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Are
You Unhappy In Your Marriage? If
you’re unhappy in your marriage but don’t believe in divorce, lets
do something about it! I can tell you what four steps that are needed to
get you back on track for your marriage, but you have to put in the
effort, sound fair enough? Take a look at these few principles below and
see in what areas you can begin to improve on. Stop
Wallowing In Your Misery Stop wallowing in your misery
about how unhappy you feel, instead do something about your
circumstances that will still protect the sanctity of your marriage. If
you sit around thinking about how bad your marriage is and how much
better your next-door neighbors marriage is, you will unknowingly keep
yourself from having the right attitude. What your think will be
generated through your actions. Usually those people who believe the
grass is greener across the fence end up testing out the turf for
themselves. Let me tell you a big secret. It is not true. No grass is
really greener, it is a total mirage! You’re hungry for love and
stopped eating at home, that’s all. Stop
looking At Spouses Faults Why
do some of us do this – continually seek out the bad in our spouse
rather than the good? I think we do it because we are so miserable that
we remain in a negative frame of mind. The more we blame our spouse or
the more we seek out wanting to fault them for the disarray of the
marriage, the worse we will feel inside.
This kind of attitude keeps us from seeing the positive aspects
of our circumstances and we will not want to work on repairing the
broken ends of the marriage. We do it to ourselves, folks. We talk
ourselves out of staying married! Let’s not let your marriage become
another divorce statistic. Take your focus off your spouse and put the
spotlight on yourself. Let
Go For The Need To Control Most
people want to control their spouse or change them to meet certain
standards so they can feel better about themselves. The truth is you
cannot change your spouse to be that perfect person for you. Let go of
trying to alter things that you are powerless to change. If you can
truly release the burden of knowing you are powerless to change your
spouse, a heavy burden will be instantly lifted from your shoulders. It
really will! Try it! Let “it” go. Here
is a simple example of the kind of control you need to let go of. So
your spouse is an alcoholic and you are trying to control him or her to
stop drinking. How do you do that? How CAN you do that? Alcoholism is an
addiction and cannot be controlled by anyone other than the alcoholic.
You cannot make an alcoholic stop drinking by shouting, nagging,
demanding, blaming, accusing, crying, controlling, or any other means.
The alcoholic has to WANT to change himself, period. Why consume
yourself into the addiction with the alcoholic. Let “it” go! Think
about this. Even if you could control your spouse and they change for
you, they will undeniably be a very miserable person for not actually
changing for themselves, won’t they? Is that what you really want? To
be married to an unhappy and bitter person? Take
Care Of You!
The
next step after you let “it” go is to take care of you! What can you
do to make yourself happy? Is there anything you can change about
yourself to make you feel better about the person you are? Read any good
inspirational and thought provoking books lately, or are you too busy
focusing on your spouse and how terrible they are? Do you see where
I’m going with this? Move away from what is making you feel
discontented and do something about it. You
are only responsible for what you do in the marriage. Your spouse is not
responsible for your actions in the marriage, just as you are not
responsible for their actions. If you could learn to just take care of
YOU and your part in the marriage, your spouse will finally get some
needed space and breathing room to see that maybe they are erring and
hopefully change for themselves. “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”-- Carl Gustav Jung
Questions For Couples
1. What are some of the ways you can learn to not dwell on the negative of your marriage?
2. Do you think there are areas in your marriage that you try and control and change? Write down what those areas are. Now write down alternate ways to handle those areas rather than trying to control or change your spouse. Areas you now try to control: a.
b.
c.
What alternate ways can you stop trying to control or change those areas: a.
b.
c.
Remember: trying to change or control our spouse or circumstances in the marriage does not work, it will only cause resentment - so why keep trying? Pray that God give you the power and the wisdom to understand that you are powerless to change things you have no power over to change. Pray for your spouse instead and be the shinning light of Christ to your spouse and let them decide to change themselves. Don't have expectations for your marriage or spouse.
1. Why do we like to make ourselves the victim or the good guy in our marriage? Are we really the good guy and they the bad guy? Do you feel like a victim?
2. Name five ways in which you can start to take care of you? 1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
1. Do you think your thoughts and attitude helps to facilitate unhappiness in marriage?
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