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I Think I Married the
Wrong Person I’ve had some Christian people tell me they think
they married the wrong person, more times than I can keep count. If you
think you married the wrong person then who would be the right person?
If we dwell on feelings that are negative about our spouse, our mind
will play tricks on us. It will tell us how to behave according to those
feelings and we will think we married the wrong person. Christian’s are commanded to marry in the Lord.
What does that mean? It means that if you married another believer then
how can it be wrong? And even if you did marry an unbeliever, which God
does not recommend, perhaps you could make it right? As believers Christ
principles need to be applied in our marriage every day and every second
of the day. The commands and principles in the bible are for our own
happiness as Christ followers. If we do not adhere to the principles
designed for our marriage then of course we’ll think we married the
wrong person. …Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness,
humility, gentleness, and patience. (Colossians 3:12 NIV) Most of us have felt, sometime in our marriage,
that we married the wrong person, especially when marital issues arise
and things are not going so well in the marriage. After all, we want to
be happy, not stuck in a loveless, lifeless, or sexless marriage, right?
But have you ever wondered how you got yourself to where you are at in
your marriage in the first place? Probably
not, we’re too busy blaming our spouse for the discontent of the
marriage! It’s all their
fault, or is it? In almost all cases of marital discourse both
spouses are to blame. Our attitudes that we carry around with us are
created from our feelings and thoughts. These thoughts that make up our
attitudes and beliefs are made when we are young children. Do you have
an attitude of commitment or of non-commitment? Non-commitment goes
something like this…“If the marriage doesn’t go the way I want it
to, I’ll simply get a divorce”. The truth is God made marriage “until death do
you part”. God did not make marriage “until irreconcilable
differences do you part”. The state created this loophole for couples
because they can’t seem to get along with each other. Why can’t they
get along with each other? They can’t get along with each other
because they jumped into marriage on feelings instead of on commitment
and respect. Many couples do this; they jump into marriage when they
aren’t ready to love someone. Learning to love is a process that takes
a personal relationship with your source—God. How often do you water your marriage? God waters us
with His living water and in turn we water those we love. But what
happens when we go into marriage with an attitude? What if we aren’t
allowing God to water us? What if we think that marriage is something
that is supposed to make us happy? What if we believe that our spouse is
the one with the problem? How is this marriage going to work based on
those feelings? Did you really marry the wrong person or have you
been forgetting to water your marriage? When marriage does not get the
love it needs the people in it begin to “act out”.
That acting out might be in the form of holding in resentment,
anger, or arguing, nagging, fussing, and complaining all the time, or
worse, it might be in adultery or addiction. But when we allow God to
water us, we’re not so needy with our spouse and we have the ability
to give more love to our spouse through our actions and behaviors. For example, if we become upset or disappointed
with our spouse because of something they did or didn’t do its okay to
experience those feelings, but we should express those feelings in
productive ways to help resolve issues, not make things worse. Anyone
can learn to use their feelings in productive ways.
Emotional outbursts and harbored resentment are not productive
ways to handle our problems. You can use your emotions in productive ways
through proper communication with your spouse, praying about the issue
at hand and then coming together in the Lord with a solution that will
compromise with each other. There
are hundreds of excellent principles and teachings that Christ has given
us to use in our spiritual journey through life—we’re not alone to
deal with life’s problems when we have principles for righteous living
at our doorstep. You did not marry the wrong person; you have only been treating your marriage wrong. You haven’t allowed God to water you. God shows us the right way to love our spouse. You can accept His teachings on marriage or you can turn a deaf ear to it—its up to you. I suggest that you allow God to water you. Jesus Answered her. “If you knew the gift of God
and who it is who asks you for a drink, you would have asked Him and He
would have given you living water”. John 4:10 …”But whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life. John 4:13 |