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Marriage
Does Not Come Already Fixed We
shouldn’t get married and then expect the relationship to be a grand
fairytale, and without problems. Marriage
almost always needs fixing, or should I say, it is the people in the
marriage that need fixing. Even
Christian marriages have their struggles, and today divorce is as
prevalent among Christian’s as non-Christians.
So what’s the problem? In
most instances, when couples marry young, marriage can be a big part of
growing up, if they can stick it out and learn from their mistakes.
Marriage happens to be a process of learning how to deal with certain
issues and troubles that might occur during the relationship. Enduring
the troubled times as well as the good is what helps couples to be more
understanding of each other and hopefully wiser in the Lord.
Marriage
has its ups and downs and there are different ways of dealing with those
ups and downs. Divorce is certainly not the answer and never will be.
Even if you divorce and marry someone else, you still have the personal
struggles that affect you and your personality. What got fixed? Divorce
is running from the problem and yet, ironically, the problems within
yourself are still with you.
Both the husband and the wife bring some baggage into marriage, and at some point and time issues are going to arise within the context of that baggage. It doesn’t matter whose baggage it is, what does matter is how you’re going to deal with those issues. For instance a wife might bring into the marriage a past abandonment issue from her childhood, which keeps her from giving her husband any freedom. Her concern is she is insecure and afraid her husband will leave her like someone she cared for in her past once did. Or maybe the problem is with the husband. Maybe he was not taught any morals while growing up, and is following in the ways of his promiscuous dad. Both of these issues can cause more issues to pile up on top of the real problem and neither spouse will ever get to the bottom of what the real problem is. Henry thinks he married the wrong woman but Samantha is actually the right woman for Henry, it’s just that he never gave the marriage a chance. God wanted Henry to grow up and take responsibility for his marriage for a change but instead he ran from the problems within himself. Lots
and lots of baggage from the past is brought into marriage and each
marriage has its own unique set of baggage. But...each circumstance can
be handled in the same way. Most
of the time the issues that are brought into the marriage are personal
concerns and problems within the self of each individual. We get married
and are disposition comes out in the open. You cannot run from what
affects you mentally and emotionally because it needs dealt with or it
will follow you around. This is precisely why it is very important to
figure out what the problem is and deal with it accordingly. I
encourage you to work on those issues under the foundations of God. If you want a chocolate bar you wouldn’t buy it at the hardware store. If you need a new hammer you wouldn’t get it at the candy shop. If your wife commits adultery you wouldn’t go to your mother for help. If your husband were possessively jealous and controlling you wouldn’t go to your girlfriends for help. If your marriage has problems that need tackled you wouldn’t handle them yourself, would you? Personally,
I have learned my lesson about going to the wrong source for my marital
qualms. When I have issues that concern me, I run to God and ask Him for
the answers my marriage needs. God has never let me down. For
he has not despised or disdained the suffering of the afflicted one; he
has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help.
(Psalm 22:24 NIV)
Questions
1. What past baggage have you brought into your marriage?
2. In what ways are you handling that baggage?
3. Have you asked God for the inner healing you need to rid yourself of this burden weighing you down?
4. Do you need to forgive someone in your past?
5. How can you forgive them and let the pain finally go? What steps do you need to take towards forgiveness?
6. Do you think that you focus too much on what your spouse is doing?
7. What areas in your past do you bring into your subconscious on a daily basis?
8. Have you asked Jesus Christ to help rid you of your negative feelings? Ask Jesus right now to help rid you of these heavy laden emotions and He will listen.
9. Do you think that once you are free of negative clutter and baggage that is now weighing you down your marriage will improve? Why - explain in detail.
You Can Fix Your Marriage When You FIRST Fix Yourself! |