marriage problems over to God. Stop fighting and learn to love. Controlling each other is improper behavior, but working with each other as a team is appropriate. First, before marriage can be restored, inner healing must take place. 

Heal yourself! Are you spiritually stunted because of something controlling the person inside of you? Maybe you are addicted to drugs or alcohol, sex, food, negative feelings, emotions, or maybe you are too proud to see God. These things literally stunt us emotionally and spiritually. Only when we let the hurt stop controlling our thoughts and actions, can we finally let it go and give it to God. 

God will actually take away our suffering if we ask Him to. All we have to do is believe in what He says is true. So what’s so hard about that? Nothing really, except we are so used to doing things OUR way, and the exact way WE want. Many of us have no patience whatsoever, and we want to feel better now, not when God decides to make us feel better. But that’s just it. We are in the situation we are in for a purpose. God has His reasons for when and how He takes away our suffering. It is all up to Him and His will for us. 

In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight. 
(Proverbs 3:6 NIV)

We absolutely need to have faith enough to stop relying on our own understanding of what we think is good and right for our marriage. Marriage cannot and will not be restored fully until we heal our inner demons from thyself. 

So how will you know if you are basing your marriage upon God’s direction or your own? Well, lets do a little experiment. Get a piece of paper and draw a line right thru the middle of the paper. On the right side up at the top, write: My Understanding. On the left side write: God Inspired Wisdom. 

Each time you direct your marriage issues under your negative thoughts and selfish views you will most likely know because it will probably somehow hurt your spouse and make you feel better. But when you base marital issues upon what’s right (God's Principles) your spouse will not get abused or treated badly, and you, in the long run, won’t feel so bad yourself. When we do what’s proper we really will feel better about ourselves. 

You can keep this simple exercise in a private journal if you want, but keep your journal with you wherever you go, so you can write in it when you need to. You will be surprised at how many times you will purposely seek out God’s spiritual filled wisdom over your own understanding. And the reason is... you are now more aware of your spirituality and are focusing more on what is the right thing to do rather than what only FEELS good. This is called "principled acts of love". 

Couples should do this exercise together. 

Questions For Couples 

1. What one thing must couples do FIRST before they will be able to restore their marriage?

Answer: Heal themselves.

In what ways can you begin to heal yourself?

2.  What is holding your back from loving your spouse in the proper ways?

3. How will you know if your are basing your marriage upon your own direction or on God's direction?

4. Name four "actions of love" based on God's principles that you can apply into your marriage.

1.

2.

3.

4.

Now apply those behaviors into your marriage next time problems arise. Watch and see how much better you will feel by doing what is right.