I Want To Be The Spiritual Leader of The Household
Copyright © 2007 Heaven Ministries

I want to be the Godly man of the household and take care of my family. I want to be responsible for our growth in Christ and our worship to Him. I want us to find ways to praise His name in our daily lives through service and many of the options available. However, my wife has to allow me to have that role - it doesn’t seem like she’s willing to let me assume that role. 

Unfortunately many husbands, rather than fuss and argue with their wife over this issue, give up and give in, but is that really necessary. I have talked to many wives on this subject and they tell me that the husband is not doing his job, and wish that he would take charge and be the leader of the home. And the husbands tell me their wives have already taken charge and so there is nothing more for them to take the lead in. What a vicious cycle. 

What happens when a husband does not take his position in the home with the importance it deserves? Roles become reversed, and both husband and wife become resentful over the fact that each is not taking responsibility in the areas they should be. For instance, the wife takes charge of the finances because her husband doesn’t do it, or he is not organized, or that he spends too much money. It is not that a wife should not be in charge of the finances but, and this is a big but, but, if the husband or wife feels resentful over it, then something obviously needs to be rectified here. 

I believe with all my heart that many of the issues and problems in marriage would completely vanish once the big issue of spiritual headship and submission can be understood and then properly applied in the marriage. Resentment of each other gives couples a bad attitude, a bad attitude breeds destructiveness and unproductively in the marriage; it all becomes nothing but negativity soaking up the thoughts, beliefs and actions of the couples which eventually causes major problems, such as addiction, infidelity, depression, etc. 

Husbands need to be communicating better with their wives and discussing with them what they are going to do as far as taking charge of what God has specified for them to take charge of, namely, the position of spiritual headship of the home. Unfortunately, a husband cannot make his wife support his headship position in the home, but he can continue to pray about it, asking God to help him be patient, kind, and loving with his wife rather than make himself to feel resentful. Let your wife see Christ working in you! Shine your light on your wife. 

When the going gets tough - pray some more. God will listen. 

Spiritual leadership in the home involves more than just words. The husband absolutely must be under the direction and authority of Christ. Jesus Christ should be made the director over the husband/wife and when a man can freely submit his will to Christ, he is ready to take charge and lead his home in a godly manner in all areas. And a wife can freely submit her will to her husband and allow her husband to do what God appointed him to do. 

So the bottom line here is we must take all things to Christ and place him as our authority in our lives in ALL things. He is our head, from which everything flows. 

Scripturally for the believer, a husband’s priorities are to be as follows: 

1.God/Christ
2.Wife, family
3.Fellow man/ministry
4.self

Scripturally for the believer, a wife’s priorities are to be as follows: 

1.God/Christ
2.Husband, family
3.Fellow man/ministry
4.self

“Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” (John 15:2-5 NIV)

Questions and Answers For Couples

1. How can I "show" spiritual headship rather than control my wife to do what I want?

Answer: Pray about it and ask God to help you be the husband you were meant to be.
Answer: Pray for your wife and with your wife about it. 

2. In what three areas can couples learn to understand their position in the marriage with a better understanding?

a. biblical study and research (write down how you will both do this)

b. prayer together (write down how you will both do this)

c. growth in God's Word together (write down how you will both do this)

3. How can I learn to not get disappointed when my wife doesn't listen to my headship authority?

Answer: Don't have expectations. Be patient with your wife. Keep praying for your wife and let her see Jesus Christ working in you by being the loving and gentle husband your are.