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Are
You Married To A Bossy and Controlling Spouse Are you married to a bossy or controlling spouse?
Why do some couples control and boss each other around? People who
control others with words, threats, fist, lies, and manipulative
behavior usually have underlying insecurities within them. Perhaps they
are afraid of losing
something or someone. They have to get to the bottom of these
insecurities to understand how to accept the things they cannot
change and the courage to only change the things they can –
themselves. The Bossy and Controlling Wife
Most women need details, schedules, and
organization in the home front and that is why women are good at
managing the things of the home. But some wives go so far as detailing,
scheduling, organizing and controlling their husbands. Wives are
generally better at organizing and directing the kid’s schedules,
managing the cleaning, the budget, and overseeing the cooking, but she
should not order her husband around. Sadly, wives don’t realize they
are doing this. Some wives tell their husbands how to dress, what
kind of job to have, how to talk to people, what friends to have, how to
behave, how much money to spend, what to eat and when to eat it. He is
so micromanaged that he feels smothered by his wife, but he doesn’t
really know what to do about it. Instead this type of guy stays out with
his buddies a lot, or finds outside interests such as a hobby or sport
to take up and is usually away from home when he is not working. Wives don’t realize that they are actually
pushing their husbands away from them through their micromanaging. Women
are great at managing the home front and every aspect of the home,
including the kids, but when it comes to the man of the house, she
should be a bit more meek and loving. The more a woman tries to control,
boss, and or, change her husband, the more resentful he feels. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For
the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church,
of which he is the Savior. (Ephesians 5:22-23) What does resentment do to a man? It can make him
bitter and feel disrespect for the woman he married. Maybe he will try
and seek a woman that will treat him like a man instead of a puppet.
Many husbands don’t speak up about how they feel. When husbands
don’t express themselves to their wives how can she know there is a
problem? It’s not that
she doesn’t want to accept her husband’s administration but that the
opportunity never presents itself for her to do so. Most likely he is not leading the home in the
manner in which God has shown him but in a manner that comes from his
own understanding. And that is the whole problem in the marriage
relationship. Couples absolutely NEED to respect each other and the
God-given positions given to them. Let’s not turn marriage upside down
like the world is trying to do. Let’s keep marriage the way God
intended. The Bossy and Controlling Husband
Most men rely on their wives to take care of many
aspects of the home except for if the roof needs repaired or if wood
needs to be chopped, stuff like that. But some husbands micromanage how
the wife is managing the home and he ends up being bossy and controlling
doing it. Unless your wife is just a lazy slob who sits around on the
couch watching soaps and eating bonbons all day, you need to leave her
alone. Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the
church and gave himself up for her. (Ephesians 5:25) In the same way,
husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his
wife loves himself. (Ephesians 5:28) A loving husband should not control his wife with
strong words but be the man of his marriage. Controlling husbands
usually feel insecure about their position as the man of the home. In
many instances the wife is also bossy and controlling, which leaves him
feeling devalued and under-appreciated. The more disrespected he feels
the more controlling he gets. This is a vicious cycle in marriage, but
it can be rectified when husbands take back what belongs to them –
their headship position in the marriage. Apply the wisdom and understanding that God has
given you. God has given you strength and courage to be the man of your
home and marriage, and to love and protect your wife. Most women don’t
have a problem with their husbands being lovingly firm with them. But
they do have a problem when their husbands demand, control, and boss
them around for their own insecure reasons. Where is the wisdom in that? The wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all
pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good
fruit, impartial and insincere. (James 3:17) If a husband has to control his wife for her to
accept his masculine influence then something is askew with the
relationship. Or maybe something is wrong with her attitude. In a
healthy marriage a man shouldn’t have to boss or control his wife in
any way – they should be communicating with each other instead. Use
the wisdom God has given you and make it so your wife will want to
support your guiding direction. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his
wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:3) To understand the roles of husband and wife in marriage our new ebook “How to Make Headship and Submission Work” will give you the encouragement and loving guidance you need to restore your marriage to God. We bring you a FRESH understanding of this issue and take away the cultural confusion that has propagated itself in the last 70-years. |