How To Productively Release Anger
Copyright 2009 Heaven Ministries ~ Angie Lewis

Anger is a deep-seated emotion that can remain bottled up within a person for years, and maybe forever. Loving someone who has anger problems is often difficult to do.  Living with an angry person is like an emotional roller coaster ride because you never know when they might explode. Does it seem like you’re always walking on eggshells? Are you afraid to speak up because you might get yelled at and verbally abused, or worse hit?

The truth is we all feel anger from time to time and most of us take the needed steps to relieve ourselves of that anger. Some of us express ourselves through writing, while some of us go jogging, or go on an eating rampage. After a time, the anger is gone and we resume our lives normally. And then some of us angrily explode at those we live with and love.

When a person who is considered to have anger problems becomes angry it is because they have harbored pain from a past event or situation. Often times the angry person will habitually lock in their emotions and then explode during stressful situations and circumstances that are going on in their life.

Angry people are usually more vulnerable and they use anger as a way to express themselves and get temporary relief. But they remain hostile inside of themselves because they never truly get to the root of the anger problem. Anger is a symptom of a deep-rooted issue within the psyche of a person.

Angry people often feel out of control and have this intense need to control people and circumstances around them. This is very unrealistic. What they don’t understand is they can’t control what other people say and do, but they can control themselves and circumstances that they create.

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Anger never resolves issues. If you live with an angry spouse you should learn to detach so the anger won’t gobble you up with it. Anytime you retaliate with angry and abusive words back to an angry person you’re fueling the fire. Simply walk away.  You want to put the fire out, not rekindle it.

There is no reason you should take the brunt of anyone’s abuse, ever. Leave the room. Go to a friend’s house. Take the kids out for ice cream. Take a walk. But try not to fight back with an angry person—that’s not going to get anything resolved. Let your angry spouse know that you would love to talk with them when they are calm and ready to talk. But as long as they remain filled with rage you are unable to be around them. Don’t facilitate your spouse’s angry outbursts. Be an example—show the proper way for releasing emotions and stress through your own actions.

Encourage your spouse to let go of hurt and pain they may be feeling inside. Let them know it is ok to talk about their feelings with you because you care about them and want to help. But understand its like dealing with an alcoholic. They have to see the problem or wound within themselves and heal that wound through the only way I think works, and that is through the acceptance and forgiveness of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Pray for your spouse.

Understand how to let go of emotions in productive ways. Remember there is always an underlying reason for deep-seated anger. Once you realize why you become angry, take the needed steps to heal yourself from within so you can be a better communicator and express yourself in productive ways rather than in violent ways.

When you feel yourself getting angry, don’t abuse your spouse with that anger. Go outside and run around the house ten times instead. Beat on a punching bag, or do fifty to a hundred pushups, but never hurt your spouse with your emotions. Don’t bully your spouse around and make them walk on eggshells. Is that really what you want? There are far more productive ways to communicate your emotions.

After you have calmed down, think about what you would like to say to your spouse. Take several long, slow deep breaths and exhale slowly. What are you thinking about when you become filled with anger?  How can you relate your anger into words? Even if you think it doesn’t make sense you need to express your thoughts. Learn to get your feelings out in the open so issues can be resolved.

Bottom line is it’s perfectly ok to feel anger. But it is not ok to abuse others with impulsive, violent emotions. Exercise: Write down on paper how you can assertively and productively express yourself in words rather than explode in a rage. Write down what you will say. Keep the paper handy, where you can see it and read it every day.